Chasing dreams
by LovelessDestiny
Summary: Slash Lucas/Nathan. Slight AU. Nathan and Skills make a bet. Goal: Get Lucas out of the team. Who will win Nathan with the weapon 'love' or Skills with violence? Nah, hurt feelings, guilt and attempted suicid will be the result of the cruel game.
1. The bet

I don't own One Tree Hill, I don't own the characters, places, music etc.

I started the story sometime last year, it's still not finished but I think I'll end it soon.

It would be wasted time if I keep it for myself, right? I hope you'll have some fun.

See ya

„It's time to crush the big bastard brother of yours" Nathan smiled they were right it was time to get rid of Lucas once and for all. But he was slightly surprised too. He thought Lucas and Skills could be friends when they wanted to. They got along well at first but something changed and they stopped being friendly.

"Do you have an idea?" he smirked.

"Let's make a bet" Skills said in a conspiratorial tone.

"Sounds interesting" Nathan watched his teammates nod

"Let's play, who's more successful of getting rid of Lucas. You!" he pointed at Nathan "his little brother who wants to make things right or we" he spread his arms "the bad, baaad basketball team"

"What do I get when I win?" Nathan liked the idea. "Your triumph… and the approval of your father. He hates Lucas more than you"

"And what do you get?" he liked the idea even more; he wanted to please his old man.

"We earn the approval and we get rid of the strain you and Lucas create within the team" Skills answered.

"I like the idea" Nathan sealed their bet with a handshake "Time to crush Lucas"

The week after the school shooting was the perfect opportunity to get close to his brother, he decided to play the role of the worried little brother who realized how much he liked his older brother. But a little part of his mind, he would never accept, whispered that he actually was scared for a short moment.

He waited for Lucas in the locker room and thought about a good conversation to initiate a bonding.

Ten minutes passed as Lucas finally entered the room, he glanced at his younger brother before he started to change. He was scared that his baby brother could have been hurt during the shooting but after the police cleared the situation he saw him. He looked shocked but healthy and above all alive. He knew Nathan hated him, he wasn't sure if it was Dan's fault alone or if he did something to disgust him.

Lucas gave him a weary look as Nathan approached him. He was tired of fighting and had no interest to get into another fight.

"Lucas" he said smoothly but Lucas could swear there was an insecure undertone in it.

The blond looked at him but said nothing "How are you?" Nathan tried again to get his brother's full attention.

"Why do you ask?" Lucas looked guarded, he didn't trust his brother. First a friendly words and a punch after that, that was the way it was.

"You got caught in the middle of the shooting and I want to know if you're alright"

"Why? Sad I didn't get shot?" Lucas continued to change his shirt.

That hurt, Nathan didn't know why but the accusation and the sad look in his brother's eyes had hit him "Believe it or not but I was worried" he held his anger in check.

Lucas looked surprised "I'm fine" was the short reply.

"I thought we could … grab something to eat after practice" Nathan wasn't so full of himself anymore.

"I don't think it's a good idea. I'm not in the mood for your games" Lucas loved his brother more than was socially allowed and he drank in the sight in front of him. How the hell did he fall in love with his little brother who hated him more than the plague?

"I think it's time to end these games" Nathan sounded honest "I'm tired of hating you so I decided to get to know you"

"What did you feel guilty for hating me the moment I could have died?" Lucas mocked. The strange look in Nathan's eyes surprised him but he couldn't figure out the meaning.

"Maybe" he was astonished about his own feelings, what the hell was Lucas thinking about him? He made it sound as if he was a heartless monster

_~ I shouldn't be surprised I hate him and he knows that but I thought it would be easier to gain his trust. Looks like I did a good job at harassing the bastard ~_

He chuckled inwardly.

"No" Lucas closed the locker "Is it an, impossible for you to be worried no or I don't have time today no" Nathan asked slightly confused.

"Both" the blond said and left. It was hard not to give in but he knew better as to trust him.

Lucas waited for his teammates to leave the locker room. It was a rough training and it seemed that he offended the team again. It was no surprise they hated him, they were on Nathan's side but what shocked him most was Nathan's behavior. He wasn't mean and he didn't join the others as they harassed him "Strange" he sighed. The blond felt tired again, he tired easily for a few months now.

Lucas hissed in pain as he tried to get out of his shirt "Lucas?"

_~ Damn it, where does he come from? ~_

He let go of his shirt and it slid back in place, he hoped Nathan wasn't aware of the bruise on his left side.

"Did you forget something?" he asked nonchalantly.

"No" Nathan eyed him before he came closer "Let me take a look"

"No" Lucas was ready to defend himself; he wouldn't let Nathan touch him. He was afraid his body could betray him.

"I want to make sure Skills did not break your bones" the brunette came closer and reached out for his shirt.

"It's bruised nothing more" Skills hit his elbow in his ribs in midair and he landed hard on his side. Whitey yelled at Skills but he only gave him a sardonic grin and ignored Whitey's sermon about fairness and friendship on the court.

Nathan was unimpressed and lifted Lucas shirt "Ow" he winced "looks painful"

Lucas bit his lip as Nathan traced his finger, very gently, over his ribs "Stop that"

Nathan pulled away like burned, he didn't know why he did this but he couldn't help himself as he reached out for his brother and felt the silky skin under his fingers "Maybe we should pay the emergency room a visit"

"Not necessary" he pulled his shirt down and hoped Nathan wouldn't notice his arousal "I have to go" he rushed out of the room.

"Didn't go well right buddy" Skills left his hiding place "I think one point for us"

"That may be true but once I gain his trust I will make sure to shatter him with one strike" the brunet grinned self-confident.

"We will see" Skills left and left a brooding Nathan behind.

"Hey Lucas I heard training wasn't a cakewalk" Payton placed her tray on the table and sat down next to him. She was one of his best friends and sometimes he wondered if she was the only friend he had left. Haley and his friendship changed after they fell in love with the same guy. He wanted their old relationship back but it seemed they already drifted too far apart.

"Sounds like the rumor mill is busy" was his sarcastic reply.

"Skills is proud of himself and they say your crash landing was a funny view" she chuckled "Sorry, I know it is mean but it must have been funny"

"Yeah" he joined her laughing. It was a hurtful landing but most falls actually are funny, when you're not the one who lands like a skydiving elephant.

"Hey guys" Haley joined them "I heard you had a little accident yesterday"

Lucas rolled his eyes and grunted "Yeah, it is true and yeah it is funny"

"It is not" a deep voice interrupted Haley's apology "Nathan sat down on the chair in front of Lucas.

"You were lucky he didn't break your bones with the stunt he pulled" Nathan shoved a piece of his sandwich in his mouth. Haley and Payton stared at him with open mouths and Lucas looked annoyed "What do you want?"

"You know what I want, the question is will you let me?" was Nathan's cryptic reply.

The girls waited for Lucas's reply, it was an unexpected situation "Don't think so"

"One time" Nathan tried again "when you don't like it I'll stop"

"NO" he hissed. It was too dangerous to get close to him, it must be one of his games besides he already had a crush on his brother it couldn't be wise to build a relationship with him.

Lucas could feel the stares of the team and all the others in the room; he took a deep breath and left "What was that?" Payton glared at Nathan.

"My attempt to make things right" he bit into his sandwich, "Why now?" Haley blushed as she talked to him. Lucas and Payton knew she loved the beautiful brunette and she hoped he would notice her attraction too.

"He could have died" he sipped on his drink and tried to keep up his worried little brother façade.

"You mean the shooting" Payton interfered; he nodded "so you decided to be nice to him because he could have died?"

"Yes" what else could he say?

"I realized life is too short to always do what others expect from you" it wasn't completely a lie he realized.

"You did what you did because of Dan and not on your own account?" Haley wasn't sure why but she believed him. Her heart beat faster while he talked, his voice was beautiful and he was so honest. It was time for them to be brothers.

Payton was unconvinced, she wanted to believe him for Lucas's sake but his change of mind was so sudden "Give him time to adjust" she stated.

"I think it's the best option" he smiled at Haley; he noticed that she was on his side and it was an advantage he would use.

"I try to track him down" Payton stood up and left, their shameless flirting made her sick. Payton and Haley knew how Lucas felt about his brother. They stumbled over his secret by accident and after a long, long talk they accepted his unholy feelings. Love is love no one has the right to judge. We can't chose with who we fall in love with.

"We'll talk with him, okay?" Haley gave him her brightest smile and laid a hand on top of his, after a gentle squeeze she left, too.

Nathan grinned at Skills from afar his plan was working, slower as he liked but it worked just fine.

"Hey" Payton found him on the steps of the school entrance "Are you okay?"

"I don't know" he sighed "What does he want?"

He looked so lost and it tore on her heart "I don't know if I believe him or not"

"Me neither" he stared at his hands "Do you think it could be possible?"

"That he likes you?" he nodded "He looked honest, maybe he never was angry at you. Maybe Dan made him act like an ass"

"I'm scared" he looked at her and she could see a slight shimmer in his eyes, unshed tears she realized "What are you afraid of?"

"You know how I feel about him. What if we get close and he really played with me or we get close and … you know are brothers forever, without a chance to be together as something else than brothers"

"I can't say what will happen but I think you should try. Don't let your guard down while you bond but I think you will regret it when you don't use the chance"

"I think you're right" the bell rang "I'll think about it" he promised before they attended class.

"Lucas" Haley waved "why are you so mean to Nathan, he really tries hard to get to know you" she chided.

Nathan spent his time with them during lunch, again. It was the fifth day in a row and Lucas felt more and more uncomfortable. It looked like he really was honest but he was too scared of the outcome to act on his feelings. So he kept his façade in place and tried to push him away but Nathan ignored his tries and never yelled back.

"I'm not sure I trust him" he said. She was flirting with Nathan the whole week and he was jealous. She knew how he felt, how could she do that to him?

_~ It's not fair of her to flirt with him so shamelessly when I'm around. It hurt. I know I'm not a potential boyfriend but it would be nice not to see them flirt. Why am I so fucked up? I'm a sick bastard. Maybe Dan was right all along ~_

"Oh, come on" she beamed "He's nice and honest. He would never hurt you intentionally"

"But he did" Lucas gave her a meaningful look.

"He changed his mind" she went on "He wants to be your brother. Give him a chance"

"I'll think about it" was the standard answer they got.

It was time for practice and Lucas was everything but happy about the fact. He liked basketball but they made his life hard. It wasn't much fun anymore but he would not give up. The time would come when he loved the sport again.

Nathan watched him while he changed "Does it still hurt?" he asked after the rest of the team left.

"No" he lied and closed his locker.

"Lucas" he grabbed the blonds arm "please"

The blond pulled his arm away and vanished "Shit" Nathan cursed.

They ignored Lucas as much as possible and did as if he wasn't even present but after a lecture from Whitey they changed their tactic again.

Lucas got the ball for the first time in an hour and jumped to engulf the ball in the basket as Skills and one of his buddies tried to crush him between their strong bodies. His mind raced as they slammed into him, by accident of course, it hurt but as he saw the ground coming closer by every second he felt strong arms around him. Nathan caught him before he hit the ground. He held his big brother in his arms and tightened his grip possessively "Are you alright?"

Lucas was confused and ashamed about his body's betrayal "Yeah" he blushed.

He wasn't sure how he ended in Nathan's arms and especially why Nathan stopped his fall.

Nathan's scent was intoxicating and the warmth of his strong arms around his chest created the best but saddest feeling he ever had, true love so out of reach it tore his heart in two. He closed his eyes while he fought for his breath and composure.

"I don't think you're alright" Nathan frowned, Lucas heart beat fast and his slim body was so warm in his arms.

Lucas got nervous "I'm fine" he struggled. Nathan released him and watched him closely "When you say so"

"Yeah" Lucas sighed as Whitey checked him for injuries before he started to preach again.

Lucas waited again for the team to leave, who knew what they would do to him when Whitey wasn't there for him. He entered the locker room after a while and went to the shower. Nathan watched him go in and decided to wait a little longer; he didn't want to give him the chance to flee. After ten minutes he slipped into the locker room and heard the shower, he grinned and peeked into the room. There stood his big brother in all his glory. The bruise was fading but there were new bruises around his torso.

_~ I grabbed him too hard, they look like my fingerprints. Strange I didn't let him fall but automatically reached for him as I saw his distressed expression._

_It's not the time to dwell on it; I can use the incident for my advantage._

_He really has a lithe build; no wonder the girls love him. Slender waist, well defined muscles … woooow what the hell… where came that thought from?_

_Okay I always had the suspicion I'm bi and I think that's the proof but he's my brother for god's sake. _

_Well he's a worthless creature, no one loves him, no one wants him … almost sad. _

_Okay bastard let's start the game ~_

"Why are you still here?" Lucas asked as he saw Nathan sitting on a bench.

"I want to make sure you're alright" he answered and noticed a sad look in his brother's eyes. He often looks like a kicked puppy, Nathan mused.

"I don't understand your change of heart" Lucas started to dress.

"I can't tell you why. It's the way I feel … I really can't explain" and the Oscar goes to Nathan, he smirked as Lucas turned around to grab his shoes.

"Okay" Lucas answered so low he almost missed it "Really?" the brunette asked confused. That was almost too easy but it was time for a success after all the time he invested.

"My apartment. Tomorrow after school?" Lucas frowned at this, suspicion written all over his face.

"I thought it's better to start without too much attention" Nathan winced, that was not a good way to convince him.

"Okay" Lucas said simply but there was something in his tone Nathan didn't like. It sounded hurt and resigned but conveyed the impression of normality, as if it was normal for him to be hidden away like useless goods.

"Be on time" Nathan gave him a blinding smile and left.

Lucas stared at Nathan's retreating back 'till he vanished behind the closing door "What the hell am I doing?" he sighed. He was sure it was a failure but he was so nice while he held him and after that "It's still a failure" he shut his locker and rushed out of the building.

The blond wasn't ready to go home so decided to go running so he could get his thoughts clear. He didn't want to think about tomorrow. He had to stop a few hundred meters before he reached his house. He wasn't running fast but he felt out of breath and his chest felt heavy.

"Damn it" he slowed down until he stopped and took deep breaths "I should train more and get a grip on myself"

He thought it was one of the many attendant symptoms of stress, but the future would show how wrong he was.


	2. Complications

The next school day ended far too soon for his liking. He stood in front of Nathan's apartment for twenty minutes before he plucked up his courage and knocked.

"Hey, I thought you changed your mind" Nathan joked to lighten the mood.

"I was delayed by … someone" he tried to find a white lie.

"Haley or Payton?" he grinned, looked like his big brother was a Casanova even though he never saw him kiss a girl or something like that.

"My mom" he lied, he was surprised how easy it could be to lie. No one ever accused him of lying; maybe he got so used to it that it was normal. Was he a liar? Was everything he did and wanted people to see a lie?

"Oh, how is she?" the brunette tried to start a conversation "She's fine" that was not a lie.

"Sit down" he pointed at the sofa "Do you want a beer?"

"Yes please" he sat down and looked around, it was a nice apartment and you could feel Nathan in it. It was his home and he felt like an intruder.

"Here" Nathan held the beer in front of the blonds face

"Thank you." Lucas smiled.

"Do you like other things than Basketball?" Nathan asked after the silence grew more and more uncomfortable.

"I like to read and write. I want to become an author"

"Lucas Eugene Roe bestseller author" the brunette grinned "I like that"

Lucas smiled slightly embarrassed "Thank you" Nathan realized how young he looked when he relaxed. "Do you have dreams?" the blond asked.

"NBA of course" Nathan sounded offended by the question. Lucas drank "Of course" he sighed, it wasn't Nathan's dream and they both knew it. He wasn't sure how to continue the conversation so he looked around again.

"Do you like my apartment?" Nathan asked, happy for a reason to talk.

"Yes I do" Lucas stared at a picture of Nathan and Dan, they looked happy in their own cranky way.

"I'm proud of it. I worked hard for it after I left home" he sipped on his beer.

"It must be hard to live alone" Lucas mused.

"I got used to it. I have friends and my relationship with Dan is better" he smiled, his life wasn't bad at all apart from the existence of his bastard brother.

Lucas smiled sadly and Nathan didn't know how to interpret this "It must be nice to have a father" he answered colder than Nathan had expected. It must hurt the blond to know he was the bastard son of a man like Dan. He had no chance to get money from him and he had definitely no chance of love. He ruined his father's life and he appeared in his life without permission. Nathan didn't want him here and he would do everything to make him go.

But why did his sad expression hurt so much? He was his enemy and he was supposed to dislike him.

"You have your mother, she does everything for you" Nathan envied him for the fact.

"She has a lot to do there is not much time for me, never was" he wasn't sure why he was so honest about it; somehow he had the feeling Nathan understood. They were brothers after all.

"Must be hard" Nathan sympathized, he understood his brother well. He had both parents but time was something they seldom had.

"It's my own fault" Lucas shrugged, he was often told to be the fault for shattered dreams so he started to believe it.

"Your fault?" Nathan frowned, why should it be his fault?

"Doesn't matter" Lucas finished his beer and was ready to leave; he talked too much and was sure he made himself vulnerable. How long would it take until the whole school knew about the things he told Nathan? He worried.

"Lucas?" Nathan followed him "Did I do something wrong?" why was he running from him?

"Not your fault" he gave him an apologetic look "I have an appointment. I almost forgot. See ya" and he ran.

"Lucas" Nathan sighed "what's weighing on your mind"

_~ And why the hell am I thinking about it? I'm supposed to hate him not to be his friend._

_But he is a sad and lonely boy. It's hard not to like him when you spend enough time with him. Lunch time at school is funny, it would be even better when he would accept my friendship. I try it again tomorrow ~_

He settled down on his couch and thought about the conversation and his big brother.

Lucas sat on his bed, arms wrapped around his knees "I like him" he sighed.

"I know you love him" Payton raised a brow.

"I mean I start to like him even more. He can be … nice and I like it to talk with him"

"Ohhh Lucas" she wrapped her arms around him "You have to let him go or you get hurt"

"I know but I want his friendship. I want my little brother to like me" he looked at her, why couldn't he be hetero? She was a nice girl and they could be together and happy but no god, Mother Nature or whoever made him a homo. A homo with incest wishes. He sighed deeply.

"It will be alright. You will see" she smiled and rubbed his back "Darkness is followed by light. You have to be believe in a better future, for your own sake"

"I know" he tilted his head back against the wall. Life was so hurtful and complicated.

"Do you think he will tell them what I told him?"

"No, I don't think so" she hoped he wouldn't betray Lucas trust "Nothing will change"

"I pray for my little brother's approval, that's pathetic"

"You are not pathetic. It's only natural to seek approval from family and friends" she loved Lucas like a brother but he was broken and she had no clue how to help him. All her hopes lay on Nathan a little luck would do wonders to him. It would be nice for someone else to like him, someone who was important to him but constantly absent. Father and brother. Dan didn't count so Nathan was the only person left who could give him the feeling of a halfway intact family life and in addition to that he was Lucas's secret love, it had to work.

"Let's watch a movie" Lucas changed the theme he hated it to speak about his feelings and he hated himself even more for being weak enough to do it.

"Okay" she pulled back and grabbed her jacket "but I want to go to the cinema" Payton decided he needed a change of scenery.

"Sure" he smiled at her and was thankful.

Nathan and a few of the team decided to watch a movie, it was Saturday evening and no party in town so they voted for a new horror movie.

"Hey, isn't it our favorite bastard" Skills pointed at Lucas who stood in the queue together with Payton. Nathan felt a strange sensation deep in the pit of his stomach which he couldn't identify.

"Let's watch them, maybe we collect some dirty secrets we can spread at school"

"It seems they chose the same movie, we are lucky today"

Nathan wasn't sure if he wanted to know what his brother and Payton were planning "Let's go" he said.

The movie was scary and Payton held Lucas hand and squeezed it tight as the murder rammed an iron rod through the skull of a skinny blond chick without outstanding talent. I would like to see the outtakes, he chuckled at his thought.

"Why did you agree to the movie when you're so frightened?" Lucas whispered into her ear.

"You like horror movies so we watch a horror movie. Let's think about the bill for the shrink later" she grinned, it seemed he liked the movie and that was worth a trauma.

"Thank you" he looked back at the screen, she squeezed his hand in return but this time not of fright. Nathan and the others sat five rows behind them and studied them thoughtfully

_~ Are they a couple? But they never indicate more than friendship. Are their feelings changing from friendship to love? She's holding his hand so tightly, it must be painful ~_

"Stop staring holes in their hands" Skills chuckled "Buddy, you're jealous. Snatch her away from him but stop glaring you're making me nervous"

"I'm not jealous" Nathan hissed but Skills grinned at him before he continued to watch the movie.

_~ Oh god, he's right I AM jealous but not because he holds her hand but because she's holding HIS hand. Geez, I'm jealous of my brother's best friend. I'm jealous, it can't be, my own brother. No that's sick, I'm confused nothing more ~_

But he couldn't deny that he was angry and it was his brother's fault.

Skills and the others interpreted his anger as a sign to pick at Lucas "Hey bastard boy" they yelled after the movie ended.

"Skills stop it" Nathan wasn't in the mood for trouble and picking at Lucas definitely meant trouble.

"Fuck off" Payton hissed "Payton ignore them, anger is what they want" Lucas grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the cinema.

"Ohh, the coward is fleeing" one of them made chicken noises at the same time.

"What do you want" Lucas tilted his head to look at them while he led Payton away.

"We want you gone" Skills ran and shoved Lucas to the ground "That's nothing new" the blond looked up at Skills "Shut up" he yelled and punched Lucas.

"Stop it" Nathan grabbed Skills arm before his fist could connect with Lucas face a second time.

"What have you planned this time? Strangling me? Beat the crap out of me until I don't even know how I got home?" Nathan's eyes widened what have they done to him without his knowledge? "Leave him alone" he yelled.

Skills backed off, he thought it was part of Nathan's plan so he left the field with the others in tow.

"Are you alright?" the brunette kneeled next to Lucas and inspected his face and arms "Did you sprain your wrist or broke something?" he touched the blonds hand gently; the last thing he wanted was causing him more pain.

"It's only a scratch, nothing is sprained or broken" Lucas watched Nathan. It was so unlike him, he had the feeling his brother was worried for real.

"Why can't they leave you alone?" Payton sniffed "They always hurt you mentally or physically"

"How often do they treat you like that?" Nathan frowned "Don't do as if you don't know the answer already" Lucas glared at him.

"It seems there are a lot of things I don't know"

"Once, sometimes twice a week" Payton answered "Payton" Lucas warned.

"No Lucas it has to stop, they can't treat you like dirt because your family hates you" her eyes widened, that wasn't what she wanted to say. It came out all wrong "Lucas" she flung herself on him "It didn't mean it like that, please, I'm sorry" Nathan winced there was so much pain in Lucas blue eyes.

"It's okay Payton. No harm done" he sounded calm. Nathan realized that Lucas hid from the world. The Lucas he knew, the Lucas everyone knew was not the real Lucas. He wanted to know him, the real Lucas. The funny and sad man he so seldom saw. He had a new project, get to know his real brother.

"Come on. I take you home" Nathan helped him up and placed his hand on the small of his back. "I'm not a child" Lucas glared at him but enjoyed the feeling of his brother's hand against his back.

"It's my fault" Payton sighed "We should have watched a movie at home"

"It's not your fault" he patted her back "I can't hide 24/7"

"No one should have to hide" Nathan grumbled "They won't hurt you anymore"

"Don't make promises you don't intend to keep" Lucas flexed his hand, the abrasion smarted apart from that his hand was fine.

"You are not fine" Nathan grabbed his hand. He watched his brother flex his hand carefully and a small wince appeared on his face. Lucas was strong and bright but it seemed he was vulnerable at heart.

"It's nothing" he tried to free his hand, Payton smiled to herself. They bantered like children and she had a feeling that it was a start.

"I have to go" she interfered "Please take care of him" Payton looked at Nathan. He smiled and gave her a small nod.

"See you on Monday, okay?" she hugged Lucas "use the chance" she whispered before she patted his shoulder and left.

Nathan checked his face again "That's one hell of a bruise you got"

"Stop coddling me, I'm older than you" Lucas sounded annoyed, it was his job to keep an eye on his brother not vice versa.

"But you're the one who got hurt" he wanted to care for his brother.

_~ Brother. He is my brother. Not a bastard, not an intruder. Only my brother._

_I never thought about his life, his feelings. Maybe it's time to really look at him and form my own opinion. I always did what dad expects from me. That could be the problem between us. He does what he thinks is right. I do what others want me to do ~_

His feelings and thought scared him. It didn't fit with the things he learned, the things he believed in.

"Nathan?" Lucas stared at him with worry in his eyes. He was the one hurt but apparently showed worries for his arch enemy. That was something Nathan did not understand.

"Yes?" he shoved back his thoughts "Are you alright?" the blond eyed him carefully. The brunette was paler than normal and he was obviously brooding.

"I was lost in thoughts" he replied "Let's get you home" Nathan led him down the road.

"Why are you doing this?" Lucas asked after a while, he was confused and needed answers.

"I dunno" Nathan really didn't know why, it was his goal to crush him but the longer he watched him and tried to analyze him the more he disgust himself.

"You don't know why you're friendly?" Lucas frowned "I'm your enemy number one, the black sheep of our nonexistent family"

"I watched you" Nathan started "and I realized that you're not the person I thought you to be"

"How long are you watching me?" the blond sounded amused.

That was a good question, when did he start to watch him? "The day you joined the team" he answered. He watched him; he envied him for his talent, for his intelligence and that fueled his hate even more.

"I always watched you" Lucas confessed, he started to trust him.

"You did?" Nathan never noticed his attention.

"I wanted to learn more about you. I know I'm an illegitimate child but we are brothers after all" he took a deep breath "I hoped we could be brothers but I was wrong. I'm an intruder and not a part of your life"

"We can try to change it" Nathan glanced at the blond "I can't say I like you and I can't say you're my brother but we can work on it"

"I would like that" Lucas smiled at him. The smile was blinding and honest, Nathan never saw him smile like that before. It warmed his heart.

"Do you want to hang out with me tomorrow?" Nathan smiled in return "Brook throws a party and I think it could be fun"

Lucas thought about it and decided to take the risk. Skills and the others would be there too but he couldn't allow them to control his life "Yes"

"It's a date then" Nathan joked but his happy face faltered as he saw his older brother blush.

The blush pleased him to no end; he had his brother in his hands and would use it against him when the time comes.

They remained silent for the rest of the way, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence and gave both boys time to sneak glances and dwell in thoughts.

"See you tomorrow" Nathan waved and got a smile in return.

Lucas opened the door and went to his room. His mother wasn't back yet so he skipped supper and used the time to read. He would do everything but think.


	3. Realization

"You're going with Nathan to Brook's party?" Haley yelled "I wanted to ask him out" she pouted.

"Haley, it's not a date you can spend the whole evening with him when he let you" Lucas rolled his eyes. Payton hid a sigh, Haley could be so tactless but that was even for her standards rude "Haley, stop it"

She continued to pout "I'll ask him to spend time with you okay?" Lucas pitied her. He knew how she felt and he wanted to make her happy. If he couldn't be happy, than at least, his friends could. Payton swallowed her anger "Lucas" she chided.

He smiled at her and that drove her crazy "Do you think he will go out with me?" Haley asked before Payton got a chance to explode.

"I think so" he faked a genuine smile "You're beautiful, smart … cheeky" she laughed and hit his shoulder "Charmer"

She jumped up and grabbed "I have to buy new clothes. I want to look nice tonight" she kissed Lucas cheek and hugged Payton before she ran out of the house.

"You're incorrigible" Payton sighed "Why do you do that?"

"She has a chance to be happy" he ran a hand through his hair "We will be brothers nothing more, when I'm lucky"

"How can a person be so selfless" she chided "I like you the way you are but sometimes I could hit you"

"Don't you want to see them happy?

"Of course I do but I want to see you happy as well" she crawled closer to him.

"I'm satisfied when people I love are happy"

"Satisfied is not happy and I want you to be happy" she thought about a way to help him but there was none unless Nathan falls in love with him.

"I take what I can get" he ruffled her hair "come, let us get ready for tonight"

"It's only 4 p.m." she frowned

"I know how long you need to get ready" she punched his chest in a played hurtful manner.

Lucas stepped out of the shower as the doorbell rang, his mother wasn't home so he dressed quickly and opened the door. He was surprised "Nathan?"

"Hey, I thought I pick you up" he waited to be invited in "Can I come in?" he asked as Lucas continued to stare at him.

"Oh, of course" he stepped aside "Wait a moment. I got out of the shower as you rang and I have to dress properly" Nathan stared at him. Lucas wore gray sweatpants and his shirt wasn't buttoned up. His pale skin still wet from the shower. Nathan swallowed "Sure" he smiled as he noticed Lucas was waiting for an answer. He watched his brother's retreating back and swallowed again. His brother was indeed beautiful especially when he smiled.

Nathan sat down on the couch and inspected the interior. It was a nice house and lovingly decorated. There were a few pictures of Lucas and his mom on the cupboard and a few of Lucas and Keith. It looked like a happy family life but he knew better. He knew how deceiving pictures could be. They held only one moment of peace and happiness. Smiles and laughter was what people wanted to see on pictures, so we smile, we laugh even though we didn't mean it. Nathan presumed that only half of them were truly pictures of better times.

He kept staring at a childhood picture, Lucas must have been ten. Keith had his arm around Lucas shoulder and both proudly showed the first prize emblem Lucas must have won.

They looked happy but the longer Nathan looked at it the more he noticed that the smile never reached Lucas's eyes.

_~ I'm sure Karen is a loving mother but she's a single parent it can't be easy for them. She has to work hard to enable Lucas education, the life like he knows it._

_I can't imagine how it must be without a real father. Dan isn't parent of the year material but he's there and I love him for that. To be maligned by the own father must be sad. The endless fight to gain approval from a man who wasn't even his father, because his real father wouldn't even look at him without disgust. I think Karen and Keith did a good job ~_

Lucas stood at the end of the stairs and watched his little brother. He looked lost in thoughts while he stared at the pictures.

_~ Are you pitying me? For a life, less worthy than yours? Or are you laughing at me for how worthless I am? Your life isn't better than mine, it's only different. We lack different things but there is one thing we have in common. The fight for approval ~_

"I'm ready" Lucas finally said. Nathan turned around surprised by the sudden interruption of his thoughts. Lucas looked fantastic; he wore black trouser and a white button up shirt. He looked young and loving. It must be Karen's influence on him.

"Let's go" Nathan beamed which took Lucas breath away. His brother wore black trousers and a dark red shirt which suited him exceedingly. His eyes gleamed in the bright light of the living room lamp.

"Okay" his calm expression faltered and it didn't go unnoticed.

"You're okay" Nathan wasn't sure what changed his brother's demeanor.

"I'm fine" Lucas got a grip on himself.

"You're not" Nathan said annoyed "Don't lie to me"

"I have to see Skills and the team and that's worrying me" Lucas confessed calmly but his eyes betrayed him again.

The emotion in his eyes never match his words, Nathan mused "I protect you" he offered.

"I don't need your protection" Lucas felt like a child.

"Okay" but Nathan had no intention to listen. He would protect him if he wanted to or not.

"Haley would like to spend the evening with you" Lucas choked out, he needed a new topic and he promised to make her happy.

Nathan frowned at the pained expression on his brother's face "I don't think so"

"Huh?" now Lucas was the one who frowned.

"I spend the evening with you like I promised" the blond was cute when he looked surprised.

"You don't have to" Lucas felt uncomfortable.

"But I want to" Nathan smiled again as his brother blushed. He liked to make him blush.

"She has a crush on you" the blond blurted out, he wanted to slap himself.

"I know" Nathan scratched his head "It's hard not to notice"

Lucas looked at him and stumbled. Nathan grabbed his arm to steady him "Be careful"

"Thank you" he freed himself of Nathan's strong grip around his arm "You surprised me that's all"

"I did?" Nathan studied his brother's eyes "You never showed the slightest sign of knowledge"

"I'm not interested in her" the brunet sighed "and I don't know how to tell her to leave me alone. She is a nice girl and I hoped she gets the message"

"She can be slow" Lucas smirked "but you're right she is a nice girl"

"Do you love her?" that would explain the pained expression he wore while he asked.

"No, we are nothing more than friends"

"And Payton?" Nathan felt jealous again, he remembered their entwined fingers.

"No, she's my best friend" Lucas glanced at the brunette "Do you like her?"

"She's not my type. I don't know I feel nothing when I'm around her"

Lucas was relieved "Is there someone you like?" his eyes widened, he didn't expect the question "Yeah" he smiled gently "And you?"

"I'm not sure yet. I feel something for someone but I'm not sure what it is" Nathan suspected that he was falling for his brother. He had hoped it was brotherly love that bloomed in his chest but his heart told him otherwise.

"What is she like?" Nathan needed to know.

Lucas looked at ground, avoiding his brother "Tall, brunette and her eyes are stunning. I think I fell in love with these eyes. She's smart and funny. Her gentle side is absolutely heartwarming" Nathan's jealousy grew and grew "Sounds like a nice girl"

"Yeah" the blond smiled fondly. The warm expression on his brother's face sent daggers through his heart.

"And the girl you like?" Lucas didn't want to imagine his brother with someone else but he had to know who took his brother's heart.

"Tall, blond, her eyes are beautiful too. She's very bright and I think she will lead a successful life. She can be so gentle it almost hurt but her smile takes my breath away" the brunette explained.

"You're wrong" Lucas whispered "What?" Nathan was afraid he revealed too much.

"You know exactly what you feel" Lucas lip curled up into a light smile overshadowed by sadness "Does she know you like her?"

"No" Nathan shook his head "Does she know you like her?"

"No" that explained the sadness on his face, Nathan thought "Why not?"

"Unrequited and you?" Lucas asked and hoped at least his brother could be happy.

"Unrequited" he sighed.

"Welcome to the broken heart club" the blond half joked.

"I liked the movie and it didn't end that bad" Nathan hold out on the fact he almost cried.

"You saw it?" Lucas asked in awe, he hadn't thought Nathan would watch a movie about homosexuals. Dean Cane and Timothy Olyphant were cool and it was the first movie he saw with Zack Braff. The role of a homosexual drug addict suited him, somehow.

"Yeah" Nathan nodded "Don't give up and chase your dreams but be willing to compromise on important things"

"Well summarized" Lucas mocked; it was nice to talk about movies they both liked.

"Seems someone is awaiting you" Nathan grinned as they reached the corner and saw Payton waving at them.

"Why are you so late?" she nagged "You're too early" Lucas grinned.

"MOI?" she pressed a hand against her chest "I'm only one minute an thirty six seconds early"

"So we are not late?" Nathan raised a brow "we always meet fifteen minutes before a party starts. To check our outfit, talk about our plans…" Payton explained.

"Payton! Take breath" Lucas rubbed her back "No one will be on time so we have enough time to tell you how beautiful you look in your dress and how beautiful your eyes are because of the make- up you wear"

"You're messing around with me right?" she frowned.

"Oh yeah" Lucas laughed "But you look good" Nathan added. It was the first time he wasn't jealous of her and it dawned on him that Lucas was right, he knew the answer. He sighed.

"Where is Haley?" Lucas looked around "She called and said she comes thirty minutes later. I think she had a problem with her outfit"

"Oh" Lucas scratched his head "What do you mean with oh?" she sent him a glare.

"I don't want to spend the evening with her, I think that's the 'oh'" Nathan shuffled his feet.

"Oh" Payton was surprised but it wasn't negative "You have plans for tonight?"

"I spend the night with my big brother" slipped out of Nathan's mouth before he thought about it.

Lucas jaw dropped and he looked terribly confused "What?"

Nathan was at a loss for words, good job Nathan, he sighed inwardly "I mean technically you are my big brother"

"Ah" it was a fact not a feeling Lucas reminded himself. What else not long ago Nathan said he didn't even like him yet.

The disappointment on his brother's face tore at his heart, don't forget your goal Nathan, he reminded himself. He planned to crush him not to love him.

"Let us go in" Payton took Lucas's hand and dragged him inside.

Nathan followed with lowered head "Damn it" he talked to himself.

They were surprised how many people were already there "Wow, it's not even eight p.m." Payton spied the alcohol "I'm back in an instant"

"Haha" Lucas laughed "That's my girl"

A spark of jealousy shot through the brunette "Boozer" he mocked.

Lucas gave him a blinding smile "Come let's grab a drink" he grabbed his brother's arm and led him to the bar.

"Nice party" Nathan stated, the music was good and the atmosphere was great. He sipped on his third drink.

Lucas was less enthusiastic; he could feel their stares and heard them whisper about his new found relationship with his brother. They thought he did it for money or to get close to Dan. Others even thought he wanted to bath in Nathan's light and wait for an opportunity to destroy his image "Yeah, nice party" he took a huge gulp o f his drink. He couldn't get drunk enough to tolerate them.

"Very convincing" Nathan snorted "Don't listen to them"

"Easy for you to say, they don't think you're a worthless moocher" he took another gulp.

"I don't want to hear you say that ever again" Lucas knew he made his brother angry but wasn't sure why. Nathan cupped his cheek "You are not worthless und you are not a moocher. Do you understand?"

Lucas nodded in confusion but he seemed to glow in the dim light. Nathan realized that, somehow, he made his brother happy.

"I- I … I'm back in a minute, I have to.. . you know" the blond stuttered, he was overwhelmed with the emotions Nathan directed at him and with his own.

Nathan frowned as Lucas fled "It seems you two got closer" Skills appeared behind him and left no time to think about his brother.

"The plan works just fine" he smiled "and why is he running" Skills smirked.

"Toilet" Nathan said simply, he was sure he overcharged the blond with his outburst. The brunette had the feeling that a speech in his favor was not self-evident.

"Who do you want tonight?" Skills eyed the girls like they were his pray, maybe they were exactly this, his pray "I think I take her" he pointed at a skinny girl with soft skin the color of chocolate and silky, curly hair. She definitely was a beauty.

"I have other plans" Nathan looked around "I promised to spend the night with him"

"What you sacrifice a fuck to spend the night with him? Are you crazy man? You'll get laid tonight and that's my last word" Skills left no room for arguments.

"I have plans by the way … where is he. He should be back by now" Nathan was worried, what if Skills planned something? He searched for Payton and was relieved to find Lucas next to her.

"Hey, Nathan. Hey!" the brunette left a stunned Skills behind "What the hell…tzk" he frowned.

"Lucas I almost thought Skills got you" Nathan chuckled "He was too busy talking with you" Lucas felt uncomfortable. Skills was Nathan's best friend and he was only his bastard brother. He knew who would lose when Nathan had to choose one day.

"We are friends I have every right to talk with him. I won't give up my friends for you" Nathan hissed. The talk with Skills remembered him of his true goal.

"I know that" Lucas refilled his glass and elbowed his way through the crowd "Hey Haley" he faked a smile "You're late"

"I know" she blushed "He's with Payton do you see her?" she nodded "Have a good time with him" he hugged her and continued to elbow his way out.

"Hi" Haley blushed "You look good"

"You too" he glanced over her shoulder and tried to follow Lucas with his eyes but he lost him.

"Do you want to dance" her eyes glittered with anticipation, he couldn't say no "One dance"

Payton sighed heavily "Idiot" she pressed a hand against her forehead, so much to 'I'll spend the evening with my brother', she thought.

Lucas stood next to the front door and watched his brother dance with Haley, even though he knew she wasn't the one Nathan loved he couldn't stop to feel jealous and betrayed.

It was time for him to go home.

Nathan searched for Lucas; he thought it was better to calm down before he chased his brother. A quarrel could destroy the fragile friendship they build and whatever Skills and Dan wanted him to do, he didn't want to give him up. He thought about it while he danced with Haley. He said he would chose his friends but he wasn't so sure anymore.

"Hey, have you seen Lucas" he asked Skills who appeared right in front of him.

"He left a while ago. It seems your plan isn't working so smoothly like you thought" he grinned, they already scored two points. Nathan still zero.

"See ya" was the curt reply before he rushed out of the house. He wasn't in the mood for Skills games and especially not games concerning his brother.

He knew he didn't handle the situation well but why was Lucas so angry he left?

"I should prepare myself for a lot of yelling" he sighed; he knew he definitely deserved it.

Nathan used the time to think and made up an explanation for his behavior.

The problem was it was late and Karen wouldn't let him in at this time "She would never let me in, no matter which time" he talked to himself. He walked around the house, the back door was locked and he didn't even know where his room was. That left only Karen, the living room lamp was still on.

Nathan rang the bell and waited "What do you want? Did something happen to your Father?" she sounded almost worried but he knew better.

"I want to talk to Lucas" he said honest "We had a little fight and I wanted to say sorry. He was angry at me and I don't want to wait until the anger rises to the point of no return"

That sounded so unlike a Scott that she decided to let him in "Why are you worried if his angry or not?"

"We started to be something like friends and I don't want to lose this"

"You hurt and harassed him since he joined the team, why the hell do you care now?" he looked shocked and at a loss for words.

"Lucas may not tell me what happens but I'm his mother I can see it. The sadness in his eyes, his lack of communication or the bruises he tries to hide" she looked rather sad than angry.

"I want to make things right" Nathan swallowed "I want us to be brothers and I decided to treat him well"

"I hope you do" she led him to Lucas room "Lucas you have a visitor" she knocked.

"Send her away" his mother smiled, it seemed he expected Payton to look for him.

"It's me" Nathan tried; Karen left them to deal with their problem on their own.

He heard a frustrated groan and decided to try his luck "Lucas?" the room was dark and there lay a slim figure on the bed.

Nathan settled down on the bed next to his brother "I'm sorry. I know you're angry"

"I'm not angry" said a tired voice. Nathan didn't expect an answer at all "Sure" the brunette snorted.

"I'm not angry. You were right I forgot my place" the blond turned his back to Nathan. He was too drained to seek trouble or talk.

Nathan came closer and rested a hand on Lucas's side "Sometimes I forget which role I'm playing. It wasn't my intention to hurt you. I'm so used to the roles we're playing that I forgot for one moment that we are not enemies"

Lucas enjoyed the touch and drank in every word Nathan said. It sounded plausible, he couldn't expect him to change that fast and he didn't want him to change at all. He wanted the real Nathan, the one who talked about movies, who defended him, who said he was not worthless.

"It's okay. We talk on Monday" Lucas sat up to show his brother out but found himself with an armful of his brother instead.

The feel of Lucas warm and soft skin aroused him and without thinking he threw himself in his brother's arm. He buried his face in the crook of his neck and pulled the blond close, but he felt as if he couldn't be close enough to him "I decided that I like you, very much"

Lucas's heart raced what should he do? He wanted so much to kiss his warm and soft lips.

He drew his brother closer and rubbed his back instead "I like you too" he pressed a kiss against his temple.

Nathan shuddered at the contact with Lucas lips "Lucas I have something to confess" he was desperate to deal with the overwhelming feelings which bubbled on the inside.

They are meant to be enemies, they are meant to be apart but he couldn't stand the thought while he lay in his brother's arm.

"You remember the girl I described?" Nathan whispered "I remember" Lucas tilted his head.

"She isn't a she" Nathan said barely audible "You're gay?" the blond gasped.

"Bi" the younger brother answered "Do you remember the girl I described?" Lucas chuckled. He was sure he gone insane or died and was in heaven.

Nathan nodded against Lucas's shoulder "Don't tell me she is a he too"

"Okay, I won't tell you" Lucas stated while he continued to rub soothing circles on his brother's back.

"I think I love you" Nathan whispered all self-confidence to hell.

Tears escaped Lucas's eyes, he tightened the hug. He wasn't able to speak so he decided to act. Lucas kissed Nathans neck.

"I interpret it as an 'I think I love you too" Nathan slipped his hand under his brother's shirt.

"No" Nathan drew his hand away as if burned "Sorry" he tried to free himself but Lucas grip tightened even more "You misunderstood" the blond said gently "I don't think I love you. I definitely know that I love you since the first time I laid my eyes on you"

Nathan froze, this couldn't be. His brother loved him all this time without him noticing. Guilt was burning through his heart and soul "Oh god"

Lucas loosened his hug and shoved his brother away so he could look at him "I'm sorry I fell in love with you, when you're uncomfortable we can…" he paused. The look on his brother's face was heartbreaking.

Nathan cupped Lucas cheeks "All this time I hated you. I was mean and used every chance I got to harass you. And all the time you were in love with me" the realization shook his whole world. He was a heartless monster, he hurt Lucas deeply. Lucas love for him was a weapon he used against him again and again and he didn't even know. He saw the pain he inflicted with his behavior without to know about his feelings and that was hard to take but now that he knew he didn't want to imagine how painful it must have been to be hated by the one you loved most.

"You couldn't know. I'm good at hiding what I feel, okay; I reached a point where I'm not able anymore to hide everything. People start to notice because the rumor mill shows them where to look" Lucas babbled, how could he explain what he felt? How could he explain that he forgave him? "My mom looks at me with sad eyes; Payton is always around to make sure I'm alright. But you know what?" Nathan shook his head "I'm not mad at you. You're forgiven if it helps you"

"How can you forgive me?" Lucas didn't know.

"I love you and I knew it wouldn't be easy because of Dan and mom and our disaster of a family. You're my brother I never thought you could love me back, that was what hurt most. Knowing you would never be mine. Sure it hurt, very much but I'm not innocent either. I joined the game you started; I'm supposed to dislike you because you're Dan's son that is what people expect from me. Dan wants me dead, my mom ruined her life because she kept me and your life is hard because I exist"

"That's not true your mom is happy she has you, I'm happy you exist even if I needed time to understand and Dan doesn't want you dead either"

Lucas smiled knowingly "He wanted an abortion. I know he was scared. He and mom were so young but he abandoned me so I think he still wishes I'm gone"

There was nothing Nathan could say Lucas was right "He has only one son… hasn't he?" he mumbled.

"Yes he has you and only you. I'm only a mistake he never wanted to happen" Lucas rubbed his thumb over Nathan's cheekbone.

"So what we feel is okay" Lucas was surprised of Nathan's reply, it was okay was it? "Okay or not we can't change it anymore"

Nathan cupped his brother's neck and pulled him into a gentle kiss. Hands tracing over well toned muscles and soft skin. They parted for air "I love you and you will be my big brother and lover forever" Nathan vowed. He saw the real Lucas, the lonely and abandoned child. He wanted to take care of him, to plaster a genuine smile on his face. Now and forever, to hell with the bet. He could use it to save Lucas without losing his face.

"Can I kiss you again?" Nathan asked "You didn't ask the first time, so I think it's too late to be a gentleman" the blond smirked.

Nathan initiated a more heated kiss "I should go before your mother kicks my ass" he panted.

"Do we keep up the façade at school or can we be brothers?" Lucas wanted to know what to expect on Monday.

"Brothers" Nathan kissed his forehead "From now on we are supposed to be brothers"

The smile he got let his hurt jump "Till Monday, big brother" he patted the blonds' cheek and left.

Lucas lies down and fell asleep with a happy smile on his face. Now was not the time to think about intentions and what ifs. It was time to feel happiness for the first time in ages "Big brother" he mumbled.


	4. Shock

"Where were you?" Haley asked angry "We wanted to have fun together but you vanished after I showed up"

"I didn't feel well" it wasn't a lie "I saw you dance with Nathan" he changed the topic and winced inwardly. He was his brother's boyfriend. That meant he snatched him away from her. Nathan may not be interested but it wasn't right because he knew how she felt. Though she knew how he felt and that didn't stop her to lay her hands on his brother.

"He left after the dance. I hoped he would stay with me and you know…" she looked so innocent it almost hurt. Lucas realized she was so blind from love she wasn't aware of the things she did. "Next time" he wanted to slap himself, there wasn't a next time.

Payton listened to their conversation and felt the urge to hit Haley, how could she be so oblivious? But what disturbed her most was the guilt in Lucas eyes and there was something else she couldn't identify.

"I hope so" Haley beamed "I have to go, see you later"

Lucas waved at her before he took his books out of the locker "Okay, what happened between Nathan and you?" Payton blurted out.

Her jaw dropped as he blushed furiously "Oh my, you got him?" she put her hand over her mouth.

He gave her a small nod "We kissed, he said he loves me"

She squealed "Oh that's wonderful" and pulled him into a sisterly hug "You deserve this don't think otherwise"

"Thank you" he patted her back "I think you should let me go he sends daggers into your back"

She released him and turned around; she looked right into his icy eyes. She gave him and thumbs up and fled into the classroom.

"What was that?" Nathan frowned.

"I think your death glare scared her" the blond smirked "You know she's only a friend?"

"I know" he sighed "but it was a disturbing sight. I'll get used to it, promise"

"Well I think she'll get over it. The main problem is Haley"

"What's the problem?" the brunette tilted his head and glared at Tim who tried to eavesdrop.

"Your glares scare me too" Lucas confessed while he watched Tim leave, whistling an old rock song.

"I thought you're scared of nothing" Nathan joked.

"I don't like to seem weak but something in me cringes when you look at me like that"

"Good we are brothers now" he slapped his back "Come we're running late"

It was an absolute boring day at school lunch was the only highlight. Nathan sat with his brother and his friends they talked and joked about this and that.

Nathan realized what friendship could be like. He had his own friends but they were different. Most times they drunk and harassed people or talked behind their back, days they actually talked, really talked, were limited. Training wasn't something he was looking forward to, Lucas was their main victim.

He stood in the locker room and watched his teammates.

'What are you thinking about?' Lucas had asked, what should he say? I'm afraid they'll hurt you? That was a fact Lucas knew. It's my fault? That too Lucas knew. It wasn't an easy task to protect his brother. Lucas was his older brother but for Nathan he was his baby brother. He was the one who needed protection. He was the one who hadn't a mighty father by his side. He was only older by age and he behaved older than he was but only because he had to grow up fast.

Lucas had to help his mother; he had to defend himself there was not much space left for childlike behavior. Nathan was sure Lucas had joy but he lived a life no one had to endure.

So he said 'Our talk a few days ago' and winked at him. He couldn't tell the trough. He had to figure out what he thought and felt first.

_~ Where is Lucas? Is he waiting again 'till the others stroll into the hall? ~_

He shut the locker "Is your brother lurking in the shadows again?" Skills grinned.

"I wouldn't want to spend more time with you than necessary either" Nathan wasn't sure why he said this. He had to play the game for Lucas's sake.

"Sounds someone has a weak spot for his brother" Skills licked his bottom lip.

"I have to act like a brother even when he's not around. What if someone overhears and tells him what I said? Right, it destroys my plan" he whispered.

"You're more intelligent than I thought" Skills laughed, Nathan really could be calculating.

"Now go so he comes in" Nathan shoved him to the exit, Skills continued to laugh.

"They know you're hiding, maybe it's better to change your tactic" the younger said as Lucas slipped into the room.

"They can't hurt me when I'm not around. Do you know how hard it is to hide something from my mother? Sometimes I think she has cameras installed everywhere I go"

"I can't make them stop" he brushed his hand against the blonds' waist.

"You don't have to. They won't break me. I don't let them. I decided long ago that no one will ever break me" the blond smiled self-confident. He had his friends and Nathan that was all that mattered.

"Good boy" Nathan ruffled his hair "I'll catch you if you fall" with that he left a stunned Lucas behind.

He remembered the last time Nathan held him in his strong arms after the team attacked him, it was the moment he started to let his guard down. He still hoped it wasn't a mistake. With a deep sigh he made his way to the court.

"Lucas don't stand around run" Whitey yelled "and you give him the ball when he's free, damn it"

Lucas hoped training would be over soon. He felt flabby and his performance was everything but great. The blond was almost happy he hadn't to run that much but it was irritating to be ignored. They had no right to interfere with their training. They had to work together when they wanted to win the next game.

"Nathan stops glaring you make me nervous" Whitey said as Nathan stopped in front of him.

"Can't you stop them?" he asked "They ignore him and he has to train too or he has to sit on the bench during the next game"

Whitey nodded and sent him back on the field, the Scott boy was right but he wondered since when he had an interest in his brother.

The team changed their tactic too, not for today but for the next time. They decided to initiate a few accidents. Whitey couldn't forbid them to play especially not with Dan Scott by their side but their trainer grew more and more unpleasant.

After training was over Lucas joined them in the locker room. Hiding was a weakness Dan would never appreciate. As much as he despised him he loved him. He was his daddy and that was a fact Dan and even he couldn't change. It was stupid to seek love from someone who never wanted him but he couldn't change the way he felt. He envied Nathan's relationship with his father. Lucas loved Keith but he wasn't his dad and would never be.

Maybe it wasn't even love; it was more the urge of being accepted. Money, the name that were things he never wanted. He wanted to feel appreciated.

Skills bumped into Lucas "Watch were you're going, idiot"

"You're the one with lousy grades. I'll get a stipendium with basketball or without" Lucas glared.

"Watch your mouth, freak or your mommy doesn't recognize you when you get home" they stood face to face.

"What do you want to do? Hurt me with your stupidity? I think it's little too late for that"

The others chuckled what pissed Skills off even more he wanted to launch himself at Lucas as Nathan grabbed him and dragged him into the shower. He turned the cold shower on and held him in place.

"Ahhhh, are you stupid man, what the hell" he yelled and choke on some water.

"Leave him alone" Nathan stepped out of the shower room as he saw the escalating argument. He didn't bother to think; he acted by instinct and dragged him away from his brother.

"YOU!" he hissed while he looked at Lucas who stood near the door and watched the show.

Nathan let go of him "Come on Lucas time to go home"

That evening the bet turned into something very, very personal.

"That was stupid" Lucas told him "You should be careful or you're his next victim"

"Don't worry" Nathan took his brother's hand and rubbed his thumb over his knuckles. It was dark outside and no one was in sight "I'm who I am, he will not act against me"

"I'm not so sure" the blond sighed and squeezed the hand he held "Something says me this will have consequences"

"May there be consequences I'll not give in" he smiled at his older brother encouragingly.

"I hope you're right" he didn't think they would hurt him physical but mentally.

Lucas let go of his brother's hand as Haley turned into the road "Hey guys" she stopped.

"Hey" Lucas put up his fake smile, Nathan noticed how good his brother was.

"Uhm, would you like to go to the cinema with me next Saturday?" she spoke to Nathan.

"Lucas and I want to watch the new action-comedy movie" he decided spontaneous.

Lucas played along "We made plans for the whole weekend" he tried to keep her away from him.

"Cool I want to see the movie too. I come with you. When you have nothing against it" she beamed. She saw a chance.

Nathan looked at his brother and read the look on his face. They couldn't say no to her. Sorry I have a date with my brother? I try to bond with my brother so we watch a movie while holding hands "Sure" he turned back to her.

"Great, see ya tomorrow at school" she sped away.

"So we had a date planned for Saturday" the blond grinned.

"Yeah, don't you remember? I'm hurt" he placed his hand above his heart.

Lucas laughed "Oh, now that you mention it"

"Maybe …" he wanted to say that they could get rid of Haley after the movie as Lucas mobile phone rang.

"Mom?" he frowned "Mom not so fast. Mom! What happened?" his face fell and shock was written all over his face "What? When?" he stuttered. Nathan put an arm around his shoulder to offer comfort which Lucas accepted gladly "Okay, I'm on my way"

"What happened?" his brother's expression worried him terribly "Talk to me"

"Keith had a heart attack, he's at the hospital and I have to…" he paused, he had problems to work with the information he got.

"I'll accompany you. You don't have to do it alone" Nathan pulled him closer and kissed his temple "Hush" he whispered soothing words.

His mother awaited him "Lucas" she pulled him into a hug "He's okay, he has to stay for a few days" she rubbed his back and nodded at Nathan.

"He scared me for a while" she whipped a tear away "but he'll be alright"

Lucas was relived "Thank god" he tried to calm himself down for his mother's sake.

"Miss Roe you can visit him now, he's only allowed to have one visitor tonight" an elderly nurse said. Karen nodded "I tell him that you're here" Lucas nodded.

Nathan hugged him after Karen left "You see he's okay" he felt Lucas nod against his neck.

"Are you relatives?" the nurse asked friendly "Yes we are" Nathan answered for them.

"We have to test you, he has HMC it's a sickness which affects the heart and it's possible that you have it too" Lucas froze in Nathan's arms.

"We could have it too?" Nathan swallowed; she nodded "Come by tomorrow morning, please"

Nathan clung to his brother for dear life

_~ We could be sick too. What does it mean to have a sick heart? No basketball, no running._

_Is everything strenuous forbidden?_

_What does it mean for me? I lose Dan's approval; will I lose his love too? I love basketball I don't want to quit. What if I leave him alone in this world? I don't want to die._

_What if Lucas is sick? He loves basketball as much as I do. He's bright he has not to worry for his stipendium but what if I lose him? My brother can be hotheaded when threatened._

_What if he dies? ~_

His heart clenched painfully at this thoughts. Both had much to lose.

He clung to his brother's back and was sure it would leave bruises.

Lucas didn't feel the pain as his brother's fingers dug into his flesh he was too lost in his thoughts

_~ It can't be true, it can't! Isn't our life uncomfortable enough?_

_What if Nathan has to quit basketball? It would ruin his life, he wouldn't get a stipendium, Dan would be angry._

_Would he hate me for playing basketball while he sat on the bench? Of course he would._

_I don't want to lose him. He's my brother, my love, my lifeline._

_What if I'm sick? My mom would cry and worry. It would hurt her deeply._

_Dan would be happy to get rid of me._

…

_The symptoms I have, are they related to HMC? ~_

"Stay with me tonight" Nathan offered, Karen wouldn't leave the hospital and Lucas would be all alone at home and brood "Sit down and I tell your mother, okay?"

The blond nodded and settled down on a hard plastic chair. He had a lot to think about.

Nathan pocked his head into the room "Lucas will stay with me tonight, maybe even tomorrow so you have all the time you need" he almost whispered.

"Thank you" she mouthed and turned back to Keith.


	5. First time

"Make yourself at home" Nathan dropped the duffle bag next to the door. They stopped at Lucas's house to pack a few things.

Lucas slumped onto the couch and stared at the ceiling "Do you want a beer?" the brunette took two bottles out of the fridge without to wait for an answer.

"Thank you" the blond took the bottle with a sigh.

"Do you want something to eat? We can order pizza" Nathan offered.

"I'm not hungry" he lent against Nathan's shoulder "Do you think one of us is sick?"

"No we will be fine" Nathan stroke through soft blond hair.

"You have to call Dan and tell him to get examined"

"I call him tomorrow morning" it was strange to see his brother worry about Dan.

"Okay" Lucas closed his eyes for a moment. He could still hear his mother's frightened voice; see the look on her face. He opened his eyes to break the flood of images.

Nathan nursed his beer "I'm scared" he offered his brother a way to confess his feelings without feeling weak.

"Me too" that was not the answer Nathan hoped for "I don't know what to do without basketball. You're bright, you'll get a stipendium without sport but I need basketball"

"You're not dumb" Lucas frowned "You'll go to Dukes with or without basketball. Dan will make sure of it"

"I don't want to lose basketball" Nathan repeated "I want to go to Dukes because I'm good at basketball"

"I don't want to quit either. I might be bright but I like to play" Lucas felt as if Nathan meant he had less right to play than himself.

"We will continue playing together. None of us will quit" Nathan back paddled; he realized that he must have sounded deprecating.

"Yeah" Lucas wasn't so sure, he had a bad feeling.

"Let's go to bed" Nathan took the bottle from his brother's hand and placed it on the table. He took Lucas's hand and led him to the bedroom before he collected his duffle bag which still stood next to the front door.

"Are you sure I can sleep here?" the blond thought it was a bad idea to share a bed. It was possible that they would cross the last line tonight and from there on it gave no going back.

"Yes" Nathan tilted his head and studied his brother. Something troubled him and it had nothing to do with Keith "You can use the bathroom first"

"Thank you" he collected his things and locked the door behind him.

After he brushed his teeth and changed into his pajama trouser and an under shirt he sneaked back into the bedroom. Nathan lay on top of the blanket, his eyes closed.

Lucas put his things away and slipped into the bed. Nathan sighed "My turn now" he opened his eyes and went to the bathroom.

The blond crawled under the blanket and listened to the sounds Nathan made. He imagined how the muscles in his arm moved while he brushed his teeth and how his soft skin glowed in the light while he changed his clothes. He knew how exquisite his brother's body looked. It wasn't possible to look away when Nathan went into the shower after practice. He loved the way the water dripped down his abs when he steps out of the shower. One towel hung loosely around his waist, and he always his dripping hair sent more glittering droplets down his soft skin. Lucas got aroused and tried to think about something else to get a grip on his arousal before Nathan came back.

Lucas had his arousal halfway under control as Nathan entered the bedroom only clad in boxer shorts. Damn it, Lucas thought.

Nathan crawled into bed and snuggled closer to his brother. He was scared but aroused, it was a strange combination. The brunette was sure he wanted to connect with his brother before their world could break apart and Lucas looked like he needed distraction.

He pulled the blond closer and placed a kiss on his forehead "I love you"

"I love you too more than I could ever say" Lucas whispered. Nathan tightened his embrace "Can we have this night?"

Lucas tilted his head to look at him "What is it that you want?" he had to make sure his brother wanted the same.

"I want us to bond tonight. May heaven and hell ally against us, might the world break in two I want you and only you. Now and forever" the brunette stroked his brother's cheek.

Lucas laughed "I marry a poet" Nathan frowned and thought about what he said. He chuckled, it wasn't his intention to rhyme and it really had a proposal touch "It's better not to get used to it"

"It was a mistake, was it?" the blonde grinned at him as he realized Nathan didn't plan his little speech.

"Yeah" the brunette sighed.

"I like that" Lucas gave in to the urge to kiss his brother and was ready to overstep the last line.

Nathan kissed back and ran his hands over his brother's back. He rolled around with Lucas in his arms so he lay on top of him. The night was Lucas's, he decided. He was happy when Lucas was happy.

Lucas moaned as Nathan started to suck on his neck, he wandered over his hardening nipples down his lithe body and traced the lines of his flexing muscles with his tongue. Lucas gasped as Nathan reached his erection "Nathan" he panted.

Lucas sweet voice stroked his heart and soul "Lucas" he looked up to watch his brother's lust and love filled eyes. He spread the blonds' legs wider and settled down between then. He slid his hands from his waist upwards to his face. He hovered over his older brother for a little while to get a better look on his face before he kissed him. The kiss was filled with all his love, fear and insecurities.

"What's with you?" Lucas asked as Nathan opened the nightstand to get the lube. It wasn't right that his little brother did all the work.

"I'm fine" Nathan kissed Lucas again "I like it to touch you, to taste your skin" he licked his neck. Lucas flushed even more; he liked it too, very much.

"Are you ready?" Nathan studied his brother, something was wrong but he thought it was Keith's heart attack what troubled him.

Lucas smiled and nodded, he was ready and would treasure their first time "Tell me when you want me to stop. We do nothing you're not ready for" Nathan's worries touched his heart; tears escaped his eyes as he cupped the brunette's cheek and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

Nathan wiped the tears away with his thumbs "Relax" he started to prepare his brother and then himself "Ready?" Lucas nodded. The blond gasped at the warm sensation as his brother filled him. Nathan lay his hand on Lucas's abdomen "Try to relax" he smiled encouragingly.

Lucas took a deep breath and did as he was told. He forced himself to calm down in spite of his emotions and fears. Now was not the time to think about tomorrow it was time to treasure the here and now.

Nathan waited for him to relax before he made his first thrust. Lucas moaned and relaxed even more with every thrust.

Lucas tried to banish his emotion but he couldn't help it, he slung his arms around Nathan's neck. Nathan noticed his brother's emotional distress; he knew it wasn't the sex that scared him. He pushed an arm between Lucas and the mattress. The brunette stopped his movements and lifted his brother up so he sat in his lap and put his arms around his middle. Lucas was surprised by the sudden movement but he was thankful for the new position. He continued to cling to his brother's neck. Nathan continued to move inside of him. Lucas stared in his brothers darkened eyes. It felt good, he felt treasured and loved like never before.

They were both close and Nathan pushed himself harder into his brother until Nathan came only seconds before his brother. He pressed his brother against his chest as came, after the white spots stopped dancing in front of his eyes he watched the aftermath of Lucas's orgasm. The blond pulled himself closer to his brother, his head tilted back and eyes squeezed shout. He looked as if he wanted to scream, to cry even more. It broke Nathan's heart and he realized that a warm liquid ran down his face and he was crying himself.

The brunette realized that this could be their only time together; it could be the beginning of a relationship full of tragedies. If he or Lucas were actually ill, what would it mean for them? How would it end? With a life without sport? He could live with it. With keeping an eye on his brother and protect him for the rest of their life? That was his plan with or without sickness. With the funeral of his lover? No, that was something he couldn't live with. He buried his face in the crook of his lover's neck and breathed in his lovely scent.

They spent some time in each other's embrace before they decided to take a shower. They never stopped touching one another. They held hands, kept close while they washed themselves, never loosing contact while they gently toweled one another dry.

Back in bed they stayed as close as possible. Lucas's arm lay around Nathan's abdomen while Nathan held him close to his chest. Nathan watched his sleeping brother and stroked his cheek; he gently traced his thumb over the cheekbone. Lucas carried a loving smile on his face while he touched him even though he was asleep. Nathan forced himself to stop thinking and after a long time he fell asleep.

"Good morning love. Time to get up" Nathan turned the alarm clock of and kissed his lover's forehead.

"'morning" the blond mumbled into the pillow.

"I call Dan and you get ready, okay?" the brunette grabbed his mobile phone.

Lucas nodded and got up. He was tired but satisfied. Last night was absolutely mind blowing. He had no doubt that he loved his brother but the last night showed him how much he really loved him. The blond loved him so much it hurt and came to the conclusion that he would never love someone else.

After he finished his task Lucas stepped into the living room and listened to Nathan's conversation with Dan "Yes, I'm not sick don't worry. I know they have to run tests first but believe me I know that I'm not sick. Yeah I can play. Yes, Yes. I'll call again when I have the result. Bye"

"Seems it went well" the blond said sarcastically.

"Yeah" Nathan sighed "Dan is Dan"

"You should get ready or we're running late" Lucas laid his hands on his lover's shoulder and worked the knots out of his muscle.

"When you continue we'll never make it on time" Nathan purred.

Lucas stopped and slapped his brother's back instead "Get ready" he ordered.

"Yes sir, big brother sir" Nathan almost saluted and kissed the tip of his brother's nose before he went into the bath room.

Lucas watched him leave and slumped onto the couch after his brother vanished into the next room "That will be a long day"

They were on time for their appointment and after many tests the doctors send them home.

"I thought they tell us directly if something is wrong" Nathan nagged, he hated to wait.

"Me too" Lucas sighed; now he had more time to get over his worries and accept the fact that his life would change very soon.

"I feel good" Nathan patted his own chest "I think we would now when something is wrong, don't you think?"

"Yes we would know" he answered, he was back to his normal manner. He couldn't tell him the truth. He wasn't ready.

"Let us go to school, we are already late. I don't want give them the opportunity to scold me for not coming to school after the appointment"

"That's true" Lucas brushed his hand against Nathan's "but you know we could stay at home?"

"What?" Nathan frowned "No one will ask questions after what happened to Uncle Keith" the blond wasn't ready for school.

"I haven't thought of that" the brunette tilted his head.

"I would like to visit Keith and spent some time with you today" Lucas said nonchalantly.

"I think school gets our minds off of the events" Nathan looked at his brother "maybe we should go and then we visit Keith. Do you want to go to the cinema today? It will distract you and we can make new plans for Saturday without Haley"

Her name cut through his heart, he was dating his brother behind her back. She still believed she had a chance "I have to tell her"

"What?" Nathan almost yelled "You can't tell her you're fucking your own brother" he whispered.

"Payton and Haley know I love you and… Payton already knows" Lucas confessed, it was hard to hide something from her.

"They do?" the brunette asked confused, he couldn't believe his brother spread the news without to ask him and how could he tell someone what they did? "How can you tell them? Don't you know how dangerous this can be?"

"They know for months" Lucas gaze hardened "We talked about secret crushes and after many, many question they guessed. Okay, Payton guessed and after the first time we kissed Payton looked right through me. That's why she gave you the thumbs up"

"Oh" he calmed down "They are okay with 'us'?"

"Yes" Lucas nodded "but it will break Haley's heart"

"Wait a moment" Nathan grabbed Lucas's upper arm "She knows but tries to woo me?"

"She loves you very much and it's not normal for brothers to get so close. She thinks she has chances because I do not count"

"You let her?" Nathan understood the pained expression Lucas's wore they day he asked Nathan to spend time with Haley "How could you do that? It must have hurt"

"It hurts very much to see her wooing you but she is my friend. I thought you're straight.

I wanted both of you to be happy even if it means that you find your happiness in each other's arms"

"You're a good guy" Nathan smiled at him "but let us wait a little longer. Let us start our life together first and I try to let her down gently"

"Okay" Lucas could live with the plan.

"Come on" the brunette let go of his arm, the blond missed the warmth of the touch.


	6. Waiting

School was terribly boring, he had hoped Nathan was right and school would be a distraction but he still had too much time to think.

The sighed as the bell rang, it was lunchtime. He packed his things and strolled into the canteen.

"We are here" Payton waved, Nathan wasn't with them.

"You were bored too" the girl stated "Yes" the blond answered.

"You look terribly bored" she chuckled, Lucas frowned he thought news about Keith had already spread like a wildfire.

"What happened?" Haley asked, the blond was more than bored.

"Keith is sick" he whispered he didn't want the team to know.

"Oh" Payton laid her hand on top of his hand "Is it bad?"

"He has heartsickness" Lucas tried to keep his emotions in check. There were things he wouldn't tell Payton and Haley.

Haley put a hand in front of her mouth and looked shocked. Payton squeezed his hand and tried to analyze him "He's fine. He has to stay in the hospital for a few days"

"Why are you at school and not with him?" Haley asked.

"Nathan thought school would be a distraction but he was wrong" Lucas grumbled.

"Bored too? Huh" Nathan appeared behind him and bowed down until his elbows rested on his brother's shoulders.

"Yeah" Lucas enjoyed the touch and the attention he got from his brother in public. Nathan was creative when he wanted to show his attention.

"Are you not hungry?" the brunette stared at Lucas's sandwich "No you can eat it" Lucas gave it to him. Nathan pulled it in two and reached the bigger half back to Lucas "Eat" he ordered "at least half of it" the brunette bit into his half.

Lucas obeyed there was no chance for him to win against Nathan. The girls chuckled; it was nice to see them act like brothers. Nathan ruffled Lucas's hair after he ate his sandwich "Good boy. I have to go Skills wants to meet me" he felt how Lucas stiffened.

"See you later" Lucas said and hoped Nathan didn't notice his nervousness.

Nathan patted his shoulder and his hand lingered on him longer than necessary before he went to the other table. He did notice, Lucas sighed inwardly.

"You guys get along pretty fast" Haley wondered "You see once you gave him a chanced he proofed himself worthy"

"Yeah" he loved Nathan and he trusted him but not with all of his heart. Something stirred in him when he talked with Skills. They glanced at him they whispered and seldom talked when he was around. Something was not right and he felt guilty for doubting his brother but he couldn't help it.

"I was right you should listen more often to me" Haley smiled, she was proud that she didn't misjudge the man she adored most.

"Maybe I should" Lucas wasn't in the mood to listen how she worshipped his brother.

"Are you okay?" Payton worried.

"I'm fine, only tired that's all" she believed him.

"When you need someone to talk …." She stopped midsentence as Lucas nodded. He knew he could talk to her whenever he needed to. She nodded back.

"So what do you planned for today?" Haley asked the mood was depressing.

"I have an appointment. I hate dentists" Payton shuddered.

"I visit Keith after school" Lucas wasn't sure how to face his uncle. He did so much for him and Lucas was thankful but he felt guilty for his wish to have Dan in his life as his dad.

"Do you know what Nathan planned?" she asked hopeful.

"He accompanies me" Lucas felt the urge to kick her leg under the table.

"Oh" she was disappointed "Haley, Keith is his uncle too"

"I know but I though, you know the Scott family isn't really close and …" she shrugged.

"I asked him to come" he couldn't destroy her illusion of Nathan.

"And after the hospital?" she tried again. Payton groaned.

"I stay with him for a while. He promised my mother to take care of me until Keith's better"

"It's a reason but not an obstacle" she beamed and left, humming a pop song.

"Was she always so stupid?" Payton raised a brow "She has it bad for him" Lucas grinned.

"I'm happy you were faster than her" Payton winked.

"Me too" he sighed "Me too"

Nathan talked with Skills and was surprised how nerve-wrecking his friend could be. His first priority was still the bet and he wanted to know how far he was ready to go.

"What do you mean with, how far?" Nathan frowned "Sounds like you want to kill him"

Skills remained silent "Skills" Nathan warned.

"I don't want to kill him but he could hide at home, move away or … attempt suicide" he said it so nonchalantly that Nathan thought he gone nuts.

"Don't you dare to hurt him" they stood face to face "he will not die do you understand?"

"You have a soft spot for him" Skills grinned "he twisted you around his little finger"

"I want him to leave the team and my life but I don't want to kill him" he raged "that's not okay and you know that"

"What do you think how mobbing ends?" Skills stared at him "Have you not listened today"

Skills was right because of the school shooting they added mobbing prevention to the curriculum. Skills had no intention to kill the Roe boy, he actually liked him but he stood between him and Payton. He fell in love with her but she never left the blonds' side.

He wasn't sure if they were a couple or not but it hurt him. He was good at hiding his feelings for her. No one knew. And in addition to his unrequited love, it pissed him off that the blond spread so much trouble inside of the team. Roe might be a good guy but he wanted his old life back.

Nathan hadn't realized how their behavior could have affected Lucas. He said no one could ever break him but what if they went too far one day?

This had to stop "The game we're playing is too dangerous"

"Not when we're clever"

"Clever, huh?" Nathan didn't like it.

"We changed our tactic so you should work faster on your plan or we will win" they couldn't win. He would never let Lucas go.

"How am I supposed to win when you're so perfidious" Nathan sighed he had to play along or Lucas was lost.

"You have to be more perfidious" Skills smiled, he though Nathan was still playing their game.

"I'll try. See ya" he forced a smile on his face. He made himself sick. Nathan couldn't believe that he was one of them, that he wasn't better than them. He was the one who started this war against his brother but he changed Lucas made him a better person.

"Hey Nathan" he rolled his eyes, oh no, not that!, he thought "Hi Haley. What can I do for you?"

"Would you like to go out with me tonight?" she beamed at him.

"Sorry I have plans" he thought about a way to tell her no once and for all.

"Lucas told me he stays with you for a while but that doesn't mean we can't meet right?"

"Haley" he started "listen. I'm sorry but I'm not interested in you that way. I like you but I don't love you"

He could see her heart break "But you can learn to love me" she rushed "we can go out and I show you how lovable I can be. Maybe you don't know it yet; I mean that you love me"

"Haley, no" he wasn't sorry, she hurt Lucas badly but it wasn't easy either "I love someone else. I know the warm and almost painful feeling of love and I don't feel this way about you. I want someone else in my arms, I want to wake up next to the person for the rest of my life, I want to love and treasure the person…" he stopped before he could accidently say 'him'.

"You are in love with someone else" she repeated "with whom? Who snatched your heart away?"

"I'll not tell you. You are hurt and angry but I don't want you to vent your frustration against the person I love most" Tears spilled from her eyes and she ran before she would say something stupid. She wouldn't give up she couldn't it hurt too much to do so.

Nathan went back to the classroom; he felt drained and hoped the time would go by faster than just now.

After school they visited Keith and Lucas's mom. Nathan felt like an intruder but Lucas needed him. The brunette realized that Keith really was his brother's father. Not biologically but from heart and he was thankful for this. After the shock of seeing him there Keith welcomed him with open arms. They laughed and bantered like a family should before Keith was too tired to keep his eyes open. Lucas and Karen talked for a little while and Nathan used the chance to step closer to Keith.

"Thank you for taking care of him Uncle Keith" Nathan thanked while he stroked a stray hair out of his uncle's face.

Nathan was surprised as the older man opened his eyes and watched him thoroughly. With a slight smiled he took Nathan's hand and held it for a while before he drifted back to sleep. Both remained silent during the time.

It was nice to feel affection from Keith; he wished his father would do this too. It seemed Lucas life wasn't so sad after all. Nathan returned his attention to his brother. Lucas seldom talked about himself or about what he felt. He talked about Haley, Payton, school and his plans for the next days but never gave important information away. Most of the time he listened to his mother; gently holding her hand, nodding from time to time.

"You boys should go home" Karen said after a while. She looked tired "I come home in two days, okay?"

"It's okay" Lucas smiled at her "He stays with me until you're back" Nathan interfered. Lucas was not happy and he was sure he did not want to stay alone.

"I owe you one" she smiled at Nathan "No you don't. He's my brother" she nodded. It was nice to see the boys not fight.

"Bye mom" the blond kissed her cheek.

They walked to the cinema "I talked to Haley today" Nathan wanted to find a different topic. Lucas was sad enough so he wouldn't talk about Keith and his meaning in Lucas's life.

"What did she say?" he looked at his little brother "She's pissed but I think she'll calm down"

"What did you say?" Lucas was interested in his answer.

"The truth. I don't love her and I gave my heart to someone else" he smiled at Lucas.

"You told her you love me?" Lucas frowned.

"I told her I love someone. I haven't told her who stole my heart" he rested his hand over the small of his back.

"I'm a dead man when she hears the truth" it wasn't a joke. He saw her raging at school and now he knew why she was so angry. She ignored him and Payton the rest of the day. Haley sent daggers at everyone who made the mistake and looked at her.

Pain shot through Nathan's body at the word dead. He remembered his talk with Skills and the view of Keith in the hospital bed hunted him "I don't want you to think that way"

"Nathan?" Lucas sensed his distress.

"I don't want to lose you" the brunette confessed "I want you to stay by my side"

Lucas gave him a gentle smile "I will not leave as long as you want me"

"I will never ask you to leave. I can't picture my life without you"

"I promise I'll never leave you" he lent slightly backwards to press his back closer to Nathan's warm hand.

"Good" Nathan gave him a quick kiss on the temple as no one was looking their way.

"We should buy tickets the film starts in thirty minutes" Lucas looked at his watch "Come" he dragged Nathan with him, laughing, worries and fears forgotten.

They got seats in the last row; they were the only people in that row. After the light went off and the movie started, Nathan took his brother's hand and pressed his leg against his. They stayed close and held hands until the movie ended. It was the best date they ever had. It was their first real date. Lucas pilfered popcorn from Nathan and the brunette snarfed M&M's from the blond. They talked about spectacular action scenes and laughed at the jokes.

"The movie was great" Nathan sat down on his couch "The date was great" Lucas grinned and settled down next to him.

"Great? It was indescribable" he pulled Lucas into a breathtaking kiss "The best date I ever had"

"Love is nice" Lucas initiated a second kiss "Are you hungry? I can prepare something for supper"

"You can cook?" Nathan mocked "I work for my mom and I often had to cook for myself when I was younger" there was no trace of regret in his brother's voice.

"Yes,please. Cook for me" Nathan folded his hands and made puppy-eyes. It was so theatrical he couldn't suppress a chuckle.

"I love to cook for you my dear" Lucas batted his eyelashes "But I don't wear an apron" he added.

"Ohh, you break my heart. All the dreams of a naked blond in an apron"

"What about a naked brunette in an apron?" Lucas smirked.

"Better not. I like my kitchen and a fire would blow my insurance due" he chuckled.

Lucas laughed while he looked into the refrigerator. It was empty apart from a carton of milk, paprika and butter. He looked through the kitchen cabinets, rice, spices.

Lucas thought about it and decided to make curry rice with paprika.

"We have to buy groceries tomorrow" he said as Nathan entered the kitchen.

The brunette scratched his head "I can't cook even when my live depends on it so I order it most of the time" he tried to explain.

"I don't complain" the blond studied his brother "but I thought I could cook more often so you get real food. Tones of fast food can't be healthy"

Lucas care made him smile "Thank you" he slung his arms around the blond from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder "What are you cooking?"

"Curry rice with paprika" he put the cooked rice into a pan and poured milk over it before he put lots of curry into the mix. Nathan snatched one piece of the fried paprika before Lucas put them into the pan. Two minutes later the meal was ready "Could you set the table?" the blond searched for something to drink and found a bottle of soda. He took two glasses and placed them on the table while Nathan searched for candles.

The brunette lit two candles before he joined his lover "It's more romantic this way" he smiled. The gleam in Lucas eyes made his day.

They ate in silence, it was comfortable to remain silent and watch each other. Nathan never felt this way before. He began to understand why people say that love is the most mind-blowing emotion. They were right. Love is a beautiful feeling but it was quite scary too.

The pain in his chest as he held his crying brother in his arm was more painful as the jealousy he felt. He loved him so much it hurt.

He didn't want to imagine how it must feel to lose the person you love so much. It must be like someone ripped your beating heart out of your chest while you're watching how the rhythmic and strong pound dies down until there's nothing left and you're dying with your loved one.

"The food is good" Nathan smiled after he finished "You can become a cook until you make millions with your books"

"I don't like cooking much" the blond sipped on his soda, Nathan looked confused "I only cook for people I like. I don't know it's not fun when I cook for strangers"

"It's important to you to make people happy" the brown-haired stated.

"Yes" was the casual answer "but I can't say you why. I don't know"

Nathan had an idea why but didn't push him "I like that but let me make you happy for a change, okay?"

"I'd love to" the blond gave him a genuine smile.

"Stop" he slapped Lucas's hand "You cooked I wash the dishes"

"Let me dry them at least" Lucas didn't like to do watch while he worked.

"I didn't help you either"

"I know" Lucas looked at him "but you cuddled me"

"Okay, you can cuddle me while I clean the kitchen" Nathan almost laughed at Lucas's expression.

Lucas stood next to Nathan while he washed the dishes, hips and shoulders touching. Lucas took the towel and stretched out his hand. Nathan paused before he gave in. He gave him the plate. They stood there, working in silence like it was normal to live together. They only live together for two days but they already developed a comfy routine.

"I'm not tired, what do you think about watching a DVD?" Nathan put the last kitchenware away.

"Okay" Lucas felt strange, he knew the outcome of the test but he was still scared.

"Great" the brunette smiled, Lucas mood didn't go unnoticed "I'll change into something more comfortable and you can decide on a DVD"

Lucas nodded and went into the living room. He looked through the DVD shelf "What kind of movie do you want to see?" he whispered to himself.

"I said it's your decision" strong arms wrapped around him "Don't think about me"

"But we want to watch it together, it's no fun when you're bored" Lucas pouted.

Nathan noticed he was pushing too hard "Let's see. Alexander?" Lucas looked like someone who appreciated history.

"I like the movie but it's so sad that they couldn't be together. I don't want to think about this at the moment" he laid his hands on top of Nathan's.

"You like it?" Nathan kissed his temple "Many people say it's a boring movie" he tried to start a discussion to get his brother's mind off the unhappy ending of the movie.

"It's not like Gladiator or Troy but I like to look behind the mask people wear. I like to figure out what they think and feel"

"I never saw it that way" the brunette tilted his head "What about The prophecy or Event horizon" no tragic love.

"I like them" Lucas wasn't sure which one he liked best "I don't know what I prefer they're different"

"I have an idea" Nathan took the Event horizon DVD "We watch this one and on Saturday we stay at home, buy some beer and chips, and watch the Prophecy trilogy"

"I like that" Lucas turned around in Nathan's embrace until they faced each other. The blond kissed his lover "I like angels. You are my Angel" his hand ghosted over Nathan's cheek.

"Which one?" Nathan grinned, Lucas surprised him.

"Nathanael. Gift of god, angel of fire" Lucas replied after he thought about it.

Nathan stared at Lucas, his brother never stopped to surprise him. He didn't think Lucas was someone who knew so much over angels "Angel of fire" he breathed before he kissed the blond.

"You're hot blooded and full of determination" Lucas said between kisses "I have to be careful or I get burned" he smiled lovingly. He hoped Nathan would never let him burn in the hell fire of his wrath. The blond had any intention to lead a happy life with his brother.

"I'll burn everyone to ashes who dares to hurt you but I'll never hurt you intentionally"

"Good" the blond slipped out of the embrace and settled down on the couch. He felt drained and was thankful Nathan didn't wonder why he had to sit.

He put in the DVD and settled down next to Lucas. They snuggled closer together. Nathan's arm was slung around the blonds' shoulder. Lucas head rested on Nathan's chest and his arm hung loosely around the brunette's middle.

"You're cold" Nathan felt Lucas's cold hand. He was surprised because it wasn't cold in the living room. He took the comforter which lie next to the couch and put it around Lucas "Thank you" Lucas smiled. "You're welcome" Nathan stroked through his brother's blond hair. His thumb, gently, rubbing the blonds' temple during the movie.

Lucas fell asleep ten minutes before the movie ended, Nathan entangled himself from his brother without to wake him and turned off the TV. With one swift movement he lifted Lucas up and carried him to bed. Nathan was shocked how light his brother was and what worried him even more was the fact that he did not notice that he was carried.

The brunette put him down and tucked him in

_~ He looks so peaceful when he's asleep. No lines of worry or hidden pain._

_What's wrong with you big brother? Have the events finally taken their toll on you? _

_I never met someone like you. I thought humans were egoists by nature but you proved me wrong. Your gentle soul is shining so bright but no one sees._

_But I learned to see it, I learned to read you. There is so much more I have to learn about you but we have time and I give you all the time you need to open up completely._

_Sweet dreams my love ~_

The brunette placed a kiss on Lucas's forehead before he lay down next to him.

Lucas opened his eyes, he felt a lot better. He blinked slightly disorientated. He couldn't remember going to bed last night. He remembered the movie and Nathan's soothing touches.

Nathan must have carried him to bed, he blushed at that thought. He could feel Nathan's arm around his waist; the brunette's warm breath tickled his neck. Lucas took the large, warm hand into his own. The blond tried to get a look at the clock; it was 5:34 a.m. so he had one hour left to enjoy his lover's embrace.

Nathan groaned as the alarm-clock beeped, half asleep he groped for the snooze button.

He felt a movement next to him "Good morning" Lucas said.

"How long are you awake?" the brunette frowned, Lucas sounded too awake for being woken by the alarm

Lucas looked at the clock "57 minutes"

"You don't have to stay in bed, shove me away when I'm too clingy" Nathan rubbed his eyes.

"I liked it" Lucas placed his hand above Nathan's heart "I like the clingy you"

Nathan laughed "Time to get up. You take a shower and I fix something for breakfast"

"Bossy now" Lucas sighed in a played annoyed tone "Confess! You like me that way" the brunette propped up on his elbow and hover slightly over Lucas.

"Actually, I do" the blond grinned. He gave Nathan a quick kiss before he headed for the shower. Nathan shook his head and entangled himself from the sheets.

School wasn't as boring as the days before. Nathan paid more attention to the mobbing prevention lectures. He wanted to know how the school shooting and the harassing were possibly affecting his brother. What he learned was cruel. In a strangely distorted way he began to understand why Jimmy did what he did. It was still not right, it gave no exculpation for killing but somehow the act was not so unintelligible anymore.

He was on his way to the canteen as his mobile phone rang "Hello?"

"Nathan Scott?"

"Yes" the voice reminded him of someone.

"I'm Doctor Miller we met during the HMC tests"

"Did you get the test results?" he knew he heard the voice before.

"Yes. The reports available to me say you're a healthy young man"

Nathan let out the breath he was holding "That's great" the brunette felt relieved.

"Have a nice day young man" the doctor was ready to hang up.

"And my brother?" Nathan wasn't sure why he asked.

"I'm not allowed to give you any information. But I informed him about the results. Have a nice day" he hung up.

Nathan knew he wasn't allowed to talk about his brother's condition but the tone in the doctor's voice worried him. He ran to the canteen and searched for his lover.

Lucas sat together with Payton and Haley "Hey" he pulled a fourth chair to the table "How are you?" he hoped Lucas understood the underlying question.

"I'm fine" Lucas forced himself to smile. Nathan beamed and he knew his brother's test was negative. That confirmed his suspicion. The doctor told Nathan the result over the phone but he had to show up in person to get the result.

"Good" Lucas noticed how relieved his brother looked at his answer "It's a nice day isn't it?"

"Yes it is" Haley said, she didn't try to flirt with him but she was waiting for a chance.

"So what have you planned today?" Payton asked, she was happy Nathan took care of him but she missed to hang out with Lucas.

"I have an appointment this afternoon. This time it's my turn to visit the dentist" Lucas lied. Everyone believed him even Nathan.

"Payton and I want to shop for clothes. Do you want to join us?" Haley asked hopefully.

Nathan thought about the invitation, he needed a few clothes himself and he owed her some attention after he crashed her heart. It was a good chance to get to know Lucas's friends better.

"Okay" he smiled and hoped Lucas was okay with it. Lucas gave him a confirming nod.


	7. What now?

Lucas stood in front of the hospital; he didn't dare to go in. His appointment was in ten minutes. He had ten minutes left before the doctor would tell him the news. He took a few deep breaths and entered. Now or never, he thought.

"Hello young man, please come with me" a friendly elderly nurse smiled at him encouragingly.

She led him down the corridor into a small office "Dr. Miller will be there soon"

"Thank you ma'am" Lucas smiled at her, but wasn't able to banish the worry out of his tone.

She pressed her lips together and gave him a sad little smile; it wasn't easy for her to accept that children got sick. Lucas wasn't a child but still too young to be sick. She left.

Lucas looked around the office. Many medicine books, a small window, pictures of Dr. Miller's family.

"Hello young man" the doctor entered "Hello doctor Miller" he tried to suppress his panic.

The doctor sat down on his chair and studied Lucas thoroughly "You're HMC test is positive" better direct than beat around the bush. He was surprised by Lucas reaction or rather the lack of it.

"What does it mean for me?" Lucas kept his strong façade upright. On the inside he was scared to death. He wished Nathan were here to hold his hand, saying it will be alright. The blond guessed he was sick but to hear it from the doctor was a lot harder than he thought.

He was even more scared and uncertain than before because the tiny voice of hope in his head which assured him he came to the wrong conclusion was silent and would never whisper to him again.

"You should avoid strenuous activities like competitive sport and large amounts of stress. You will have to take a medication for the rest of your life. It helps your heart to work normally. Any question?"

"No sir, I looked it up when my brother wasn't looking" too much information Lucas winced.

"He doesn't know you're here? Do your parents know?" Miller frowned.

"No sir" Lucas said nonchalantly "They don't have to know, at least for a while" the doctor nodded.

"I take the liberty of asking you a private question" Lucas nodded at him "Why are you not surprised? Your uncle did not know he was sick and that means you did not know either. None of you suspected a sickness runs in the family"

"I don't feel well since … a few months. I thought it was a symptom of stress but after my Uncle's heart attack I knew it was not the stress that made me sick"

"Why didn't you come to the hospital after your symptoms started?"

"I thought it was the pressure people put me through and maybe I was too scared to think about other reasons" Lucas façade started to falter.

The doctor understood Lucas's way of thinking. Most of his patients protected themselves with denial "Do you need psychological help? I can get you an appointment"

"No sir. I don't like to talk to stranger" Lucas swallowed the lump which formed in his throat.

"Think about it. You know where to find me should you change your mind" the doctor smiled.

"Thank you" Lucas smiled politely "Can I go now?" he needed to get out of there before he started to crumble.

"I'll explain how to handle the medication and then you're free to leave" the boy worried him.

Thirty minutes later he left the office and ran straight into his mother on his way out.

"Lucas, are you here for the results?" she looked so worried he couldn't tell her. It would break her heart. Her hand shook slightly.

"I'm not sick mom" he beamed at her, her worries faded in an instant "I'm so relieved" he pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back. Her hug was so warm and loving. He wanted to cry but he couldn't. He hadn't the heart to destroy the illusion she so obviously needed.

"Mom, I can't breathe" he chuckled; his mother clung to him for dear life. He patted her back after she released him of her arms "I have to go. Say Uncle Keith I said hello" he smiled.

"Sure" she rubbed her eyes; they were slightly red he noticed. She must have been sick of worry for him and Keith. He kissed her cheek before he left.

"Lucas" she called after him "How's Nathan?"

"He's fine" Lucas faked a smile again "His heart is strong and healthy" he could the honest relieve on his mother's face.

Lucas went out of the hospital and headed for a nearby park. The park was empty and he collapsed on a bench. He breathed heavily, his eyes stung but he was too stubborn to let his tears fall.

_~ It's over, it's over. What do I do now?_

_I can't quit basketball; they'll suspect it when I stop yet._

_I have to continue, I was able to play until now and I'm able to play for a while longer._

_What will Nathan think when he knows the truth? Will he leave me because I'm nothing worth anymore? Will he pity me?_

_I love him so much, I don't want to lose him, I don't want to leave him ~_

The thoughts rushed through his mind. He let himself go and allowed the tears to fall. Lucas hugged himself and rocked back and forth. It was all too much, he wanted to scream, to rage but he couldn't.

He spent half an hour on the bench until he calmed down. He had to let go of his emotion or he would squeal himself. It was not the time for them to know.

The blond rubbed his eyes and stared at the sky "I have to calm down before I can go home" he told the sky.

"Nathan, do you think the dress suits me?" Haley held up a short red dress.

"Try it on" it was easier to answer the question when she was wearing it.

"She'll never give up" Payton sighed as Haley vanished into the dressing room.

"She needs time" Nathan looked at the shirt Payton held in her hands "I think the color doesn't suits you" it was bright red "Try something more decent"

She grinned at him "Haley asked me to hold it for a second but that was before she spied the sexy dress and decided to make you hot"

"There is only one person who gets me hot" he blushed as he realized what he said.

"He is hot isn't he?" she smiled "he is a lot happier since you got together. You're good for him"

"He is good for me" Nathan smiled lovingly "He is such a nice guy. I didn't know people like him exist. He's making me a better person"

"I can see it" she looked at him "You're a nice person when you're not mean"

Nathan scratched his head, a nervous habit, "I feel better this way"

"Hate was never the answer. Hate corrupts everyone" she seemed lost in thoughts.

Nathan wanted to ask if she was alright as she continued to speak "Do me a favor. Don't hurt him. I'll break every bone in your body should you ever hurt him" she was dead serious.

"I have no intention to hurt him" Nathan was as serious as she was "I love him and I treasure his existence in my life"

She nodded approvingly; she liked the seriousness in Nathan's tone "I…"

"How do I look?" Haley interrupted with a beaming smile on her face. She studied herself in the mirror and decided the dress was perfect to seduce the brunette. He said he didn't love her but sex is sex, men are so easy to seduce this way. He would cheat on his lover or realize that she was better than the one he adored and then he would stay. He never saw him with a girl so she hoped he looked at her from afar but even when he was in a relationship, it wouldn't stop her. She had dreams about him, a marriage, children and a happy life.

"I think it's too short" Nathan looked wiggled his finger to signalize for her to turn around "You can't even bend down. What do you think about this?" he took a black dress with white seams. It was longer and not as tight as the one she wore. It didn't look so slutty.

She frowned, what the hell was that? A guy telling her the dress was too _short. _She took the dress with a smile and went back to the changing room. What does he think I am? A nun? She thought frustrated.

Payton laughed "You shattered her world right now. A guy telling her the dress is too short and giving her a plain summer dress" she wiped a tear away "Great" she gasped.

Nathan grinned now that he thought about it, it was funny. He wasn't interested in her so he didn't pay attention to her curves and legs. The only thing he noticed was that she looked cheap and Lucas friends were more worth than that. The red dress might be hot but the black one suited her better "That's the prove that there is no sexual attraction between us"

"She is terribly attracted" Payton calmed down "but I'm relieved you don't jump her bones"

"I surprised myself. There was a time I might have but after I got to know him… "

"You fell for him real hard" she studied him "It must be nice to love so purely"

"It scares me" that surprised her. She didn't expect that he opened up to her but on the other hand there was no one else he could talk to about Lucas and him "Why?"

"It hurts to love him" the brunette looked at the ground "I held him in my arms a few nights ago. He was sad and it hurt. I can't explain why I feel this way but his sadness tore at my heart. You know what happened to Keith?" she nodded.

"I thought about us and tried to imagine our future. Suddenly I imagined the possibility of losing him and I …" his voice broke.

Payton touched his arm "That is the dark side of love, Nathan. Life is cruel and we all know that and because of the knowledge we get scared. I can't tell you what the future will bring but I know, now, that you truly love him. Make sure he knows it too. I know for sure that he feels the same way. He feels so much love he doesn't even know what to do with all the emotion. I wish I would know the feeling"

"Who are you in love with?" Nathan wanted to comfort her.

"I like Skills" that surprised him "but he isn't who he used to be"

"What do you mean?" he sighed, the door of the changing room opened "Looks nice" he forced a smile on his face; he wanted to talk to Payton.

"You're right it looks better on me" she turned around. Payton smiled at her "It's different but more respectable. I'm sure the boys will like the outfit. Wait a minute" Haley smiled.

Payton looked around and found a tight jeans, a feminine blouse and two brassieres "Try this on" and take your time she added mentally.

"Thank you" she took the clothes and vanished again.

Nathan looked at her and waited for the answer "He was so nice. Always friendly and good at heart but he changed. He started to be mean. I thought it was because he was stressed or… I don't know. But he started to get more and more vicious. I still love him but I don't like him anymore. I like the old Skills and I'm sure we could fall in love as hard as you and Lucas, if we get the chance. "

"I know what you mean" Nathan frowned, she was right but when did it start? "There is still hope. I changed so he can change back to normal too. And then you can ask him out on a date" he smiled.

"He has so many girls it pisses me off but I still have hope" she smiled back "I'll get my chance. You and Lucas stopped to fight and I'm sure he does what he does because that is what people expect from him.

"That's true with me and Lucas being friends no one expects from us to continue our little war" he wasn't sure at all.

"I hope so, it hurts him" she was less and less worried about Lucas. Nathan was a good man and loved the blond with all of his heart.

"I know. I can see it now and I want to make him happy. I love his smile and the happy glow around him when I do something unexpected like hug him or let him choose the movie"

"It's heartwarming isn't it? I love it when he does that. He looks like a little child in a candy shop" she laughed.

"I want to buy him a present but I don't know what to get. Could you…?"

"Help?" she grinned "Of course. Do you have something in mind?"

"I thought of a bracelet or necklace. Clothes and books are too impersonal I want something that screams 'love'" he blushed.

He's adorable when he blushes, Payton thought "First we have to get rid of Haley or Lucas can't wear the jewelry"

"Why not?" Nathan asked dumb.

"Lucas didn't tell her about your relationship so I think he doesn't want her to know. And when he comes to school with the jewelry you bought for the one you love…" she pointed out.

"Oh, I forgot" he wanted to slap himself "He's scared of her reaction. She's unpredictable because of her love for me"

"He might be right" Payton bit her bottom lip "Give her time and we will see"

Like she sensed the end of their conversation Haley showed off her clothes "Looks great" she praised herself.

"Yeah" Nathan had enough of her "and what do you think about this?" she opened her blouse and showed him the bra. He blushed, Payton groaned "Haley behave" she chided.

"What, there is no one else around" she pouted "That's not the point" Payton had enough.

"So what's the point?" she glanced at Nathan, was he reacting to her plan?

"Nathan is in a serious relationship; you can't walk around and show off your boobs"

"It wasn't my intention to make him uncomfortable" she wanted him so much.

"It's okay" he rubbed his forehead he was developing a headache "Let's continue our shopping spree" he looked at his watch, it was time to make preparations for his plan.


	8. Truth and lies

Nathan arrived at his apartment first, he fumbled for his keys. It wasn't an easy task with all the bags in his hand.

He opened the door and sat the bags down "Where do I begin?" he talked to himself. The brunette planned a romantic evening at home celebrating their negative test results.

He decided on setting the table first, he bought take out from his favorite Chinese restaurant and hoped Lucas liked it.

Nathan bought new candles with rose fragrance and spread a few rose petals over the table.

After his work was done Nathan looked around and was satisfied with his work. He changed into his new clothes after he dimmed the light. It was a great day shopping with the girls was fun, apart from Haley's little escapades, he found a nice gift for his brother and most important of all they were healthy.

"Where are you?" it was 8:23 p.m. and Lucas wasn't back yet. He dialed the blonds' mobile phone three times but it went straight to his voice mail. Nathan paced through the living room, he was too nervous to sit still. His heart pounded in his chest

_~ What if something happened to him? Would Karen call me then?_

_I don't want to worry her. Maybe he spends his time with his family._

_Celebrating without me ~_

His thoughts turned more and more depressed. The sudden jingle of keys pulled him out of his thoughts.

Lucas opened the door and stopped in surprise before he had the chance to open the door completely because Nathan jerked the door open and pulled Lucas into a bear hug.

"Nathan?" he asked startled.

"Call when you're running late" he spoke into the blonds' neck "I was worried"

"I'm sorry" it was hard to come home to Nathan but he finally got his emotion under control "I ran into my mom and we spent some time together" not a lie not the truth, Lucas declared it as acceptable.

"Please, call next time" the brunette rubbed Lucas's back while his worries vanished.

"I promise" Lucas kissed his neck. Nathan let go of him and led him into the kitchen.

Lucas gasped as Nathan lit the candles and brought light into the dark.

"That's beautiful" he looked dumbfounded back and forth between his lover and the lovingly decorated table "Why?" he choked out, the blond was overwhelmed by Nathan's message.

"We are healthy, that's a reason to celebrate" the brunette pulled one of the chairs backward, and signaled Lucas to sit down.

Lucas felt his inner turmoil stir. He lied but made his lover happy. Lucas wasn't sure what was more cruel, the truth or to live a lie.

"Are you alright?" Nathan frowned, Lucas was a silent person but he seemed even more withdrawn.

"Yeah" the blond looked at him "I love you, you know"

"I know" Nathan placed a kiss on top of his head before he sat down on the chair in front of his brother. They started to eat, Nathan had reheated the food every fifteen minutes while he waited for Lucas return, and he had nothing better to do.

They shared the different dishes and touched as much as possible. Hands brushing against one another her, feet touching shinbone there. "Wait you have some sauce on your chin" Nathan stroked the sauce away, so gently Lucas wanted to melt in his touch. The brunette pulled away and started to clean the table, he placed his hand on Lucas's shoulder "Let me do it" it was an order. Lucas nodded.

Nathan smiled, he turned on the DVD player, he created a music CD for their date that night and continued to clean the plates. He could feel the little box in his pocket when he moved, his heart fluttered in anticipation. Nathan finished his task and opened a bottle of wine, placing two glasses in front of Lucas "Here"

"Thank you" Lucas smiled, he wasn't allowed to drink but a few sips of wine wouldn't kill him or interfere too much with his medication.

The brunette poured the wine into the glasses and returned to his chair. With a deep breath he took Lucas's hand into his own "I have something for you" he pulled the box out of his pocket, Nathan was so nervous.

"Nathan. I have nothing for you I…" Nathan put a finger over his lover's lips "It's okay love. I want to show you how much I love you. I don't expect anything in return. I told you it's my turn to make you happy" Lucas gifted him with an aura of love; the brunette could feel it float through the room, seeping in every pore of his body.

"Open it" Nathan encouraged him as Lucas stared at the box. Lucas fumbled with the box for a while before he opened it "Nathan" he looked shocked. Nathan berated himself; he guessed it could be too early to bind himself, symbolically, to Lucas.

"I can give it back" he reached for the box, Lucas frowned "No, no" the blond pressed the box to his heart "I like it but it looks so expansive. I'm not worth the trouble. It must have costs a fortune"

"I have enough saving" Nathan obviously relaxed "and you are more worth than all the money and opulence of the world"

Lucas gave him a sheepish smile before he took the necklace out of the box. It was a silver cross with a smaller golden cross in it. He turned it around and found the gravure.

'May Nathanael watch over you' plus infinity sign. Tears threatened to spill and Lucas rubbed his eyes "I don't know what to say" he watched his brother wide eyed.

"Then don't say anything, it's okay" Nathan stood up and walked around the table until he stopped behind his brother "May I?" he reached for the necklace and put it around his lover's neck. Lucas fumbled with the pendant, he seemed happy "I though it's not a good idea to gravure my name on it so I chose Nathanael. It's still me but not that obvious, and the blue on the pendant symbolize that I'm watching you, I take care of you. I'll treasure you"

"Thank you" Lucas smiled, he turned around 'till he was able to wrap his arms around his brother' waist. He leaned his head against his firm abdomen "I love you too"

Nathan grabbed Lucas's arm and pulled him up "Would you like to dance with me?"

"Yes" Lucas put his arms around Nathan's neck and Nathan slung his arms around Lucas's slim waist. They danced for an hour without noticing, they stared into each other's eyes, snuggled closer during slow songs. Simple touches and 'I love you' were enough that night.

A week passed and the boys fell more and more in love with each other. Lucas wasn't living at Nathan's place anymore and it was hard. Nathan got used to his big brother and it wasn't easy to leave him behind when he got home. Karen permitted Lucas to stay with him during the weekends.

Nathan hid a smile while he watched his brother change, he wore the necklace he gave him and never took it off. He fixated it with tape around his neck; Lucas confessed to him one night that he was afraid they would steel it. Nathan looked right through him; he needed the necklace as support. He needed the feeling of not being alone on the field.

Nathan closed his locker and strolled into the gym; Lucas followed him but remained his distance. The blond never came closer than necessary during their training. It seemed to Nathan that his brother avoided compromising him and he was thankful for it. He wasn't ready to admit to his dad or the team that he likes his brother for real. He loved Lucas but why was it so complicated to break the spell Dan put on him?

"Lucas run" Whitey yelled, the boys weren't bugging him but he was slower than normal.

Lucas took deep breaths, he could do it before and he could do it now, he told himself. He was scared that was the only reason his performance was so poor.

Lucas caught the ball and tripped over someone's foot, and landed gracefully on his knees.

"Watch were you're going" Whitey chided, the boy was beat.

"Yes sir" Lucas answered and returned to the game. Nathan kept an eye on them.

One hour and two painful encounter with the ball later the training ended. Lucas sat down on the bench while the team went into the changing room. He hoped they thought he was hiding again but the truth was he didn't feel well and had to sit down for a while.

"Boy, what's up with you" Whitey settled down next to him.

"Nothing" Lucas stared at his hands

"Don't lie to me" Whitey sighed "I know they're everything but cooperative" Lucas chuckled, that was an understatement.

"You know what happened to Keith, do you?"

"Yes, I talked with Dan about it you guys had to get tested too" he frowned, it dawned on him what Lucas tried to say "You are sick" it wasn't a question.

"I'm not feeling well for months now. I knew the test would be positive"

"How did your mother take the news?" his eyes widened at Lucas sad and guilty expression "She doesn't know?"

"She was so sad and I said I'm fine and once I said it … she was so happy" Lucas shook his head, the memory hurt.

"Does anyone know?" Lucas shook his head "You have to tell someone about it"

"I told you" Lucas looked up "I don't want the team to know. It's hard as it is I don't want to add a weakness to their list"

"It's not on me to tell anyone but you have to one day"

"I know" Lucas smiled sadly "Are you allowed to play?" Whitey asked out of nowhere as he realized that a weak heart could kill him.

"I should quit but I don't give in" Lucas said with a determined look on his face.

"But what if you die? I can't take the responsibility for that"

"I don't overexert myself and during a match … I'll sit on the bench" he wouldn't quit, not now "Give me one month or two. I need time to figure things out and yes I'll tell mom the truth"

"Good boy" he ruffled Lucas's hair "Now go home" the blond nodded and did as he was told.

Lucas got out of his shirt and changed into an undershirt before he sat down on the bed.

"Lucas?" the brunette asked "are you alright? The ball hit you pretty hard and your fall looked painful too"

"Nothing to worry about" the blond sighed "They changed the rules"

"What?" Nathan though Lucas heard about the bet "They let it look like accidents" he put a hand above his heart after he answered, he was relieved "I'm so sorry I can't protect you"

"I have to learn the new rules" Lucas looked tired "Did you hide again after training? The boys made fun of you so be careful when I'm not around, okay?"

"Okay" Lucas agreed "I talked with Whitey. He knows what's happening but is powerless" he knows everything, the blond added mentally.

"We'll find a way" Nathan settled down behind his brother and pulled him against his chest. Lucas was cold again "Geez, your hands are cold"

"Stress" he sighed deeply. Lucas enjoyed Nathan's warmth; it was soothing "Can we sleep?"

"Sure" Nathan crawled with him under the blanket and took him into his embrace.

Lucas breath evened out only seconds later "You're really tired huh?" his hand ghosted of his lover's shoulder "Sorry but I can't sleep until I checked on you"

Nathan turned on the light and pulled Lucas's shirt up. His hip was slightly red, his right knee was blue and there was red mark above his collarbone. His heart felt heavy. Lucas always had bruises and scratches, he wasn't sure if he ever saw his brother without minor cuts and bruises "I love you" he whispered into his lover's ear after he turned off the light and slid back to bed.

Lucas mumbled something in his sleep and flung an arm around the brunette's waist, head resting on his chest.

A soft whimper woke him up, he was sleepy and confused. Nathan realized that Lucas had made the sound "Wake up love" he shook him gently "Hush, it's only a nightmare" he shook him harder.

Lucas blinked sleepily "A dream?" he eyes were unfocused "Yes go back to sleep" Nathan spooned behind him and whispered soothing words. He knew Lucas was still half asleep but it seemed to work. He held him like that the whole night and watched over him.

"Nathan" Lucas tried to free himself but Nathan's grip tightened even more "Nathan" he said louder "I have to use the bathroom. Let go of me"

Nathan let go of him "You get two minutes" he mumbled. Lucas chuckled and went into the bathroom. Nathan sat on the bed as he returned "Nathan go back to sleep you're still tired"

"I gave you two minutes … you needed three. I was going to look for you"

Lucas went back to bed and pulled Nathan into his arms "Sleep well my love" he kissed his lover's temple. Nathan was asleep before he hit the pillow.

After a satisfying weekend with lots of sex and romantic evenings Lucas returned home.

It was time to face reality.

His mom was in the kitchen "Mom" he began "We have to talk"

He confessed his lie and broke her heart. She pulled him into an embrace and cried. Her baby was sick and needed her more than ever. He explained why he lied and why he decided to tell her, tears constantly running down his face.

She forgave him the lie but was disappointed that he felt obligated to lie. She understood his reasons and she understood that he was scared but she was his mother. A child should seek comfort in his mother's arms.

"It's okay, hush" she soothed "I'll take care of you. We will find a way to pay for the medication and I'll talk with the principal. He has to protect you from harm while I'm not around"

"I don't want them to know, not even Keith" Lucas sobbed, clinging to his mom.

"They don't have to know" she rubbed his back; it wasn't easy to lie to Keith but it was his choice to decide whom to tell "Your principal isn't permitted to talk about his pupil's private life. But it's important for them to know. They have to react correct and fast in case you … you…" she choke on her words.

"In case I get a heart attack" he added for her. She nodded "I agree"

"You have to quit basketball" she rubbed her eyes "I talked with Whitey. I'm allowed to play as long as I don't overexert myself and I'm not allowed to participate in matches. I don't want to quit so suddenly I want to enjoy it a little longer and I will be fine as long as I take the medication"

She didn't like it one bit but it was his wish, he wanted to say his favorite sport goodbye, and Karen respected his wish "Okay but only for few months, best you quit after a few weeks"

"Thank you mom" he buried his face in the crook of her neck. Her scent was soothing, he liked his mother's smell it reminded him of his childhood when she read to him before she tucked him in. Saying goodnight before she pressed a kiss on his forehead. She smelled the same way she did at that time,

"Let's watch a movie" she suggested. She wanted to spend some time with him "Sit down and I make some popcorn" she sniffed.

Lucas nodded and slumped down on the sofa. It went surprisingly well even though he knew his mom would understand.

She appeared with a large bowl of popcorn. She had watched him for a few minutes before she plucked up her courage and entered the living room. Her son's sadness pained her and she was scared to death. She knew he could die on his way to school, get shot at school or a drunken driver could kill him. That was the way the world worked, tragedies happened. People lose their loved ones or they never return home themselves but to know he could die because he was sick was something entirely else. To live with the constant fear of losing her boy was something she had to get used to when this was even possible.

"Do you find something interesting?" she smiled, her eyes red and puffy.

"Not yet" he avoided her gaze. It broke his heart to look at her.

Karen settled down beside him. She put her feet on the table and pulled his boy closer. Lucas fell asleep halfway of a boring movie. His head rested in his mother's lap. She stroked through his hair and thought about their life, past, present and their future. She saw the pendant dangling from his neck and rolled it over between her fingers.

_~ Has Nathan given it to you? Nathanael._

_I remember the day like it was yesterday. You were seven and sat in front of a book about angels. ("Mom, look there is Nathan" he smiled at her. "It's not Nathan" she settled down next to him "It's the angel Nathanael"_

"_He reminds me of Nathan. He has the same fiery eyes" Lucas touched the picture in the book. He stood up and ran into his room and returned with a picture "Look" they compared the pictures)_

_I overcame my pride and asked Deb for a picture, I thought you have the right to know about him but I never thought you would love him even though everything you had was a picture._

_You always were obsessed with the little boy. It was sad to deny you a meeting with him._

_It was the first time that a thought about you not being a ladies' man crossed my mind._

_Do you still love him so much? ~_

The movie ended long ago but she had no intention to call it a night. She would stay right there on the sofa with her boy until the sun would rise.


	9. Mother and son

Lucas was tired and his neck was stiff. He slept the whole night on the sofa, head in his mother's lap. He blushed as he thought about it. Lucas was sure his mother didn't close an eye that night, she looked so tired but determined. His secret was safe with her, first thing she did that morning was calling the principal but he was the only one she told about it and he knew she wouldn't call someone else after he left.

The first period of, his school day was normal but things changed after lunch break. Most teachers started to watch him. Their glances weren't obvious, a look here, a look there but Lucas felt watched. He thought it was his imagination because he knew his mother talked with the principal but after his math teacher saved him from Skills he was sure it wasn't his imagination.

Payton and Lucas had put their books back into the locker and were ready to leave as Skills and two others appeared. Skills bumped into Lucas and hissed that he should watch where he was going. Lucas remained silent; he wasn't in the mood to get into a fight. Payton had told him to leave them alone, what fueled his rage even more. They came closer, ready to fight; as someone appeared behind Skills and grabbed the young man's collar "Looks like you want to write an extra report" his math teacher had said and dragged them away. The teacher had looked at him with worry but it was nice that someone was watching his back. The reason did not matter, it was important that he got the chance of a normal school year.

"Hey love" Nathan whispered in his ear and winked at Payton.

She gave him a dirty grin "How are you? We haven't got the chance to talk during lunch" Nathan spent his time with Skills.

"Fine" the brunette smiled, his hand ghosted over the small of Lucas's back "Would you like to accompany me to the cinema?"

"I have to work tonight" Lucas looked up at him; Nathan knew he worked for his mother from time to time.

"Tomorrow?" Nathan asked hopefully "Tomorrow" Lucas confirmed "and after the movie I treat you to a meal" the blond added.

"Great" the brunette looked around, the street was empty. He gave his lover a quick kiss "See you tomorrow. Bye Payton"

Haley stood behind a tree and watched the scene. Her eyes went wide as she saw his love kiss her best friend. He kissed his own brother. That was the reason why he ignored her. It wasn't right Nathan was meant to be with her. There was no future for the brother's in this world but she would have a future with him.

"Hey mom" Lucas entered the café "How are you?" she almost ran over to him "I'm fine mom" he hugged her.

"Good" she smiled before she returned to her guests.

Lucas had a lot to do; the café had my customers and it seemed they all decided to come over at the same time.

The last guests left far after closing time, he was tired and he still had some homework to do.

"Lucas, sweep the floor and then bring out the trash. Take your time" she eyed him. He seemed to be alright. She started with the daily settlement as the bell over the door rang.

"Sorry but opening time is over" she looked up and met Dan's cold eyes "What are you doing here?"

"I want to talk about your son" Lucas who stood near the back door froze. What was his father doing here?

"He is your son too" she glared at him "That's a matter of opinion" he answered nonchalantly.

"What do you want?" she was angry.

"I heard your son is a bad influence" his gaze wandered through the shop.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" her mood darkened even more.

"I don't want him to spend so much time with my boy" he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"They are brothers and friends. They have every right to spend time together" Lucas and Nathan were good for each other.

"No they have not" he didn't like the blond. At least that was what he told himself.

"Leave" she hissed "Get out"

"Tell your son he will not get back at me by using my boy"

"I don't use him" Lucas left his hiding place "I like him and I have no intention to use him"

"Sure" Dan glared at him, the blond looked pale "So you want to tell me you get along with him because you're brothers and not because you want my money or my name?"

"I don't want all that" Lucas frowned "I want a family that's everything I ever wanted. Money and prestige are nothing worth when you're alone"

"You know I never wanted you and not even your mother was happy to have you" she thought about an abortion but the feeling of a life growing in her changed her mind. It wasn't her child's fault; the child did not choose to be born.

"I know why you hate me so much" Lucas didn't join the game Dan tried to play "You hate me because I'm the reminder of your shattered dreams"

Dan's jaw dropped, he didn't saw this one coming "All your dreams and hopes lost because of one stupid mistake. Oh, I know I'm a mistake I always knew I destroyed lives since the day you fathered me. But don't you think it's time to get over it? Nathan is living your dream but is it really satisfying? You are who you are because you cling to the past, you have so many regrets. But you can't change the past, stop before it's too late. Replace your shattered dreams by new ones. I know you have lost many things but there is much more you could lose. Deb and Nathan … what's with them? They are your family! You make her sick and one day she will leave and Nathan … Nathan needs you. You're his father and a father is what he wants, not a trainer nor a mighty watch dog. Be a man once in your life and correct your mistakes before it's too late"

"What's with you, what is it that you want?" Dan did as if Lucas never held his hurtful speech.

"I don't matter" Lucas paled even more and his breath got heavier "I wished, and still do, that you could accept me but I replaced that dream. I'll live with what I have"

Karen watched without to interfere it was the first time Lucas stood up for himself and it was important for him to talk about it. He never talked about his feelings and wishes with her and it pained her to realize that he felt so needless.

"Lucas?" Lucas's uneven breathing pulled her out of her musing "Have you taken your meds?" she laid her hand above of his heart "Yes mom" he really had.

"Shall I call an ambulance?" she studied him "No mom I'm fine. I will not die because I'm angry" he smiled to lighten the mood but failed.

"What's with him?" Dan frowned, a feeling he couldn't identify stirred in the pit of his stomach.

"I'm fine" the blond tried to reassure his mom and himself.

"I don't think so" Dan stepped closer, the boy was pale. He was always pale but not to that degree "He needs rest" Karen kissed her boy's forehead "Mom" Lucas groaned.

"Rest. Now" she ordered "Sit down" Karen took a bottle of water and reached it to him.

Dan put the pieces together and started to understand "Nathan said your test was negative"

Had his son lied to him?

"I lied to him" Lucas sipped on his water.

"Why?" he was surprised, his sickness was a good opportunity to make his brother do whatever he wants.

"I don't want to lose his respect" Lucas swatted his mother's hand away as she ruffled his hair.

"Why is it so important to you?" Dan was truly interested in his answer but Karen interfered.

"Stop to interrogate him and leave" it was his fault that Lucas was unwell.

Dan saw the determination in her eyes and decided to obey. It wasn't as if he was interested in her child anyway.

"Mom stop fussing" he heard Lucas's amused voice as he stepped out of the shop.

Dan sat on the couch in his living room. He nursed his drink and thought about Lucas.

How could he dare to talk like he knew him?

_~ Shattered dreams? Tzk._

…

_I have everything I ever wanted. Money, prestige and an athletic son._

…

_Do I really project my lost dreams onto Nathan? He loves basketball and he has potential. I'll do everything to get him into NBA._

_But is it really what he wants? Damn it Lucas and his confusing speech._

_Am I really so blind and bitter that I don't even know what my own son dreams of?_

_What would you have done when your test had been positive? Would you become an architect? Engineer? Or lawyer?_

_What a great father I am I don't even know an answer to that._

_Everything I know is related to basketball. ~_

He refilled his glass and paced up and down in the living room. Dan stopped in front of a family photo; he took it into his hand.

_~ Are you happy my boy? Am I really so lousy? Okay you moved out to get away from me. You left on your own accord but never stopped contacting me._

_Maybe he's right and I'm pushing you more and more into a life you never wanted ~_

He put the picture down and continued to pace up and down.

_~ Lucas is so different. He's smart and has his own head. That must be Karen's influence._

_I never understood why she decided to keep the child. She must have felt something I was not able to comprehend. She looks so happy when she's with him, her precious boy._

_Deb's family has money it was the most consistence choice to marry her instead of Karen._

_Would I have loved Lucas as much as she does? The little blond boy, with sky blue eyes._

_Where is….? ~_

Dan raked through various drawers until he found what he searched for. He held an old picture in his hands. A picture of Lucas as a baby, he was only a few days old and looked right into the camera. He didn't want him but he couldn't throw the picture away, he had tried but it was a useless undertake so he hid it in one of his drawers.

_~ He really was a cute child. Nathan never looked so awake and curious._

_I always thought Karen sent the picture to appeal to my heart but I'm not sure anymore. She never asked for money, she never asked for anything._

_How does she pay for Lucas's meds? It must cost a fortune._

_What a waste of time thinking about him ~_

He put the picture away. With a heartfelt groan he threw his glass against the wall. It shattered into hundredths of tiny pieces, glittering in the soft light of the fireplace "Damn it" he yelled.

"You are not going to school today" Karen took his backpack "You need your rest"

"Mom. So you tell me I made my homework for nothing last night" he raised a brow.

"Nice trick young man but no you're not going. I already called the principal"

"What did you tell him? My son got pissed while talking to his old man and needs time off?" Lucas frowned at his mother's reaction "Mom?"

"I told him you're stressed because of family problems and you need rest"

"So you told him I'm a walking time bomb?" He mocked to signalize that he wasn't angry with her.

"You make it sound so indecent" she rubbed her neck "It is indecent to skip school" he smiled.

"I'm your mother that makes it warrantable" she looked self-confident.

He hugged his mother, it was fun to banter with her "but what am I supposed to do the whole day?"

"I thought we can go to the mall. You need new clothes and then it's time for your date with Nathan" she looked slightly shocked about what she said. Lucas blushed furiously and she knew her suspicions were right. Her boy loved his brother more than he should but she couldn't bring herself to feel disgusted or angry. It was something she always suspected.

"Mom. I …" he stammered "It's okay Lucas. I'm not angry, you can't change the way you feel. I always suspected your love for him run deeper than it should"

"What gave me away?" he needed to know so he could prevent it in the future.

She pulled his necklace out from under his shirt and fumbled with the pendant "Nathanael. I remember the day"

He put his hand on top of his mother's hand "That was a long time ago"

"Your attraction to him was never normal" she looked as if her thoughts were far away "I made many mistakes but I want you to know that you're not one of them. Whatever you do I'll stand by your side. Nathan as son-in-law" she mused "It's the dream of, at least, twenty mothers I know"

"Thank you mom" he hugged her "I'm sorry"

"There is nothing to be sorry for" she rubbed his back "Our family has so many regrets I don't want your happiness to be one of them"

"I'm happy with him" Lucas beamed at her "So he knows you're in love with him? That's good" she felt relived, unrequited love was something she not even wished her worst enemies.

"He made the first step. He's a romanticist" the blond chuckled.

"Really?" she wanted to hear more, she needed to understand the man her son loved.

"Yeah" Lucas told her about their dates and days at school. He did not mention the negative aspects at school like Skills and Haley but his mother seemed not to notice. Maybe she already knew it anyway.

They spent hours in the mall, both helping each other to find new clothes. One of the positive effects of having a gay son was the distinct sense of fashion he had. She always wondered why Payton and Haley dragged him along when they needed new clothes.

They decided to eat before they return home, neither Karen nor Lucas was in the mood to cook or end their little trip to the mall.


	10. Approval

"Payton. Where is Lucas?" Nathan finally tracked her down.

"I don't know" she looked honest "I haven't seen him today"

"It's not like him to skip school" Nathan was worried, he had tried to call him but the call went directly to his voicemail.

"I'm sure he's alright" Payton rubbed his arm soothingly "Don't you think we wouldn't know when something happened to him? It is a small town"

"You're right" he wasn't sure at all "I pay him a visit after school"

"Do that" she smiled, he was so cute when he was insecure "Tell him Payton said hello"

"He knows your thinking about him. You're practically joined at the hips" he joked.

"Uhhh" she grimaced "Thank god we are not. There are things I don't want to see. I don't even want to think about it. Ohh, thank you for putting these traumatizing images into my head"

Nathan laughed and forgot his worries for a while "I have a hard time with these images too"

"Something tells me it's not a metonymic remark" she shuddered.

The look Nathan gave her spoke volumes "You're so naughty" she chuckled "Don't corrupt my little boy" she wiggled her finger in front of his nose.

"Believe me. You did a good job there is nothing left for me to corrupt" she blushed, true she was pretty naughty herself but they didn't talk about sex that often. She looked at Nathan and blushed again, yes they did talk about sex often mostly about fanfiction, boy love manga and hot boys "You won" she sighed. He patted her back "Well, at least you realized how naughty you are"

"Jerk" she swatted his hand away "Let's grab something to eat before people start talking"

"Let them talk I know who I belong to" Nathan grinned "Good doggie" she ruffled his head.

"Hey" he chuckled "Stop ruining my hair" he combed his hair back in place with his fingers. Payton laughed at him. He was more worried about his hair than the doggie remark. He really was dedicated to Lucas's.

Haley watched the scene. She took a deep calming breath before she joined them "Hey" she sounded normal.

"Hey, is it me or was biology really boring today" Payton asked her "It was boring. I don't understand how a teacher can ruin a lesson about hereditary diseases. It should be interesting but I almost fell asleep. It should be prohibited to talk for ninety minutes nonstop"

"School? Without nonstop talking? Girl, that's utopistic" Nathan mocked, school was school.

"You're not as stupid as you look like" Payton grinned, it was fun to banter with him.

"You see, Lucas didn't get all the brain" he sipped on his juice "but I compensate my lack of intelligence with my stunning appearance. He's the brain I'm the beauty"

"Wishful thinking" Payton shot back. Haley watched them with interest "Okay, what did I miss" she knew exactly what she missed between Nathan and Lucas but wasn't sure what kind of relationship he had with Payton.

"Huh?" Nathan mumbled dumbly.

"I just realized that you're not on each other throats. How long do you two get along so well?"

"She's Lucas's friend" Nathan frowned "and I want to be friends with the people he likes most"

"He's right" Payton put in her two cents "We didn't get along before because he was mean to Lucas but it's not a matter anymore so why continue to fight"

"True" she nodded "Speaking of Lucas where do you think he is? Skipping school for a sexy blond?"

A sharp pain shot through Nathan's body "He would never skip school for a date" Haley laughed inwardly, she hit a sore spot. She made a mental note, who knows when the information could be useful "Not a sexy blond then"

"He prefers brunettes" Payton looked bored, she knew what Haley tried "Brunette, tall, athletic and intelligent"

"Uh-hu, and you know it so well because…" she waited for Payton to finish for her.

"Because I talk to him and I listen but that's something you forgot how to do" she gave her a 'you know damn well whom he likes' look. Payton was friendly to her because of Lucas but the blond wasn't around so Haley was completely and utterly at her mercy.

"I do talk to him" Haley pouted "We talk about everything. We have no secrets"

"When was the last time you stopped drooling over Nathan long enough to speak with him?"

Nathan almost choke on his juice "I-I talked to him after the incident with Keith. We had a long talk" she lied; she couldn't remember the last time she talked to him. Haley was disappointed in herself, what kind of friend show disinterest in their friends.

"That's not true Haley why bother with a lie? He spent his time with me; I'm the one who comforted him. You know what you're doing is wrong change it before it's too late" Nathan wanted Lucas to be happy he couldn't be happy while losing a friend.

"I'll work on it" she had a lot to think about. Haley bid goodbye and left.

"Do you think she understands?" Payton pinched the bridge of her nose

"Love does strange things to all of us. I don't think she has the intention to hurt him but we should be careful" Nathan studied the canteen. He searched for Skills but he was nowhere to be seen.

What Nathan missed was that Skills left the room only seconds after Haley. He heard them talk and decided to have a little chat with Haley.

Nathan stood in front of Karen's house and shuffled nervously with his feet. After a few calming breaths he rang. He was afraid Karen would throw him out or beat him for befriending her son.

"Hey Nathan" she opened the door with a big smile "How are you?" she signaled him to enter.

" you" he was still nervous "How is Lucas? He wasn't at school today and I wondered if he's sick"

"He had a headache. Happens sometimes" they made up a reason in case people ask about his whereabouts.

"I was worried" Nathan confessed "I should go, tell Lucas we can go to the cinema, tomorrow or the day after"

"Wait" she grabbed his arm "He feels fine. His headache stopped a few hours ago but you can do me a favor. Please wake him while I get some ice cream for us"

Nathan was confused but obeyed "Okay" he headed upstairs and knocked.

Lucas opened the door, he looked pale and sleepy "What are you doing here?" he asked positively surprised. He had really slept for an hour because of last night's lack of it.

"You weren't at school and I was worried" he looked around and gave his lover a quick peck on the cheek.

"Have you ever had a migraine?" Lucas looked slightly amused.

"No" the brunette shook his head "Be thankful" Lucas sighed and patted his lover's back.

"Karen is waiting for us. Your mom said something about ice cream" Nathan wasn't sure how to act in front of Karen.

"Cool" the blond hurried into the kitchen "Nathan said you got ice cream?"

"Yeah" she gave him a bowl. Vanilla ice-cream with chocolate sauce, cream and brittle "You're the best" he dug into his ice.

Nathan grinned at him, he acted like a child. The childlike and carefree attitude suited him "Are you sure you're the older brother?"

"Damn sure" Lucas laughed "You should try to be less serious"

It wasn't an accusation "Maybe I should" Nathan grinned; he would show him how playful he could be the next time they were alone.

"Here" Karen gave him a bowl "and both of you stop the underlying messages while I'm around" she blushed slightly "There are things a mother doesn't want to know"

Nathan almost choked on his ice. His mouth opened but no words came out "Oh mom, I hadn't the impression you were disinterested while we talked this morning. You were quite eager to ask questions"

Now she was totally embarrassed "But not when both of you are around" she shoved a spoon into her mouth.

"Sure mom" Lucas winked, she took another spoon full of ice carefully avoiding her son's gaze.

Nathan paled while he watched them banter "She…" he swallowed.

"I know you're dating my boy" she was thankful for the change of topic.

"Are you not…" he was at a loss of words. There was so much he wanted to ask.

"No I'm not angry nor disgusted" her playful tone changed into a motherly voice "I had many years to get used to the thought, but to be honest I never thought you two would get together"

"How long do you know that he's in love with me?" Nathan frowned it must be a long time when she was okay with it.

"Always" she smiled at him. Karen put her bowl into the sink before she approached Nathan. She pinched his cheeks to lighten the mood "What a cute son-in-law you are".

Lucas stared at his mother's retreating back and burst out into a laughing fit. Nathan looked so shocked and confused it was adorable. His mother had a talent to confuse people but she used the same talent to make them happy. He would be nothing without his mom.

"You told her?" Nathan yelled, Lucas stopped laughing. The brunette regretted his choice of tone as the beautiful laugh died down and his beaming face fell.

"I didn't tell her" Lucas avoided his eyes, he felt ashamed for not regarding Nathan's feelings. He was so happy that his mother still loved him that he hadn't contemplated to warn his lover.

Nathan's anger faded away. The blond looked ashamed and you could practically see his inner turmoil "What gave us away?" he tried softer.

"The necklace" Lucas continued to avoid his eyes "She has a memory like an elephant"

The brunette took Lucas into his arms "I was shocked, I'm not mad at you" he tried to sooth his lover's insecurities.

"I'm sorry for not regarding your feeling, I should have warned you" the fact he hadn't bothered him greatly.

"It's okay" the brunette placed a gentle kiss on top of his lover's head "I like your mom" he added to lighten the mood.

"She's great" Lucas said lovingly "She's always there for me. She'll never abandon me"

"Why should your mother abandon you? You're her little boy" Nathan was confused.

"Blood isn't always the matter" Lucas bit his bottom lip, he talked too much and needed to come up with a new topic luckily Nathan noticed the change in him "Are you still in the mood for a movie or do you want to go somewhere else?"

"I want to see the movie" Lucas pulled himself together and stood up. Nathan stepped back "Great, I hoped you'd say that"

Nathan took his hand "Bye Karen" he waved "Have fun" she smiled "and Nathan!"

He stopped to look at her Lucas was already out off the door "Yes?"

"Take good care of my boy" her eyes sparkled with some unknown emotions "he's not an easy person"

"I always will" Nathan vowed "and I don't think he's too difficult" there was something in her eyes what confused him but he couldn't figure it out.

Karen nodded and returned to her task. Nathan would learn how Lucas's mind worked and then he would come to the conclusion that he indeed was difficult. There was so much going on in her son's mind what he didn't share with anyone. It was a wonder that he defended himself against Dan but such a behavior was rare. He only did this when he couldn't take it anymore and she wondered when the time would come he wasn't able to handle his life anymore. It wasn't fair that life was throwing so much dirt at him.

"Mommy takes care of you" she whispered to herself, Karen knew she couldn't protect him from life and she couldn't be there forever but sure as hell she would try.

"I think it was a failure to come" Lucas let go of Nathan's hand. Two minutes after the light went out Skills and his friends hurried into the hall.

"Damn it" he heard Nathan curse. The brunette hoped they got seats far away from them but no such luck. The hall was only half full and as they spied Nathan they chose the seats next to them. Two settled down next to Nathan and Skills picked the seat next to Lucas.

Nathan saw his lover's growing nervousness. The blond stared at the screen ignoring Skills. It was hard to blend him out while he tried to start a conversation.

Nathan glared at his friend while he whispered into Lucas's ear but the blond didn't acknowledge his tries.

Skills frowned he wasn't used of being ignored and it bothered him "Hey bastard, I said stop dragging him down. It's bad enough you bring trouble into the team but do you really want to stain your brother's image. What says Dan to your little friendship?"

It was hard to remain neutral, it wasn't the time to make a scene in the middle of the movie but he really, really wanted to hit the guy. His hand clenched and unclenched a few times. Skills smirked; he was breaking his calm demeanor.

"Maybe I should give your old man a call and tell him what his little boy is doing. Befriending the son of a slut " he crossed his arms to hide his next move, he leaned closer and laid his hand on Lucas's upper arm and dug his nails into his skin "Stop ignoring me it piss me off. You think you're better than us but news flash pretty boy, you are not"

Lucas had enough and pushed him away; he moved forward and pressed his arm against Skills throat. He looked up into Lucas's furious eyes, Lucas pinned him to the seat and he wasn't able to move "Listen pretty boy. I don't know where the problem lies but I will not abandon my family for you and I don't think I'm better than you but I know that Nathan and my mom are" he pressed his arm harder against his throat "Leave my family alone. Do you understand?"

Skills tried to nodded a little, it wasn't easy while Lucas arm was in the way. Lucas let go of him and made himself comfortable. Nathan stared at him that was a side of his brother he heard about but it was the first time he saw it with his own eyes. One or two times he saw him discus with people from afar but never thought he could flip out like that. Nathan realized how much fighting spirit his brother possessed and how dangerous he could be when threatened. He made a mental note to never piss him off.

"Lucas?" he didn't dare to touch him not with the team around.

Lucas looked at him his eyes were warm and loving, no trace of the steely gaze they held moments ago "Let's watch the movie"

Nathan nodded and returned his attention back to the movie but his thoughts continued to stray back to his lover.

"Nathan" someone elbowed him in the ribs, he startled "Do you want to see the final credits or can we go now?" Lucas looked amused.

"We can go" he collected his thoughts; that was embarrassing.

Skills and his friends followed "I'll get you for that" Skills hissed but kept his distance.

"We will see" Lucas turned around and ran into the arms of a cute brunette "I'm sorry"

"No problem" she smiled sweetly "You're Lucas, right?"

"Yes. Do I know you?" he frowned he saw her somewhere before.

"I'm Nathalie" she reached out a hand "I saw you at school"

"You're a class under me" he stated "Yes" she looked at the boys there was no potential girlfriend "Would you like to hang out with me?"

"No. I have plans for today" Lucas said truthfully. Nathan glared at her; a storm was bubbled under the surface. Lucas smiled at her and he held her hand far too long for Nathan's taste.

After she asked for his plans for the upcoming weekend he had enough "Lucas we have to go" he grabbed his brother's arm and dragged him out of the cinema.

Skills watched them with a big grin plastered on his face. He learned three new and very interesting things that night. Lucas protects Karen, he wants to keep his brother and Nathan has a crush on the cute brunette. That was something he could work with. Maybe they should follow them a little longer.

"Nathan" Lucas tried to free himself "Nathan you're hurting me"

The brunette let go of his arm "I… I'm sorry" he stuttered shocked about his own behavior.

"What's the problem?" Lucas was clueless.

"She was all over you and you're asking what the problem is?" Nathan tried not to yell.

"And what should I have done? Sorry I fuck my own brother and kissing you senseless in front of Skills?" Lucas was angry but kept his voice low.

Nathan realized how irrational his act was, of course Lucas couldn't do that but it bothered him to see him with someone else. The thought of losing him to her or anyone else hurt.

"Or should we end it so we don't have to worry about it?" Lucas knew that was low but it couldn't be that they fought forever every time a girl hits on him. He saw it in Nathan's face that this will be the case when they don't work on it.

Nathan's eyes widened in shock he grabbed Lucas's arm and pushed him into the car.

"Nathan" Lucas struggled but got no answer, after his third try to get his brother's attention he gave up. The brunette stared at the road, gripping the steering wheel tight. His mind was racing as fast as the car he almost missed his apartment. Lucas was nervous, the brunette got off the car and opened Lucas's door.

"Come" he choked out and dragged the blond inside.

"Nathan you're scaring me" Lucas tried to get an answer, Nathan's grip started to hurt.

Nathan pushed him onto the couch and hovered over him "Do you want to leave me that bad?"

"I don't want to leave you but we can't make a scene every time a girl shows her interest, you know that" Lucas felt queasy; his brother looked dangerous while he stared at him.

Nathan kneeled down on the couch, one knee between his brother's legs and one knee on the edge of the couch, his arms on either side of the blonds' head "You'll not leave me; I'll not stand by and watch you walk away"

"I don't want to leave" Lucas yelled "but you're scaring me, I don't want to be scared every time you're angry"

"I'm sorry" the brunette whispered and slumped down on top of his lover "I'm sorry" he whispered into the soft fabric of Lucas's shirt.

Lucas sighed deeply and wrapped his arms around him, pressing him closer. He couldn't stay angry at his brother when he needed protection from himself.

"Hush, it's okay" he stroked with his fingertips over Nathan's soft cheek "Don't be jealous. I love you and I have no intention to leave. I can be jealous too when the girls at school have their paws on you but we can't make our relationship public so we have to learn to handle it properly"

Nathan nodded against his chest, enjoying the gentle caresses "You're the first person I love so much. I'm overwhelmed with emotions I'm not used to"

"You're hotheaded" Lucas smiled and lifted Nathan's head up with a gentle motion "I love you how you are but it's not good to be so hotheaded. It makes your life difficult. Try to control your emotions and think before you act. You almost gave us away today"

"I know" the brunette looked into deep blue eyes; his own eyes were watery with tears he was too proud to spill "Can I kiss you?"

Lucas smiled at him and pulled him into a breathtaking kiss "I love you Nathan"

"I love you too" Nathan initiated a more passionate kiss "Let me show you how kinky I can be"

"Stop talking proves it" Lucas smirked.

"Come on sweetheart time to get up" Nathan kissed him "man you're cold. Did you sleep on top of the blanket again?"

"I think so" Lucas mumbled his skin got cold at night when his blood pressure dropped and Nathan tended to steal the blanket a night "and I'm not as hot-blooded as you. You're always so warm"

Nathan took him into his arm with a big smile on his face "I'll keep you warm then"

Lucas soaked his body heat in "We have to go to school, in less than an hour"

"Get ready"

"But you have to let go of me first" Lucas tickled him.

Nathan chuckled ant released him "Hurry up sweetie" he gave him a pat on his firm butt.

"Sweetie" Lucas mumbled to himself "What am I? A cupcake?" he strolled into the bathroom.

The disturbing fact was he liked the nickname, in a strange and girlish way. Sweetie was not a nickname for a man but it came from Nathan and that made it alright, somehow. Lucas was sure he called him that only to annoy him.

And what do you call your male lover anyway? He had no answer to that "Sweetie it is" he stepped into the shower.

"Hey I thought you're lost with all hands" Nathan grinned.

"You're shower is too small to get lost in it" Lucas threw his towel at him and started to get dressed.

"Wait" Nathan took the necklace out of his lover's hand and put it around his neck "I like to do it" he adjusted the pendant.

"Let's go" the blond gave him a loving kiss "I have to work tonight so it would be nice if you could pass by for a while. I owe you a dinner"

"Deal" the brunette put an arm around his shoulder and grabbed his car keys.

School life seemed to stop as they drove into the parking lot. Pupils and teachers were staring at them and whispered. It was the first time they drove to school together "Okay love tell me the truth. Were we really so obnoxious to each other?" Lucas tilted his head and looked at him. Lucas seemed amused and maybe a bit surprised.

"I think I was pretty nasty sometimes" Nathan gave him a rueful smile "but I don't think that is the reason" he frowned.

"Why not?" Lucas eyed the people, what did Nathan saw what he didn't?

"Gut feeling" Nathan couldn't put a finger on it, something was odd. The way they looked at them, the way they whispered was baleful.

"Time to face the mob" Lucas joked half heartedly and opened the door.

A shiver ran down his spine as all eyes settled on him, they whispered but couldn't hear a single indication of the matter.

"Lucas" Nathan stopped beside him "Stay strong" he smiled. The blond nodded and they rushed into the building.

A few hours later and not one step closer to a clue they met at the canteen "Geez" Nathan let his tray fall on the table with a loud 'thump' "It's absolutely nerve-wrecking"

"Do you think they know?" Lucas whispered, panic creeping into his gaze.

"No" Payton joined them "Damn girl, don't do that" Nathan pressed a hand against his chest, his heart beating wildly. Lucas looked as shocked as he did "Hell, Payton don't creep up on us. I thought I get an infarct" he really did.

"Sorry guys" she sighed "I'd one hell of a day"

"The day is not over yet" Lucas rubbed his forehead, he was developing a headache.

"Don't remind me" she looked disgusted at the thought "The day is definitely over for me"

"Do you know why they stare at us?" Nathan spread his arms to accent what he just said.

"Yes but you won't like it" she leaned forward, elbows resting on the table "You" she pointed at Lucas "stole his lover away" she pointed at Nathan "They say Lucas is playing with you, gaining your trust and when you're too involved he uses his advantage to hurt you"

"What?" Lucas jaw dropped "I don't want to hurt him, never"

Nathan took a deep breath; it was so close to the truth that it was scaring the hell out of him. But it wasn't Lucas who played games it was him, he was the bad guy who planned to crush his older brother with help of emotions.

Nathan felt sick what had he thought while he made the deal with Skills? Obviously, not much. How could he play with the feelings of other people? What gave him the right to judge people without to know them? He felt like the devil himself.

"Nathan? Are you well?" Payton asked and he noticed that they were staring at him.

"Yeah" he shook his head "Does that mean they are angry at Lucas and have pity with me?"

"God" Lucas groaned, he crossed his arms on the table and rested his head on top of them "How long do you think the rumor will remain?"

"I don't know it depends on the person who spread it" Payton rubbed his back, Nathan wanted to take him into his arms but it wasn't the right place for affection "Nathan I swear I tried to let her down carefully" the blond was scared the rumor could affect their relationship especially after their fight the night before.

"I know" he wouldn't let them affect his life. He wanted Lucas by his side and he would make sure it remains that way. But what when Lucas was the one playing games with him? No, the brunette shook his head; Lucas acted out of love as he accepted his friendship and love, and not out of spite "Ignore them. They can't hurt us"

"Yes they can" Lucas muttered under his breath "Huh?" Nathan and Payton heard him mutter something.

"I said you're right" Lucas knew their downfall was approaching, slowly but steady. He felt it in his guts. Lucas hoped so much he was wrong "Have you seen Haley?" he changed the topic.

"No, she called in sick two days ago. The flu or something" Payton explained "She didn't look that good last time I saw her"

"I pay her a visit after school" the blond looked up at them "but don't catch whatever she has" Nathan smiled, a flu meant a sick Lucas, that was something he never wanted to see and second, no sex and that was something he never wanted to give up.

"Naughty boy" Lucas whispered "I can practically see what you're thinking right now"

Nathan chuckled "That's because you're as naughty as I am"

Payton watched their little banter, they were so cute together and she hoped nothing could break them apart.

"Hey you" a burly boy spoke to Lucas, he bent forward "Don't you dare laying a hand on my girlfriend do you understand? We will not stand by and watch you whoring around with our girls"

Lucas stared at him wide-eyed that was a development he didn't expect. Nathan stood up and grabbed the boy's collar. He took him by surprise and shoved him on top of the table "Don't you dare to threaten him ever again or I make sure the rumor mill will have a lot of fun with you and your friends. Do you understand?" Nathan hissed.

The boy stared at him in surprise "You will see what your friendship with him will bring you" he took all his courage together. That was the first time he had an argument with Dan Scott's boy and he hoped it was the first and last time.

Nathan shook his head and pulled him off of the table "Stay away from him" he shoved him in the direction of his shocked friends before he returned his attention to Lucas "Let's find a quieter place"

Lucas followed him out of the canteen. Payton stayed behind and eyed the burly guy. She was angry and before she could think twice about it she threw her now lukewarm coffee into his face "Should you pull a stunt like that again I'll make sure your girlfriend hears about your one night stand with the redhead with the big boobs. What was her name again? Sarah, Samantha? Hmm, oh right you had them both. I already thought my memory is turning into a sieve, haha. Oh, did I say it out loud? My bad" she smirked and went away. Before she reached the door she heard girls screaming and loud slaps. Seemed like his girlfriends left burning red handprints on his cheek, Payton chuckled. Revenge can be so sweet.


	11. Ally

Nathan fled with his lover into the restroom and shoved him gently into one of the cabins "What are we doing here?" Lucas thought they searched for a quiet place outside of school.

Instead of an answer he got a passionate kiss "Nathan" the blond panted "In case you forgot we are still in school and someone could enter every moment" he felt a warm and tingling feeling in his belly.

"We have to be quiet then" Nathan nibbled on his earlobe before he started to kiss and lick his neck. Lucas moaned as quiet as he could. Nathan's caresses sent shivers down his spine and sent the blood directly into his groin "Nate" he wasn't able to articulate his whole name as his lovers hand cupped his genital.

"We can't … not here" he gasped but Nathan had a different opinion "I show you how much you mean to me" he breathed into his lover's ear and broke his resistance.

Nathan opened the fly and pulled Lucas's jeans and boxers down "Love you" he looked up at Lucas before he took his penis into his mouth. Lucas bit his bottom lip before he could cry out in pleasure. Nathan took his time to make his lover come, it wasn't about a quickie in the restroom or simple sex, it was all about Lucas. He wanted to show him his love, to make him feel good without service in return.

The brunette decided that it was time to allow his lover to come as they heard voices, Nathan groaned and sent Lucas almost over the edge with the vibration it produced. Lucas hand clung to his shoulders and he felt his finger dig into his skin as he tried to stay quiet.

The blond breathed heavily and Nathan hoped the troublemakers would leave soon before Lucas hurt himself. The brunette was afraid his lover could draw blood where his teeth were connected with his lip. The boys left after a few minutes and Nathan took a breath of delight before he continued his task, massaging his lover's balls to make him come a little faster as he planned.

"Nathan" Lucas panted, the warmth of Nathan's mouth around him was pure bliss "… so close" the brunette grinned; he knew Lucas was close and used all his skills to make him come.

Nathan almost came in his pants as Lucas cried out his name as he came "Nathan" he repeated breathless. The brunette swallowed every drop and slid his hand over his lover's belly before he pulled Lucas's clothes back in place "Satisfied?" he took the blond into his arms.

Lucas nodded "but you…" the brunette stopped him with a loving kiss "It's okay I'm fine" he traced his finger over his lover's reddened lip "You can make it up to me Friday night. Do you like handcuffs?" he purred.

Lucas shivered, that was enough for Nathan to know he had to buy a pair of handcuffs "Let's get back to our duties. I hate philosophy"

"I like it, I can give you private lessons" Lucas meant what he said "I think we could get your grades up by, at least, one grade in every subject"

"You're serious" Nathan smiled, it would be great to show people that sport isn't everything he's good at "Yeah"

"Great" Lucas liked to learn new things and he loved to help his brother in any way he could.

"Hey Haley, can I come in?" Lucas knocked and opened the door.

She sat on her bed and looked like shit, she looked like she lacked a lot of sleep and her eyes red and puffy "What happened?" he rushed to her and settled down beside her.

"Nothing" she rubbed her eyes "It does not look like nothing to me" he touched her arm.

"I was mean to you" she sniffed "I hurt you even though I knew you love him and I continued after I saw you kiss him"

Lucas blood froze "You saw us?" who else saw them that day?

"I don't think there was someone else around, it took me by surprise you know. I never thought you have a chance. Payton said I'm a lousy friend and she was right"

"You're not lousy" he put and arm around her and pulled her closer "You're in love. We do stupid things when we are in love"

"I'm not in love anymore" she hissed and pressed her lips together to prevent a second outburst "Haley?" Lucas frowned.

"I-I mean I don't want to love him anymore, he's yours" she hated Nathan with all her heart, how could she fall in love with a jerk like him.

"Don't lie to me" Lucas warned, there was more to it than she was ready to tell.

"I can't tell you" she choked out, how could she tell him that Nathan played with him?

"Don't you think I have a right to know when it involves Nathan?" that was low but he had to try.

He was right better now than later "I talked to Skills, he tried to use me to hurt you but I don't want to hurt you more than I already have. He promised I get Nathan but I don't want him when I have to stomp on your heart for it. He told me he needs my help because he wants to win the bet he has going on with someone. He said he bet that he would be the first to break you. The team tries to get you out of the team by using force and a second party tries to win the bet by using your friendship. He hadn't said who but I'm not stupid, they started to harass you at the same time Nathan tried to gain your trust. I was wrong, I told you he was trustworthy, I told you he was a good man but I pushed you into the arms of the devil" she cried even harder "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

Lucas needed time to process the information he got "So it was a game all along" Haley looked at him in shock. Why wasn't he surprised? Why wasn't he angry? "You knew?"

"No but I never got rid of the nagging feeling that something was not right. I hoped he meant what he said but it seems that the little voice in my head was right"

She looked ashamed "Why does he sleeps with you? That is a point I don't understand, he's your lover. Why should he do that when you could be friends?"

"I don't know, maybe he fell in love with me. I'm sure he did" Lucas smiled sadly.

She eyed him "Why?" Haley wasn't able to understand why Lucas believed in him.

"The way he says he loves me and the way he gets jealous is honest, I'm sure" Lucas couldn't understand his trust either but Nathan looked so honest and in addition to that he hadn't to go so far as becoming his lover to crash him.

"Can you do me a favor?" Haley cupped his cheeks "be careful. Don't let him crush you"

He wiped her tears away "I promise" he still clung to the hope that Nathan truly loved him.

Haley felt a lot better, she considered for days how she could tell him what Nathan did, if ever.

She felt like a bitch for hurting him so much and telling him what she knew about the bet but Lucas wasn't angry at her. She had thought he quit their friendship and wish her to hell but that was unexpected. It was relieving to spill the truth.

"I hoped he lied that it was a trick but I followed the team a few days and they talked about it as if it were nothing but a game. Then I knew he was not lying" fresh tears filled her eyes.

"Stop beating yourself up, it's not your fault" he rubbed her back; the news hit her harder than him.

"It is my fault. I should have been more careful. I pushed you into his arms. How can I ever repay you?" she sniffed.

"You're my friend that's enough. And I think it was my own fault. I had no intention to trust him but after he protected me… I let my guard down. I wanted to trust him and I still do. I'll wait for him to tell me the truth on his own accord"

"Love makes us stupid, huh?" she pulled him into a hug.

"Yes" Lucas sighed, he had to be careful or Nathan would definitely destroy him one day.

"I hate myself" he felt tears on his skin "It's not your fault" the blond tried to sooth her.

"Skills must have thought I hated you as much as he did or he would never have talked about the bet. Payton was right. Please, Lucas believe me I don't hate you, I never did and I never will"

"I know" he rubbed her back "Hush, it's alright. You're forgiven" she relaxed in his arms.

She fell asleep in his arms after a while and he lay her down "Love you Haley. Friends forever" she smiled and mumbled something he couldn't understand but it seemed to be a confirmation.

"Hey mom I'm sorry I'm late but I visited Haley. She's sick and needed a friend" he entered the shop. His mother looked relieved "Next time give me a call, okay?"

"Sorry mom" he forgot to call her "It wasn't my intention to worry you"

"I know" she smiled and gave him a brief hug "Have you taken your meds?" Karen whispered, she knew he spent the night with Nathan but she couldn't stop worrying the whole night.

"Yes I did. I took them as Nathan wasn't looking" he put them into his pocket before they left that day.

"Good boy" she patted his cheek "and now, start working"

"Yes ma'am" Lucas gave her a lazy salute, she coaxed a chuckle out of her. He liked his mother best when she laughed and smiled. It was bad enough she had to worry about him so much.

Lucas cleared a table as someone whispered into his ear "Hey pretty boy"

"Nathan" he turned around and beamed "I thought you changed your mind"

"I was delayed by a few friends" the brunette hated it to talk with Skills about the bet.

There was something in Lucas's gaze he didn't like but it was hard to say what it was "that's good, you don't spend much time with your friends anymore because of me and I started to worry about your status"

"My status does not matter" he tried to figure out what Lucas felt. His brother could be real hard to read.

"Don't tell that Dan or Skills" Lucas joked "You're their favorite" there was no malice or envy in his voice what confused Nathan. How could he be so nonchalant while he talked about the people who hate him most?

"Yeah I think I am" he tried to smile "How's Haley?"

"She's fine. She caught the flu but she will return to her old self in no time" Lucas smiled. He realized that he paid his brother more attention since his talk with Haley. The blond tried to figure out the meaning behind every word he said and every gesture the brunette made.

"That's good" he sat down and looked through the menu "Are you free on Sunday?"

"Yes. Mom says I don't need to work on weekends so I can spend my time with my friends" he winked.

Nathan chuckled "I planned something for us"

"May I ask what?" Lucas alarm signal went on, it was stupid to worry because Nathan he was sure Nathan loved but the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach grew stronger.

"It wouldn't be a surprise anymore" he looked smug, after his talk with Skills he felt the urge to spend time with his lover. Nathan's guilt intensified.

"I'm looking forward to your plan" Lucas faked a smile; he was so not looking forward to it.

"I hope so" the brunette pouted before he ordered his food.

His mother gave him permission to take a break while Nathan ate, she was sure Lucas hadn't eaten properly that day. She knew how he could be.

"Why do you get so many breaks?" Nathan wondered.

"Because of you" Lucas lied; he got a break every time his mother disliked his stress level. You look pale take a break. You served ten customers in record time, take a break. Mop up and take a break. It was unnerving but his mother meant well. She was worried and he came to the conclusion he would do the same if he had children.

"I have to go back to work" he looked at his watch "See you tomorrow" the blond returned to his duties.

Nathan watched him for a while before he decided to leave. The blond was absolutely beautiful and kind-hearted. It was wrong what he did and he knew but there was no way out. Nathan had to use his chances to keep his lover safe and hide the bet as long as possible. Lucas would hate him, he would leave him for good and that was a fact Nathan couldn't accept.

Lucas wiped the floor, it was a strenuous day and he was thankful for the long break with Nathan

_~ I don't know what I feel anymore. I love him with all my heart and I'm sure he loves me too but what if I'm wrong. What if he's a great actor and I'm too stupid to see it?_

_No, he loves me. He was out of his mind as she flirted with me. He saved me from the fall. He cares for me like a lover does. It's not an act. It's love!_

_Why me? He never liked me, he hated me. I'm the bastard of the family, an irksome intruder. Why the change of heart? You once said you got to know me and fell in love. Was it the truth?_

_How can I feel trust and distrust at the same time? It's insane. Either I trust him or distrust him but I can't go on with both feelings tearing on my heart._

_I'll see what the future holds for us. He'll continue to love me or he'll turn his back on me, either way I'm a goner._

_Either being in a relationship with Nathan including the nagging voice in my head or he rips my heart out of my chest and stomps on it._

_I lose either way._

_I have the feeling I have to chose between the plague and cholera ~_

"Lucas" Karen tapped on his shoulder, the blond winced. He didn't hear her approaching.

"Lost in thoughts again? I hope it's not a serious problem?"

"No mom nothing serious" he shook his head "Do you need my help?"

"No, it's time to go home" she took the mop out of his hand "Come"

Something was bothering her boy and she had a slight notion whose fault it was.

"Lucaaaaas" Haley pounced on him; she looked pale but a lot better than a few days ago.

He kissed her temple "How are you?" he studied her seriously.

"Better" she knew it was pointless to lie and say fine. He knew her damn well.

Lucas ruffled her hair "Great" he smiled. It was nice to see her again.

"Hey" she pouted and combed hair back down "I'm single I have to look pretty"

"You're a natural beauty you could wear a potato sack and look good in it" she punched his shoulder "Men" she sighed "incorrigible"

Nathan watched them from afar; it seemed they rebuild their friendship. He felt jealous; it was unfounded but disturbing nonetheless.

"Why do they look at you like you're the reaper himself?" Haley watched them.

"Rumors, you know" he didn't want to talk about it.

"annnd?" she raised a brow, waiting for an explanation.

"They say I whore around and fucked Nathan's girlfriend. That guy over there" he pointed at a burly boy "threatened to hurt me and almost picked up with Nathan's fist"

"He" she pointed with her thumb over her shoulder "but he has three girlfriends"

"Oh yeah he stumbled directly into a catfight after Payton made his secret public" Lucas laughed.

"Ouch, well he deserved it" she grinned "So Nathan protected your honor"

"Yeah he did. I was surprised. For one moment I was sure he had the intention to kill him"

Haley looked shocked, was Nathan in love with Lucas, for real? "Maybe you're right" she mused "He does love you"

"Yeah" she could see the affection he held for his brother in his eyes "Be careful" she looked him in the eye and stroked with her thumb over his cheekbone "when he makes you cry, I'll break his bones"

Lucas wanted to chuckle but realized that she was dead serious "Thank you" she smiled and left.

"What the hell was that?" Nathan grouched "Are you jealous again?" Lucas looked weary.

"Yes" the brunette rubbed the back of his head "I know, I know there is no reason and I won't make a scene"

"Good boy" Lucas patted his arm. He wanted to kiss the younger man but that was not the place for it. Nathan sensed his wish and placed two fingers over his own lips before he placed them on Lucas's cheek. The blond seemed so happy with the small gesture it melted Nathan's heart. Lucas could see the love in his lover's eyes and let go of his distrust it had no use to brood about his intentions. His heart made the decision for him and kept his mind in check.

_~ I'll take the chance whatever the outcome might be. My cheek is tingling_ ~

He touched his cheek and wished for Nathan's soft lips against his skin.

Lucas was on his way to the canteen as Skills bumped into him, taking him by surprise so he hit one of the locker with his shoulder "How often do I have to warn you to watch where you're going?" he hissed. Lucas looked at the ground and nodded he wasn't in the mood to pick a fight with his teammate.

"I'm talking to you" he grabbed his collar with one hand and gave Lucas a taste of his own medicine with the other arm "How do you like that? Being at my mercy this time" Lucas couldn't breathe. His heart hammered in his chest as panic crept through his body.

He struggled against Skills's iron grip "Le…o" Lucas tried.

"What do you say?" the boy smirked "I'll get what I want don't forget that"

The blond looked confused, there was more behind his anger as it seemed. Lucas knew it was something personal, he must have done something to make Skills hate him but he couldn't remember to have done something terrible. Skills let go of him as soon as they heard footsteps echoing through the hallway.

Lucas slid down the locker while he tried to breath. His neck was sore "Lucas?" Payton ran "My god Lucas what happened?" he tried to stand up. Coughing and gasping.

"Payton did you…..?" Nathan stared at the scene in front of him "Lucas" the few seconds he needed to reach his lover felt like minutes.

He cupped his lover's cheek and studied him, searching for injuries "What happened to your neck?"

Lucas wasn't able to answer, he tried but he couldn't make a sound "and you're a bit cold" Nathan shed his hoodie and put it around the blond. He rubbed his back to sooth him "We get you to the infirmary" Lucas shook his head and winced, pain shot through his neck.

"No" he croaked out "Okay, but if it does not get better in a few minutes I'll drag your ass to the hospital" the brunette sighed at the look of distress on his lover's face. Lucas nodded and cursed himself for the act "Ow" he mouthed.

"Come" Nathan put an arm around his should for support and Payton took his hand to reassure him that he was not alone.

"I get him something to drink" she hurried away.

"What happened?" Haley eyed him and pulled a fourth chair closer to the table "Sit down"

Lucas did as he was told "Thank you" it got easier to speak.

Nathan pulled his chair closer to Lucas and pupils be damned he put his arm around his shoulder and pulled him against his side. Lucas tried to struggle against his hold but gave up on his weak attempt.

Payton returned with a bottle of water "Drink" she ordered, Nathan helped to tilt his head back. The brunette cupped his neck and rubbed his thumb up and down his skin in a soothing manner "Better?"

"Yeah, thank you" he took a deep breath the pain lessened "I feel better" he forced a smile on his face.

"What happened?" Nathan looked ready to burst "Whoever did this to you will pay"

"Let it go" Lucas closed his eyes, he felt tired and shivered slightly. Nathan pulled him even closer "You're not cold anymore" he talked more to himself "I don't want to let it go. Someone hurt you pretty bad and I want to know who" the brunette continued.

"No Nathan" Lucas was stubborn; he wouldn't tell him what happened.

"So you let the person get away with this?" Lucas felt the anger leaking from every pore of Nathan's body "I can handle it on my own" the blond was sure.

"Oh yeah, I can see that" the brunette said sarcastically, Lucas huffed and stood up. Nathan was surprised "Lucas?"

"I go home" he said and turned to leave as Nathan grabbed his shoulder "I'm sorry. I didn't mean you're weak. I'm worried that's all"

"I know but I will do it on my own" he remained stubborn and left. Lucas searched for Skills and found him between all his friends and a few girls "Skills, we have to talk"

The young man eyed him and nodded, that would be interesting he thought. He gestured to follow him "So what do you want?"

"I want to know why?" Lucas stayed calm; it had no use to accuse him in any way.

"Why what?" Skills studied Lucas's throat, it looked painful. It wasn't his intention to lose control like he had.

"Why do you hate me so much? What have I done?" he took Skills by surprise, he expected a fight but not that Lucas gave himself the fault for his hate "You're in my way"

"In your way of what?" he pleaded "come on I liked you I thought we could be friends and then all hell broke loose"

"You're taking her away from me" he didn't want to say that but Lucas was so honest it was contagious. And they went already too far with their little game; Lucas's neck was the proof.

"Haley or Payton?" Lucas was surprised he hadn't expected that they fought over a girl.

"Payton" he looked sheepishly at him "I worked hard to get her attention but then she started hanging out with you and I want her back"

"You could have asked" Lucas smiled at him "We are not a couple and we'll never be"

"Sure" Skills didn't believe a single word he said.

"I know I will regret this" Lucas sighed deeply, Skills frowned at him "Skills I- I don't like women"

"What do you mean with I don't like women are you…. OH" the realization dawned on him "Ohhh"

"Yeah" Lucas looked like he would be grateful to die on the spot "Talk with her"

"You mean it" Skills stated "Why are you doing this? Do you want my pity?"

"No. I'm tired of all this shit" he looked angry "I have enough"

"I see" they definitely went too far with their game, he tried to lighten the mood "So you're a homo" he grinned.

Lucas sighed, all his anger, fading away "Yes"

"I never thought you uhm you know. The girls love you man. I can't believe it" he started to laugh "I was jealous of a homo, geez"

Lucas chuckled "It looks that way" he offered the young man his hand. Skills thought for a few second before he shook his hand "Peace?"

"Peace" Lucas confirmed "So how long are you in love with her?" the situation was too serious for his liking.

"Years" he looked embarrassed "The first time I saw her… It was like…"

"I know what you mean" he really did.

"Are you in love?" Lucas wasn't sure how to answer "Yes" he decided to be honest.

"Do I know him?" Skills smirked, Lucas was a nice guy. He always knew but his jealousy made him blind for reality.

"Maybe" Lucas smirked back "What was that?" they heard a soft brazen noise.

Skills ran into the direction of the noise but the part of school was empty "I think it was nothing" he returned to Lucas and hoped no one overheard them.

"I hope so" Lucas felt uncomfortable "What do we do now?"

"About the noise" Skills was confused "There is nothing we can do"

"I mean us" the blond wasn't sure what happened between them.

"We can't go back to normal all of a sudden we have to settle for a slower progress. People will start questions and watch us even more. I think we can spare us some trouble when we build a friendship or whatever we gonna be rather slowly"

"It's a matter of image again right?" It was more a fact than question.

"Yes" Skills answered truthfully "It's important to me what people think about me. I don't want to be less than I am"

"I make you less of a man" Lucas talked to himself "Why does everyone think I'm…" he stopped himself. His feelings were not Skills concern.

"You're what?" his teammate frowned.

"Doesn't matter" Lucas waved him goodbye and left.

"Strange boy" Skills muttered and went back to his friends.


	12. Crossfire

"Good evening. Is Lucas at home?" he couldn't calm down after their fight so he grabbed his car keys and drove to his house. It was almost midnight.

"What are you doing here?" he heard Keith's voice, he appeared behind Karen. She had called him after Lucas refused to talk about the bruises on his neck. She hoped a talk between men would help but Keith wasn't successful either.

"I have to talk to Lucas it's important" he swallowed his nervousness, Keith looked everything but happy to see him.

"Come in" Karen led him inside and pointed at the couch "Do you know what happened to him?"

"Was it you?" Keith hissed angry.

"No sir it wasn't me but I wish I knew who did this to him" Nathan shot back.

"Tell us what happened" he flopped down on the arm chair, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"We found him in the hallway, he couldn't breathe and his neck was red. Someone tried to strangle him or give him a scare I don't know. He refused to tell us who did this. He said he would take care of the matter and left" Nathan hated himself for not following his lover.

"He said he took care of it and we should stop worrying" Karen sighed, her boy was in trouble and she couldn't do anything against it.

"He did?" Nathan frowned, that was fast.

"Yes, at least that's what he says" she rubbed her forehead.

"Can I talk to him?" he wanted to see him no matter what.

"Yes he's in his room" Karen sighed; she hoped his lover was more successful.

Nathan rushed upstairs not bothering to knock. Lucas sat in front of his homework but it seemed he paid it no attention "What are you doing here?"

"I'm worried" Nathan stopped next to him and put his hands on his shoulders, slightly working the knots out of his stiff muscles.

Lucas enjoyed the contact "We are fine"

"The bully-boy and you?" Nathan hissed not believing his story.

"Yes. We talked and we made peace" Lucas tilted his head back to look into his lover's angry eyes.

"Isn't it too easy?" the brunette placed a kiss on Lucas's forehead "I mean he harassed you and with one talk" he snipped his finger "you're friends?"

"Not friends but we could be" the blond leaned back against Nathan's strong chest "I can continue the private war we're fighting if it makes you happy"

"Nooo" Nathan wrapped his arms around his older lover "No but promise to be careful don't trust him"

"I don't" there was no one he could put his trust on.

"Good" the strain left Nathan's body and he kissed him "Love you" Lucas smiled at him "I know"

"What the heck is going on?" a strong voice shouted from the doorway, Nathan let go of him as if burned "Keith" Lucas winced.

"What the hell are you two doing?" he fumed.

"I-We – uhm" Lucas was at a loss for words and hoped Nathan was able to say something cleverer than uhm.

"We kissed" he stated the fact "I'm not blind I know that" Keith roared "He's your brother. That's incest" Keith stared at Lucas.

"I know" he whispered "Nathan I think you should leave"

"I don't let you alone with him" Nathan gritted out. Lucas took his hand and dragged him to the front door "Leave" he ordered "Love you" he mouthed before he closed the door. Nathan knocked and begged him to open the door but without success. He left and prayed that Lucas would be okay. He rubbed his eyes, tears threatening to spill "Is a little piece of happiness too much to ask for?" he looked at the night sky.

Karen went into the kitchen to prepare some tea as she heard Keith shout. She dropped a cup "Damn it" she rushed into the living room and saw Lucas drag his lover down the stairs and out of the house.

"Keith calm down" she pleaded.

"Calm down? You're son has an affair with his own brother. It is a damn good reason to yell"

He stared at her, her face sad but not surprised at all "You knew" he realized.

"Yes I know what they're doing" she eyed him "How can you support them. It's sick, abnormal, to love your own brother"

She saw the hurt expression on her boy's face "Look at him Keith" he turned around "and what am I supposed to see?" he raged.

"Can't you see it" she frowned, how could he be so blind? "Nathan makes him happy" he didn't listen.

"How far did you go?" he glared at the boy "..go?"

Lucas remained silent for a while "Calm down, think of your heart" he worried. Keith's face was bright red.

"Don't change the topic. Did you cross the line or not?"

"There is no going back" Lucas lowered his gaze, he had enough.

"You did…God. Do you even know that you committed a crime?"

Lucas head shot up "He means everything to me. Our love isn't a crime it's a social rule we break but we don't hurt anybody"

"You hurt us. Me, your mother, Nathan" he shouted "Do you even think of her feelings before you fucked your brother?"

Lucas was speechless; he didn't hurt his mom, did he? Nathan was fine too, or not? "You mean I hurt you. You're against it and I have to give up everything for you"

"Don't speak in that tone with me young man" they stood face to face.

"You're not my father" Lucas stared at him wide-eyed, that was a low blow and he knew it. It wasn't his intention to hurt Keith that way. He always cared for him and helped in every way he could.

Lucas's words hit him like a punch to the guts and without realizing he slapped the boy.

The hurt look in Lucas's eyes pained him even more. Karen rushed to her son, tears staining her face "Leave!" she yelled at him "Karen I…"

"LEAVE" she shoved him away from her boy "Nathan makes him happy and that's everything I want. I'm happy when Lucas is happy. Nothing else matters"

He stared at them, she retuned her attention to Lucas "It's okay, hush" Karen took him into her arms "Go upstairs and try to calm down"

"Mom" he sobbed and clung to her for dear life "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he repeated again and again.

"There is nothing to be sorry for" she rubbed his back "and now go to bed, and take your meds" Karen whispered the last part "I follow in a few minutes, okay?" he nodded.

Lucas went upstairs his gaze glued to the ground ignoring Keith and the emotions he might see in his eyes. Disappointment, disgust, hate.

"Karen" he tried again but she lifted a hand to cut him off "I said leave or I call the police" her gaze was cold as ice.

Keith nodded and obeyed.

She closed the door and hurried upstairs to comfort her baby boy.

They lay together on Lucas bed, neither of them dared to talk about the evening.

Karen offered a silent kind of comfort, soothing caresses and a strong motherly hug.

Weeks went on and Lucas avoided Keith. The older man had tried to call him a couple of times and passed by their house but they never opened the door.

Nathan had spent the whole weekend with Lucas to make sure he would be fine but the brunette came to the conclusion that Lucas needed Keith but there was nothing he could do. Lucas and Keith belong together, they were family and he wished he could drag Keith back into their life.

He tried it once but it almost ended in a fist fight.

"Lucas, come on darling" Nathan packed a bag "I'm coming" the blond stepped out of the bedroom. He looked fine but Lucas always seemed fine even though he knew better than to believe it was true.

"Where are we going?" Lucas asked and eyed the bag.

"It's a surprise" Nathan had promised him a surprise and the blond would get it, two weeks late because of Keith but he would make the best out of it.

They drove for half an hour before they stopped near a huge field "I know the owner and she said we can stay as long as we want" Nathan explained. It was almost autumn; the sun shone but it was chilly.

Lucas studied the green area, the flowers and trees "It's a beautiful property" on the far end of the huge areal was the manor-house. It looked old "Who owns this place?"

"An old lady, she's living alone. Her kids don't give a damn about her but they're waiting like the vultures for her to die"

"Ah, inheritance parasites" Lucas shook her head, how could a son, or daughter, neglect their own family. Waiting for their mother to die. He would sacrifice everything for his mother.

"Yes. I met her one years ago. Her car broke down and I gave her a ride. We started to talk and she said that she was too old for most duties. So I visit her once a week, or every two weeks depends on what comes up"

"She must be lonely" Lucas mused, Nathan wrapped his arms around his lover "She has friends and I think she even has a new boy friend" the brunette chuckled.

"Good" Lucas hated it when people were all alone.

Nathan let go of him and grabbed the bag "Are you hungry?"

"Yes" the blond watched him work.

Nathan spread out a blanket and opened various containers "I hope you like it. I increased my cooking skills but your mom helped me, though"

Lucas settled down on the blanket and eyed the food "Look nontoxic"

"Hey, I gave my best" Nathan punched his arm "besides your mom knows how to cook"

"That's true" Lucas took a deep breath, enjoying the chilly air "I love you"

Nathan frowned at the sudden declaration of love "What brought this up?"

"You" the blond smiled at him, Nathan returned the smile "Now eat, you're so skinny"

"Skinny huh? I remember that you like me that way" he grinned.

"I do but you lost a few pounds and I don't like it when you neglect yourself" the brunette stroked through the soft blond hair.

"Point taken" Lucas leaned into the touch "Tastes good" he took a fork full of stew.

"Your mom said it's a receipt from her grandmother" Nathan was proud to know so much about family history. Since Keith made scene Karen tried even harder to accept him into the family as if she was scared he could leave Lucas because of his hateful words.

Nathan had no intention to leave "Yes it is" Lucas pulled him out of his musing.

"Are you ready to talk?" Nathan hated that Lucas bottled up his emotions.

"About Keith? Skills?Us?" Lucas looked weary; Nathan tried to coax him into talking for weeks now.

"Yeah" Nathan refilled Lucas's plate without to ask.

"What do you want to know?" the blond decided to give in or their relationship had no chance to survive.

"What did Keith say? It was hard to offer comfort without knowing what exactly happened after you threw me out" Nathan walked on eggshells around him, that included considering every move and thinking twice before he spoke.

"He said it's sick, abnormal and I hurt people around me, stuff like that" Lucas summarized; it made him physically sick to remember it.

That was harsh "He's wrong. It's not abnormal or sick. Our love is right" Nathan took the plate off Lucas's hand, the blond lost his appetite.

"I'm not so sure anymore" Lucas confessed, what if Keith was right?

"He needs time to understand" the brunette pulled Lucas onto his lap "He still loves you. I don't doubt his feelings for you"

"I hurt him" the blond snuggled against his lover's chest "I said he's not my father. It hurt him, a lot"

"He hurt you too" Nathan hated Keith for the way he handled the situation "and it was no reason to hit you" he saw the bruise Keith's hand on his lover's cheek. The bruise faded quickly but the emotional wound would need by far more time to heal.

"Maybe I deserved it" Lucas closed his eyes "No you don't" Nathan kissed the top of his head.

They sat there in silence for a long time, Nathan let Lucas fall asleep. He needed his rest; Lucas had nightmares every night since Keith broke his heart.

Nathan stroked through the blond hair "It's not fair that he didn't listen. Can't he see your happiness? Your mom must be angry as hell. Karen is frightening when she's angry" he chuckled to himself "I love you and I'll try to help as best I can. But I have to figure you out first. Your mom was right it's not easy to handle you and I doubt you can handle yourself and that's the problem. You take everything to heart; there are situations you don't have to give a damn about what's said like angry words spoken during a fight. I know it must hurt but do you think beating yourself up makes it better?"

"No" Lucas whispered interrupting his lover's soliloquize "but I can't let it go. He's like a father; I lost one father I don't want to lose him too"

Nathan finally understood "He's what Dan never was" he felt Lucas nod against his chest.

It was time to give Keith a call, a call couldn't end in a fist fight "I'm sure he gets a grip on himself and accepts the way you choose"

"I hope so" Lucas took a chocolate cookie "but I have you and mom. That's enough for now"

That was a lie but Nathan ignored it "Yeah" he kissed Lucas "You should eat cookies more often you taste even sweeter" the brunette liked his lips.

Lucas smiled at him "Kinky boy" he straddled his lover and initiated a passionate kiss.

They made out under the clear blue sky "You make my life worthwhile" Lucas panted in his ear "I like my life"

Nathan frowned he wasn't sure how to interpret what Lucas said "I like our life too"

"Thank you for the nice day" it was the first time in two weeks that he felt truly happy.

"You're welcome" Nathan grinned "We should go, it's getting cold" Lucas helped him up.  
>"Can I ask you a question?" Nathan stuffed the containers back into the bag "Shoot" Lucas folded the blanket "What did Skills say to make you so angry?"<p>

"He called mom a whore and he wanted to tell Dan a few stories about us" the blond said nonchalantly, one problem he had solved on his own.

"He WHAT?" Nathan fumed, that was low even for Skills "I'll break his bones"

"Don't worry" Lucas face lit up "We had a little chat and we came to the conclusion that we should stop our little war"

"He bruised your neck" Nathan's jaw dropped, how could he be so stupid? It was revenge for Lucas's tantrum at the cinema.

"It's forgiven and forgotten" Lucas warned, he was relieved Skills held his promise until now and he wanted it to remain that way.

"Okay" Nathan suppressed his anger "But next time he's a dead man" Lucas gave him a peck on the cheek "My hero" he joked. Nathan punched his arm "I mean it" he whined.

"I know you do" the blond gave him a sad smile he couldn't decipher "Let's go home"

Nathan nodded, there was so much going on in his lover's mind he did not understand.

"Lucas you should stay away from your locker" Haley grabbed his arm and tried to drag him away "Lucas, please" she didn't want him to see it.

"Haley, I have to. I need my books" he sighed "I get them for you" she begged.

Lucas shook his head and stopped in front of his locker "Great" he wished the ground would open up and swallow him. The word 'FAG' was sprayed in bright red letters on his locker.

"Lucas" Payton's smile faded as she saw Lucas's locker "Oh my god, who did this?"

"I don't know" he opened it and did as if nothing happened. Why was life so complicated? "Keep Nathan away from my locker" he whispered. Lucas wasn't sure how Nathan would react.

"Why?" he jumped at Nathan's voice behind him "No reason" he lied and didn't dare to close his locker.

"Don't lie to me" the brunette narrowed his eyes "Lucas" he warned.

Lucas closed the door and stepped aside. Nathan's eyes widened in shock "How…" he bit his lip, his mind racing. Did they know about him and Lucas? Did they know what they have done? Nathan was scared of the aftermath; it was a failure to go this far with Lucas. What would his father say?

"Nathan" Lucas asked carefully "It's not that bad. It's the truth anyway"

"How can you say that? What'll they think?" Nathan blurted out.

"Who? Dan? The team?" he could see the answer in his eyes "Ahh, I understand" Lucas grabbed his backpack and headed for the classroom.

Nathan kept his distance all day. He felt like everyone was staring at him.

Keith was right, it was abnormal what they shared "Hey Skills" he faked a smile and spent the rest of the day with him.

Training was even less pleasant. Lucas was already a wreck before it started "Hey don't stare at me" someone said as he headed for his locker. He tried not to listen.

"Stop right there" a voice echoed through the changing room "You can change when we are ready. Go or stare at your locker but don't you dare looking at us until we're dressed. Damn fag" Nathan continued to change. He had hoped Nathan would help him but he was alone.

Lucas sat down on a bench, staring at the ground

_~ Did you lie? I thought we could be friends, I knew I'll regret telling you._

_I want to go home._

_Are you disgusted now that they know what I am? Is that why you don't acknowledge my existence? I need your help … HELP ME ~_

He buried his face in his hands

_~ I hate my life. I was so happy three days ago and just when I thought my life gets better it comes crashing down on me._

_What did I do to offend you? Huh? They say you're merciful, that you look out for us humans. Am I not worth the effort? God, tzk. ~_

"You can get dressed" Skills put a hand on his shoulder after everyone else left "I swear I didn't tell them"

Lucas studied him "Okay" he turned around and started to change his clothes. Skills eyed him for a moment, he didn't tell them. He tried to find the culprit but without success.

Lucas punched his locker after Skills left "Damn it" he cursed.

The team stopped talking as he entered, they glared t him "Let's start" Whitey ordered.

"Lucas, catch the ball with your hands not with your head" Whitey knew it wasn't his fault but it was frustrating to watch him suffer.

"Give him the ball, damn it boy" his triad went on, Whitey was near a stroke.

"Hey fag, do you jerk off thinking about us or your brother?" Nathan's head shot up at the question. He watched his brother pale "Gotcha" the boy grinned at Lucas.

"Stop day dreaming" Nathan yelled and passed to Lucas, harder than he intended.

Lucas caught the ball almost too late. He stopped it only millimeters away from his face. His jaw dropped and he stared at his little brother in shock. Pain written all over his face.

Nathan looked as shocked as Lucas's it wasn't his intention to vent his frustration on his lover. It tore on his heart, he wanted to take him into his arms and sooth the hurt away but it wasn't possible. He couldn't take him into his arms or comfort him in front of others.

Lucas dropped the ball and went to Whitey, the others continued to play "Boy, I think it's time to end it" Whitey gave him a sad half smile. Lucas nodded; he stretched out his hand "Thank you for everything" Whitey took his hand "You're welcome. You know where to find me should you need my help"

"Yes sir" Lucas looked so sad he felt the urge to take him into his arms "I hoped I would quit without hating the game"

"You'll learn to love it again" he was sure "Now, go before training is over"

Lucas emptied his locker, he looked around the room and with a deep sigh he switched off the light. It was time to move on.


	13. Full of surprises

"Payton" Lucas called "Hey, how was training?" he winced.

"Not good?" she knew it couldn't be good "What did they do?"

"What everyone is doing today" he rubbed the back of his head "I quit"

"You did what?" she was surprised, Lucas and quitting basketball?

"It's pointless when they treat me like the plague" it hurt.

She took him into her arms "I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No" he shook his head "I have to go to work. I bet mom already knows what happened"

"I hope so than she can cheer you up" she hid a sob, life was not fair.

"See you tomorrow" he put his façade back in place and smiled. She knew better.

"Let her take care of you" he needed it. Lucas nodded and left.

Payton pulled out her mobile phone, she was angry and needed someone to talk so she called Haley.

"Lucas, come with me" was the first thing he heard as he entered the café.

He followed his mother into her office "I heard someone wrote fag on your locker"

"It's alright. I am a fag" he shrugged "No, it's not okay" she cupped his cheek "Do you have a hard time because of it?"

"I quit basketball today" he said as if it explained everything.

She was happy he quit but she wished he had quit under other circumstances "I'm sorry"

He was tired of all the I'm sorry' s, it didn't matter that they were sorry. Nothing would change "He doesn't like me anymore"

"Nathan?" she feared Nathan would chicken out when her son needed him most.

"He avoids me like the plague" he rested his head against his mother's shoulder. She closed her arms around him "He needs time to understand the situation"

"He's angry at me. It isn't my fault, it isn't…" his voice broke.

"No it isn't your fault" she wanted to hit the brunette for hurting her boy "He has to figure it out on his own. He's his old self in no time, you'll see"

"I hope you're right" he let go of her "Don't worry. They'll lose their interest in me and search for a new sensation" he smiled and gave her peck on the cheek before he started his duties.

Karen shook her head that was her boy. All hell breaks loose and he's laughing right into their face.

Nathan turned around in his bed; it was cold without Lucas by his side. He missed the blond terribly

_~ I love him but what if they notice our attraction? What if they think I'm gay too? Dan Scott's gay son is jumping his bastard brother. Oh yeah, dad would like that._

_He disowns me if I'm lucky. I can picture him with a barrel in his hand, shooting me for what I've done._

_I thought I never had to worry about our relationship but I was wrong. I don't want to choose between dad and Lucas. Whom would I choose?_

…

_I'm sorry Lucas. I really am!_

_I can't give up my family for you, I need my dad and I can't give up my social status. I can't play in the NBA when they know I'm gay. I have to be a good hetero and marry a pretty woman get one or two kids._

…

_And be miserable for the rest of my life…_

_That's the way I chose and I won't give my dreams up. It would be great to get all my dreams but life isn't fair._

…

_I miss you so much it hurt. It can't hurt forever; it has to stop one day._

_You have Karen and Keith, he will return once he knows we broke up and you'll be happy. You'll find new love and become a great author. I'll be there all the way, but only as your brother._

_It's the right choice, yeah it is ~_

He fell into an uneasy sleep. He wanted to believe in his choice but his heart had a different opinion. He dreamt about Lucas's sad shocked expression, his cheerful laughter, his drop-dead smile and his strong body. The feel of his touches and the warmth he provided him with. His mind overshadowed his heartbreaking memories with vicious comments. Fag, abnormal, sick echoed through his mind coupled with his father's disapproving face "What a disgrace!" hollered in his mind as the alarm clock beeped.

Payton and Haley picked him up "Morning sunshine" Haley linked arms with him.

"Morning. What are you doing here?" he frowned.

"You know why we are here" Payton took his other arm "Let's go"

"I don't need watch dogs" he sighed, he had no chance against them.

"We do it anyway" Haley grinned "I know" he smirked; it was nice to have friends.

"Do you have plans for this evening?" she rubbed his arm.

"Work" he said simply "Okay, we keep you company" Payton decided and gave him a 'don't dare to disagree with us' look. He sighed again "Great" he feigned.

"Do you hear that? He doesn't like us, his dutiful, recalcitrant watchdogs" Haley pouted but couldn't suppress a grin.

"Yeah" Payton joined her "We are so nice. We don't chew on your shoes, we don't pee in your backpack but we can eat your homework if you want to"

Lucas laughed, they were so adorable "No, no I was a good boy and made them, no need to eat them"

It was nice to hear him laugh "What kind of dogs are you?" he tried to imagine a suitable breed for them.

"I'm a bulldog" Payton said proud "Chewing and slobbering on everything I can get between my teeth"

"Ohh yeah I can picture it. Sitting on Skills chewing on his ass" he chuckled. Payton blushed furiously.

"I'm a Chihuahua" Haley beamed oblivious to Payton's blush.

"Chihuahua" Payton and Lucas said at the same time "Why?" Payton made a grimace.

"They're cute, you hide me in your bag and I can jump them before they even know I'm there, Oh and I'm really, really loud they flee before I get the chance to bite them" Lucas had a laughing fit. He imagined her, sitting in a purse, little pink ribbon on her head and waiting for someone to jump. He wiped a tear away "Definitely suitable"

"Told you so" her smile grew even bigger; Payton gave her a thumbs up.

Lucas was cheerful until they reached their destination, he sobered quickly.

"We're here, we take care of you" Payton whispered but he was too proud to show any weakness "I can handle it" he walked to his locker. The janitor cleaned it, there was no trace left of the bright red paint.

He opened it carefully, he was afraid they put a dead rat or the like in his locker but he was lucky.

"What happened" he heard Payton ask one of their classmates "Why are you crying?"

Lucas looked at the young girl; she was pretty and seemed to be utterly distressed "they accuse me of being a lesbian because I don't have a boyfriend. They say I'm scum, they say I'm abnormal, my friends avoid me and and …." She cried even harder. It was not hard to tell Payton what happened because she was Lucas's friend and Lucas was homosexual so it was safe for her to confess what weighed so heavy on her soul.

"Are you a lesbian?" Lucas put a hand on her shoulder; she nodded "I think so I'm not sure. I-I like boys but I had a crush on a girl a few months ago" she was bi Lucas realized, she was in the middle of finding her identity.

"Be proud" Lucas soothed "It's not a shame to be different. You have a beautiful soul, you'll find new friends. They're not worth your friendship; true friends respect you the way you are"

"That's true" Haley chimed in "You can hang out with us. We keep you safe as best we can"

"Thank you" she dried her tears "but I think I go home. I don't want to be here"

"Don't forget there are people who care" Lucas had a bad feeling, she nodded and fled.

Lucas felt the knot in his pit tighten "I have to go" he rushed to the principal.

"Come in" he looked up from a stack of papers "What can I do for you"

Lucas explained the situation and tried to remember every detail "and I think she's in danger"

"I don't think they will hurt her physically" the principal considered consequences.

"That's not it. I think she's a danger for herself. I saw the look in her eyes, sir. She is definitely in danger" Lucas stayed persistent.

"I'll call her mother" the principle had the feeling that Lucas was right and after the school shooting he wouldn't be surprised that a second student cracks under the pressure of their schoolfellows.

"Yes, please" Lucas almost begged, he was relieved that the principal listened to him.

"Go, you're late already" he gave the blond a gentle smile. The smile faded as Lucas left his office; he was worried about him and wondered how much more he could take before he cracked also.

Lunch was a real pain. Lucas felt them glare at him and Nathan did his best to avoid him.

It was lonely without him, he got used to his brother's presence during lunch.

"I miss him" he sighed and shoved his tray away "You have to eat" Haley chided, Lucas looked so thin even for his standards.

"I'm not hungry" he felt sick "What would I do without you"

"You would be bored" Haley grinned "That's true" he gave her a rueful smile.

"Like you said this morning, you are not alone" Payton patted his hand and shoved the tray back to him "and now eat or I pester you the whole day"

"You'll pester me anyway" he took a bite of his sandwich, fighting the urge to puke.

"Damn right" she grinned. Both girls had an eye on the surroundings. Nathan glared at them from time to time; Skills seemed to be bothered by something. The burly guy who gave Lucas a hard time eyed them. Payton felt uncomfortable "We should go"

"I don't want to hide because I am who I am. They have to live with it" Lucas was stubborn, he would not give in.

"I'm not sure if it's a good idea" Haley studied the room. It wasn't possible for Lucas not to feel the tension.

"I'm worried about Caroline. It's my fault she suffers so much" he forced himself to eat more of his sandwich.

"It's not your fault" Payton was outraged "I should have been more careful. Because of me they started a witch-hunt" he whispered seriously.

"Lucas" Haley sighed "You're not responsible for what they do"

"Are you sure?" he raised a brow "Of course I am sure" she stared at him, how could he think she held him responsible for his and Caroline's misery?

"I'm not" he felt guilty, for Caroline's misery, for Nathan's trouble, for hurting Keith and so much more.

"You'll get over it, you'll see" Haley tried her luck.

Lucas faked a smile "I need time" he was sure he would never stop loving him.

"It's always hard to break up with someone you love" Payton leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling "I remember the time I broke up with my first boyfriend. I was a wreck for weeks but now I'm fine and ready to love again"

"The first break up" Haley mused "I thought I'll never get over him but I did. I needed two months before I was ready to date again"

"Thanks ladies" Lucas looked amused "I feel better" maybe they were right.

The bell rang "Urg, English class" he muttered. The teacher was boring and the lesson provided too many opportunities to think and that was the last thing he wanted.

The team got ready for practice "Where's the fag?"

"I don't know where Lucas is" Skills replied not calling him fag, he owed him that much.

"He left" the raven haired boy changed his shirt "with Payton and Haley"

"What?" Nathan frowned, why should he leave, they had to practice for an important game.

"He will be banned to the bench shouldn't he show up in time" Skills closed his locker door "He's one of our best players we need him"

"Since when"

"I wanted him to stop causing trouble but I think we get a problem without Lucas on the court" Skills was surprised by Lucas's absence.

"I hate it when you're right"

"Seems we didn't consider the possibility as we agreed to the bet" Nathan slammed his door shut "He'll show up I'm sure. You'll see he strolls into the changing after we left"

"He does it often" Skills nodded. Secretly, wishing the blond was alright.

They waited for Lucas to appear but he didn't show up. They trained for the first time in weeks without vicious tricks.

Whitey watched them play too angry to say anything until the time was up "Enough for today" he yelled and packed his stuff.

"Coach" Nathan approached him, the team in tow "Where's Lucas?"

"What, you have to ask?" Whitey narrowed his eyes.

"Who skips training has to sit on the bench, that's the rule but we need him on Saturday" Skills interfered.

"You should have thought about it before you harassed him" he played with his pen.

"What do you mean?" Nathan asked saucer eyed.

"He quit" he stated.

"He what…? He can't…" they murmured

"He left the team for good. It took you longer than I thought to notice it" he left. His own team made him sick, he failed them. He didn't know when or why but he knew for sure he failed as a trainer.

"Seems we're dead even" the raven haired guy stated. "Fuck the bet" Nathan fumed "He can't leave like that"

"He can and he did" Skills pressed his lips together "We have to get him back, no matter what"

Nathan felt betrayed, he had no right to feel that way because he was the one who betrayed Lucas first but he couldn't change the way he felt.

He grabbed his stuff and drove to Lucas but no one was at home.

"Hey" Skills shoved him against his locker "Why did you quit?"

"You know the reason" the blond stated, struggling against Skills's firm grip on his collar.

"We don't let you go" Nathan interfered, his eyes burning with betrayal.

"It's not your choice to make" Lucas hissed, they wanted him gone and he left that seemed not good enough.

"The court. At 8.p.m. Don't be late" Skills let go of him.

"Lucas, are you alright?" Payton glared at Skills, the young man's cringed.

"I'm fine" he sighed, what the hell was he supposed to do? Going and being threatened like dirt or staying away and being harassed…

"What do they want?" Payton continued to glare.

"I'm not sure but I think they want me to stay and a game will decide the outcome" he collected his thoughts.

"We will be there" Payton promised.

Lucas tilted his head to look at her; he raised a brow "The whole school will be there"

Every time he thought it can't get worse something like that happened.

"Have you heard what happened to Caroline?" better she told him than anyone else.

His eyes widened "What happened?"

"She slit her wrist but her mother found her just in time. You saved her life" Payton admired the persistence he showed that day.

"Important is that she's alive" he suppressed the horror he felt; she tried to kill herself because of him.

"She has to stay in the hospital for a long time but I think she will be fine one day" Payton nibbled on her bottom lip.

"When will this end?" Lucas talked to himself.

"What do you mean?" she eyed him, he looked pale.

"The shooting. Caroline's suicide attempt. Where will it end?"

She had no answer, you were strong enough to endure the harassment or not. There was no way to say what would happen next.

He gave her a sarcastically smile, his eyes seemed to say 'you see'.

Lucas left, he wasn't in the mood to talk. He remained silent during lessons and hid during lunch. His friends were worried and frustrated but there was nothing they could do.

Lucas sat on a bench and waited for the team to come. He wanted to go home, crawl under his blanket and never wake up but he wouldn't give in so here he was, waiting for his downfall.

"We thought you'll chicken out" a brunette mocked.

Lucas glared and waited for them to explain why he was there "You can quit when you win the game, if you lose you come back" Skills said.

"And what if I don't want to?" Lucas was stubborn, his expression unreadable and strong.

"We will get on your nerves until you give in" Nathan grinned, Lucas attitude confused him and he felt the urge to reach out for him.

Lucas looked bored "Okay" he put off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He had to win no matter what even when it meant to die of a heart attack.

"You're playing against Nathan" Skills stated before he explained the rules.

Payton and Haley watched them. They tried hard to come up with a reason for Lucas not to play but without success.

What worried them most was Lucas condition, after fifteen minutes he seemed out of breath and paler than normal.

"Move your ass or do you want to continue playing for us?" Nathan mocked before he jumped, slam-dunk "I think you're losing"

Lucas didn't answer he was too busy to get air into his lungs, his heart hammering in his chest.

Dan passed by the court and noticed his son so he stopped.

He stood in front of the fence and watch them, the unfamiliar feeling he felt the first time he heard about Lucas condition returned but this time it was a lot stronger. Dan identified the feeling as fear. He was scared. Lucas's skin was white, sweat dripped down his forehead and he seemed to struggle for each breath he took. His movements were slower than normal; he could almost see the pain in his eyes.

"Hey" Dan yelled and hurried on the court.

He grabbed Lucas shirt right above his heart like Karen did when she was scared. He leaned forward and whispered into Lucas's ear "What the hell are you doing? Do you try to kill yourself? Come on"

Lucas stared at him in surprise, what the hell was his father doing here? "I – had…" he tried to answer "Hush" Dan felt the urge to protect him. He dragged the blond away and pushed him into his car.

The team and audience stared at them with open mouths and ridiculous surprised looks on their faces.

"What the fuck was that?" Skills frowned.

"Daddy takes care of the matter" a blond said and Nathan grinned. He felt a slight kind of satisfaction. It was time that someone showed him his place in life, there was no escape. No one could escape their fate. He learned it the hard way. He missed Lucas so much but it was not his fate to be happy with the love of his life.

Life reminded him the hard way where his place was. He had to be a hetero basketball star with a high status, and an approving father.

"Are you alright?" Dan stopped in front of his house "Do you need an ambulance?" he should have considered the hospital sooner but his mind seemed to work rather slowly.

"I'm fine, sir" Lucas wasn't as pale as before and his heart rate calmed down.

"Geez, boy. Your mother kicks my ass" Dan muttered under his breath "Come" he led Lucas into the house "Sit down"

Lucas chuckled "What's so funny?" the older man asked irritated.

"You sound like mom" the blond said sheepishly, the older man could be frightening.

Dan sighed deeply "I'm your father after all"

Lucas stared at him in shock "What?"

"Genetically, I am" Dan poured himself a drink and searched for a bottle of water for Lucas.

Lucas nodded and took the bottle "Thank you"

"You're welcome" he slumped down on the couch "What was that all about?"

"I quit basketball and they don't accept my decision" Lucas explained.

"I see" he took a sip "They don't know about your heart?"

"No" the blond shook his head "and they'll never know"

Dan nodded "You're a strange guy"

"Yes, sir" Dan was right, people called him strange rather often.

"Stop with the sir. I'm not a drill sergeant" he nagged.

Lucas nodded "Why did you help me?" he didn't understand why Dan cared.

"I don't know" he gulped his drink down.

"Thank you for saving me" Lucas was indeed thankful.

"You're welcome" he wasn't sure why he dragged the young man away.

"I thought you would be happy if I die" Lucas wasn't sure why he said what he said; his tongue seemed to have a life of its own.

"It's no secret that I never wanted you and maybe, there was a time I wished you to hell but you're an adult now. I don't want your death"

"So I should have died as a child" hurt flashed through the most beautiful blue eyes he ever saw.

"No" Dan was shocked, children shouldn't die. They had a right to live "I don't see you as a son and I can't say that I love you but I don't want to bury you" that was the truth.

"At least one person" Lucas muttered, Dan almost dropped his glass "What?" he frowned.

"So why am I here?" Lucas changed the topic with a big fake smile on his face.

"I don't know. Let's say it was intuition" he stood up to refill his glass.

"I should go, mom will freak out when she hears about the incident" Lucas stood up.

"She doesn't have to know" Dan looked at him "Mom knows everything, it's almost scary sometimes" Lucas chuckled.

"See you next Friday" Dan held up his glass, why the hell did he invite him? He asked himself.

Lucas looked confused "Next Friday same time, I would like to talk to you once more"

"Okay" the blond answered, unsure of his father's intention.

"And Lucas?" Dan called as he opened the door to leave "Tell them it's my fault you'll never play again. Tell them I paid you, scared you, blackmail you… say whatever you want. But don't play" it was an order.

Lucas nodded and left. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

He had a lot to think about. He couldn't understand why Dan was so nice to him, nice in his own freakish way.

Dan was confused about his own behavior, he was used to hate the boy but it wasn't easy once you talked to him. His eldest was in trouble and he would fix it "Why do I want to fix it?" he put his glass down and took the bottle. He needed a drink and much time to think.


	14. Paternal role

"Lucas" his mother yelled, he winced.

"Hi mom" he put his backpack down "How was your day"

"Ohh no" she crossed her arms over her chest "What did you think, playing basketball without Whitey's protection?"

"I had no choice" he took a cup "Either play or they continue to harass me"

"It was dangerous" she understood his way of thinking "you could have died"

"I didn't" he stated, taking juice out of the fridge.

"What's next time?" she was worried beyond words.

"There's no next time" he put the bottle of juice back into the fridge "Look, mom. I can take care of myself. I decide when my time has come. Not the team, not you nor Nathan"

She was speechless what happened to her boy? He was so in love with life but it seemed he was everything but in love with life.

Lucas put his cup down; approaching his mother "I take care of myself. I promise" he pulled her into a hug.

"You better do or you'll be grounded for the next fifty years" she enfolded her arms and put them around Lucas.

"Deal" Lucas grinned "I can smell soufflé" he sniffed "I'm starving"

She chuckled "I heat it up for you"

"What happened after Dan dragged you into his car?" Haley looked worried.

"We talked" Lucas couldn't suppress a little smile.

"Thank god. We thought he kills you and dumps your corpse somewhere" Payton laid a hand above her heart.

"Nope. I'm still very much alive" he poured a chemical into the test tube.

"You should have seen their faces. Like the devil himself dragged you into hell" Haley shuddered.

"Hell" Lucas grinned "It was nice. We talked and he had no intention to send me into hell"

"Dan? Nice? Did you hit your head?" Payton looked disgusted.

"I like it to talk to him even when he insults me. He's my dad after all" he loved him but he wished he could have both, Dan and Keith. He missed his second father. Because of his stupidity he lost him too.

"You're too nice for your own good" Payton sighed, pouring a second chemical into the test tube.

"I know" Lucas smiled, the first genuine smile in weeks.

"Join us" Nathan waited for him in the hallway "You can't quit"

"I can and I did" Lucas wanted to touch him.

"Don't be an ass" Nathan sighed, the hallway was empty.

"Why is it so important?" the blond asked hopefully.

"We can't win without you, you're one of our best players" the brunette explained.

"That's all?" he waited for the answer.

"Yes" Nathan wanted to kiss these soft lips "We made a mistake and we're sorry"

"So that's it? The team made a mistake and you believe I come back?" Lucas was angry.

"Everything we can do is to say how sorry we are" Nathan's heart ached.

"Do you want me back?" blue eyes glittering with anger.

"You're a great player" he stated.

"That was not the question" Lucas came closer.

"We are brothers and that's all we should be… brothers" Nathan hated himself.

"Brothers" Lucas mumbled before he pulled Nathan into desperate kiss. He hoped for a reaction but Nathan had a strong will "I have my answer" the blond let go of him and left.

Nathan didn't kiss back and the fact broke Lucas heart, it was a game all along but he had hoped Nathan had loved him. He was mistaken.

Nathan touched his lips, he missed the tingling feeling. He wanted to kiss back with all his heart and took all of his self-control not to kiss back. It wasn't right and Lucas would understand it, one day. The brunette wasn't able to get rid of the nagging voices in his head every time he looked at his brother.

Lucas ran until he was out of breath he had to get out of there. It didn't matter if his mom bitched about skipping classes. He couldn't stay.

_~ Where did it go wrong? I should have seen it coming._

_New dreams Lucas, new dreams. For every dream you lose make a new one…_

_I can't! I can't replace him with someone else. His beautiful eyes, his gentle face, his strong hands against my skin._

_I want him back, I have to convince him that it doesn't matter what people think._

_He can't hide his true self forever._

…

_I have to stop to deceive myself. He doesn't love me. He never did. It was a game and he used his chance. I offered too much, I should have stayed away from him._

_Why didn't I listen to my mind instead of my heart? Love makes blind._

_What am I supposed to do now? I can't look at him without the need to take him into my arms. I can't stand his voice, it's sending daggers into my heart._

_I have to move on but how?_

…

_I gave my heart to him and there is no chance to get it back._

…

_I lost myself along the way … ~_

Lucas avoided him as best he could. Payton and Haley helped him to stay out of the brunette's way. Skills and two players of the team approached him during the week. They tried to convince him to return but he said he made a deal with Dan and wasn't permitted to play again. They believed him but swore to convince Dan to break the deal they made.

Skills wanted him back because he was a good player, the other members of the team wanted him back because of the bet. They were tied on points and that was an unsatisfying fact.

It was Friday and Lucas was on his way to Dan, hoping not to meet Nathan on his way.

"Hey" Lucas smiled as Dan opened the door and led him into the living room.

"How are you?" the older man sat down on the couch. Placed on the table was a glass of alcohol for himself and lemonade for Lucas.

"Fine" he lied, Dan looked right through his façade.

"How are you? Don't lie this time" he repeated.

"I felt better" the blond looked onto the ground.

"What happened?" he nursed his glass, eying the boy carefully.

"I think you heard about me being gay?" it was rather a fact than a question.

"Yes" he almost got a stroke as one of his peers congratulated him for being the father of a fag. He wanted to hit that guy but that would have been bad for his business.

"They don't like me that much at the moment" Lucas looked up at him.

"Your schoolmates?" Dan asked even though it was obvious.

"Yes" the blond sighed and leaned backwards in his chair "they harass me even more than before"

"How long do they harass you?" he was truly interested in his son's life.

"Since the first day" Lucas nibbled on his bottom lip, a nervous habit Dan realized.

"What does the principle say?" Dan was surprised he thought Lucas was the kind of guy everybody loved.

"There's nothing he can do" Lucas explained "but they started to keep an eye on me because of my heart. Mom made sure of that"

"Your mother can be very persuasive" he remembered the young and strong willed girl he fell in love with "but I heard you can be as persuasive as her"

"What do you mean?"

"Caroline. I hear a young man pestered his principal until he send someone to check up on her" pride bloomed in his chest, his boy saved a life.

"It was my fault so I had to protect her. But I failed"

"I'm sure it wasn't your fault" Dan frowned; Lucas wasn't a boy who hurt people willingly.

"They hurt her because of me, if I had been more careful they wouldn't have noticed that I'm gay" his eyes watered.

"It's not your fault" Dan put his glass down "They searched for victims and they found them. This time homosexuals, next time social deprived students and when they're bored they pick on geeks again. You can't change it. Most humans are mean"

Lucas smiled weakly "I wish I could"

"I know" the older man refilled his glass "What does Nathan say?"

He was surprised as Lucas paled and a scared look crept on his face "Lucas?"

"He avoids me" he said finally "He keeps his distance because I'm scum"

"Did he say that?" that was not the way he raised him.

"No, but he doesn't need to" the crestfallen look on his son's face ached. It wasn't the look of an abandoned brother it was the look a broken lover wore.

"I see" he had a bad feeling about it "Do you love him?" Dan gave him an irritated look.

Lucas almost dropped his glass and put it down before he could drop it "I-I have to go" he hurried to the front door but his father was faster. He opened the door a few inches before a large hand slammed it shut "Let me go" Lucas pressed his back against the door there was no escape route.

Dan raised his hand, Lucas closed his eyes and waited for the impact but what happened next shocked him more than the slap he expected. His father cupped his neck and led him back to the living room. They sat down again "So you're in love with your brother" he said after a while.

Lucas nodded still not sure what to expect "How long?" his father glared.

"Always" Lucas whispered "Does he know you love him?"

No answer "I take it as a yes" he concluded as Lucas blushed.

"Are you… you know" he gesticulated with his hand.

"Not anymore" Lucas avoided his gaze.

"What happened?" he was astonished how the boy he hated for so long softened his heart.

"He's scared people think he's gay when we continue to hang out together" it hurt to say it out loud.

"Stupid kid" Dan sighed, his face softened "He will realize what an idiot he is. Just you wait"

Lucas was at a loss for words, why was Dan so nice to him? He couldn't possibly accept his relationship with his brother?

Dan stared at him "I'm not mad. It's my fault anyway"

"How's that?" the blond wondered.

"I denied you your place in my family. You never learned to love him like a brother. You fell in love with the stranger you knew from pictures but not with the brother you should have grown up with"

"I thought you break my neck for loving him" Lucas confessed.

"I'm not okay with it but I will not stand in your way either" he stared at the ember liquid in his glass "I regret how I treated you. Like you said you're the reminder of my shattered dreams. I can't stop thinking about what you said"

"I shouldn't have said that. I have no right to level criticism against you. It's not my life" Lucas was ashamed of the way he reacted. He wasn't fair.

"But it is" Dan corrected him "You are my son. You should have been a part of my life but I abandoned you. I demanded an abortion and I left your mother because she loved the little one inside her womb. I married the next best woman I got because she had money, I didn't need to worry about money anymore. I knew with her help I could effort to get a child. I got the chance to achieve a higher status. I sacrificed you and your mother for a dream. I don't think it's wise to replace dreams"

Lucas listened to him in awe. A heart to heart with his father was something he never dreamt of. For one moment he believed he'd gone insane, sitting in an asylum drugged to the eyeballs and dreaming or he died and ended up in paradise.

It was so unlike Dan Scott to apologize and it was absolutely unusual that he talked so openly about his feelings. Lucas pinched himself, the pain was real so he was still alive and in Dan's house.

"Why do you tell me all that?" he waited for the final blow which never came. Dan was honest and didn't intent to take advantage of Lucas's vulnerability "I had a lot of time to think about what you said and as little as I like it, you were right"

"I scared you last week" Lucas realized, the way his father clung to his shirt, the troubled expression he wore for the rest of the evening.

Dan remained silent but gave him a little nod before he hid half his face behind his glass as he took a sip. The young boy indeed scared him, he told himself over and over again that he felt nothing for Karen's child but that was not true. He didn't love him, not yet, but it scared him that he could if he wanted to. A bad father that's what he was. Love was something he couldn't express, that was the main reason Nathan left but it was different with Lucas. The boy made him feel human. He pursued Lucas's development over the years, for selfish reasons of course, and not once he heard complaints about his behavior or character. People said, and still say, he's helpful, loyal and kind. He was so like his mother it hurt.

"I meant it as I said I don't want you to die" he answered finally.

"I'm sorry" Lucas smiled at him, happiness shone in his eyes.

Dan sighed, the boy was on his best way to worm his way into his heart "Nothing to be sorry for. My feelings took me by surprise that's all"

"I'm surprised we get along without killing each other" Lucas half joked.

He coaxed a soft smile out of his father "Yeah" the older man was surprised too.

It was strange how fast their relationship developed but it was definitely not negative.

"Next Friday? Same time?"

Lucas thought it was a onetime thing "I'd love to!" he blushed at how enthusiastic he sounded. Dan seemed not to mind his little outburst "Take care of you" he ordered before Lucas bid goodbye.


	15. Paternal love

"Hey" Nathan's voice appeared behind him.

"Hello" Lucas continued to shop for CD's, ignoring the brunette.

"Lucas" he touched Lucas arm, the blond jerked his arm away as if his touched had hurt.

"What do you want?" Lucas avoided his gaze.

"I want to talk" Nathan looked insecure.

"No" Lucas didn't want to hear his excuses, his lies.

"Please" the brunette grew desperate, he needed Lucas by his side "I need my big brother" Lucas thought his little brother would start to cry.

"Why?" the blond shrugged "You don't need me, you made it clear there is no place for me"

"I was wrong" he wanted so much to take the blond into his arms "I can't be your lover but please, be my brother, my friend"

"I can't be your friend but I can be your lover and brother" he changed Nathan's words.

Lucas couldn't accept his friendship, not a second time "I love you, I always will but I can't be your friend it hurt too much to be near you"

Nathan lost all self control and cupped Lucas's cheeks pulling him into a heated kiss.

Luckily no one was around apart from the security cameras "No" Lucas gasped "Don't do that to me"

"I-I'm sorry I don't know what got into me" Nathan stuttered. What had he done? He swore to leave his past behind.

"But I do" Lucas pressed his lips together "and you know it too. You can't treat me like the plague and kiss me when no one's around"

"Can I treat you to dinner?" Nathan tried a new tactic.

"No" Lucas resisted.

"I won't give up on you" the brunette looked at him like a kicked puppy. A searing pain shot through Lucas's body, he had to get away before he did something he would regret deeply.

"Do us both a favor and let it be" Lucas returned his attention to the CD's.

Nathan brushed his hand against Lucas's back before he left. The gentle touch sent shivers down his spine. He strolled through the record store for half an hour, not really paying attention to anything, as a CD caught his attention. He bought it and left, he had a date with Payton and Haley. They decided he needed distraction so they persuaded him to go to the cinema and then to Karen.

The evening went smoothly, they watched the movie. He girls picked a comedy to lighten Lucas's mood and then they visited Karen at work.

It was a relaxing evening until he bid the girls goodbye.

Three bullies were waiting in front of his house but it was already too late to flee by the time he spied them.

"Hey fag" a blond said, Lucas turned around and bumped into Chris, school thug number one.

"We want to chat a bit" Chris said with a frightening grin on his face.

"My friend here has a crush on you and we thought you could help him out of his misery"

Lucas eyes widened in horror "Sorry but I'm not interested"

"Doesn't matter" Chris punched him, grabbing his harms before he could sink to the ground.

He turned him round and held him close "Your turn buddy" Lucas heard him say and tried to struggle. The third guy punched him in the stomach and the air left Lucas's lungs, he coughed and suppressed the urge to puke "Let me go" he gasped but no such luck. The blond approached him slowly, licking his lips.

Lucas pulled his strength together and fought with all his might against them but Chris was too strong "No" he yelled but Chris put his hand over his mouth so no one heard his plea.

The blond licked his neck, touching him everywhere. Chris laughed at him. Just as the blond guy started to jerk himself of while touching Lucas's groin they heard a noise. They let go of him and fled but not before they gave him one last kick to the ribs as he lay on the ground.

Lucas stared at the night sky, he felt sick and dirty. He needed some time to collect his thoughts. He searched for his mobile phone and dialed the first number which popped into his mind.

"Scott" the voice answered the call.

"I need your help, please" Lucas voice was so neutral it scared the man on the other side of the line.

"Where are you?" he asked worried.

"Home" Lucas whispered before he dropped his phone, he wanted to crawl into hole and die.

The blond pulled his strength together and sat down in front of the front door, staring on the ground.

Fifteen minutes later a car stopped in front of the house and he could hear footsteps "Lucas?" he studied the young man. Battered and bruised "Come" he offered his hand "Come on baby boy" he repeated as Lucas continued to star at his hand.

Lucas reached out and took the hand "Thank you sir" Dan put an arm around his son to steady him. Dan wasn't able to answer; he was angry beyond words and forged out plans for the attacker.

Dan sat on a hard plastic chair waiting for the doctor who took Lucas away forty minutes ago.

"Mr. Scott" he heard a soft voice he looked up to see a young nurse "Dr. Richards wants to see you"

Dan nodded and followed her into a small room "Mr. Scott" they shook hands "I'm Dr. Richards"

"How is he?" it wasn't the place for unnecessary courtesies.

"He has a fractured rib and bruises. It's nothing to worry about" the doctor stopped.

"But?" there was definitely a huge but.

"They assaulted him sexually. They didn't rape him, seemed like they got disturbed but I can't say how deep his psychological wounds run. He should contact a psychiatrist" Richards explained.

"Can I see him?" Dan asked not interested in more information, he felt sick enough.

"Follow me" the doctor led him to his son. Bruises were flashy against his pale skin and his gut clenched at the sight "Hey Lucas" Dan touched his arm slowly. Lucas winced but accepted the comfort his father offered.

"Can I go home?" Lucas eyes were dull, missing the sparkle of life they normally hold.

"He's free to go but he has to take it easy for a few days" Dr. Richards answered.

"I'll take you home, baby boy" Dan helped him up and led him to the car. He helped Lucas into the car and fastened his seat belt "Ready?" Dan asked to make sure Lucas was as comfortable as possible. The blond nodded and Dan closed the door, ruffling Lucas hair before he did so.

"Who did this to you?" he needed to know.

"Chris and his friends" Lucas almost choked on his words, he knew his father would continue to ask until he got his answer.

"Schoolmates?" Dan offered yes and no questions.

"Yes"

"Ruffians?"

"Yes"

"Do you know his last name?"

"No" Lucas was tired and wanted nothing more than to crawl into his bed and hide under his blanket for the rest of his life.

Dan would call the principal and a few other people first thing in the morning. He would crush them, drag them to the court or destroy them with his own hands. He wasn't sure which one he preferred.

"Will you be alright?"

"I don't know. Maybe" the blond closed his eyes "Don't tell mom" he whispered sleepily.

Dan stopped talking to grant his son the rest he needed. He stopped in front of Karen's house. The lights were off "She's working overtime again" Dan talked to himself before he got out of the car to help Lucas into the house.

"Wake up" he shook his son gently "You're home"

Lucas opened his eyes and with a sigh he got out of the car. Dan led him to the house, closing his eyes for a short time as he spied droplets of blood on the ground. Lucas's blood, he swallowed the lump which formed in his throat.

He opened the door and helped him up the stairs "Where are your pajamas?"

Lucas pointed at a drawer.

Dan took a warm and comfy pair and helped his son change, studying every bruise and scratch. "Good night" the older man tucked him in, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead.

He watched him for a while before he left.

"Lucas wake up" Karen strolled into his room, it was unlike Lucas to ignore his alarm clock.

She dropped the papers she held in her hand "Oh my god" she yelled and startled him.

He winced as he tried to sit up and focus on his mother; they gave him the good stuff the night before "Don't freak out mom"

"I have every right to freak out, what the hell happened to you?" she was close to tears.

"I ran into bullies. The doctor said I'll be fine in no time" he faked a smile to soothe her.

"Who? Who did this to you?" she sat down next to him, not sure if it was safe to touch him.

"I don't know it was dark" he knew she would put all her strength into it and decided it was better to leave her in the dark.

"Ohh, Lucas" tears ran down her face "Why you? Why is it always you?"

"I don't know" he asked himself the same question for years "It's nothing I can't handle"

She sobbed "It's not fair" she whispered and closed her eyes.

Lucas moved carefully and put his arms around his mother. He needed her close "It will be fine"

Karen cried harder, her son did it again. Offering her comfort the time he needed comfort the most she felt as if she failed him.

"I should be the one offering comfort" she whined, it was her duty as a mother.

"You're here that's enough for me. Everything I need is to know that you're here" that was the truth.

"I'm here, mommy will always be there for you" her heart hurt.

"I know" he rubbed her back "I know"

"Go back to bed and I prepare breakfast and call school" she kissed his forehead. It reminded him of a dream he had last night. Dan kissing him goodnight.

Lucas nodded "Love you mom"

Karen helped him lying down "Love you too. Never doubt that" she stroked through his hair.

She waited a few minutes before she dared to leave the room.

The call was nerve-wrecking, the principal told her there was nothing he could do, it happened after school and as long they didn't do it on school grounds or during lessons he had nothing to do with it. But he promised to keep his ears open. She hung up with a 'fuck you' and hurried into the kitchen. Karen closed the drawer with an aggressive 'bang' "Damn it" she cursed slamming eggs into the pan "There's nothing I can do" she muttered. She supported herself on the table, taking deep breaths "When will this nightmare end?" Karen couldn't take it anymore. Her boy was suffering more than ever and there was nothing she could do. She never felt so helpless, and alone, before. Not even after Dan left her alone with her baby boy.

Nathan had hurt him, Keith had hurt him, Dan had hurt him, Haley had hurt him, school wasn't a cake walk either. She racked her mind to find a way to fix the mess but what could she do?

Karen took a deep breath and continued her task.

"Hey" Karen entered with a tray in her hands "I made scrambled eggs and toast" she forced a smile on her face.

"Thank you" Lucas sat up and took the tray "How did it go?" he asked.

"Not so well" she rubbed her face.

"Guessed so" the blond chuckled "I heard you course. Did you really said fuck you?"

Surprised by the amused look on her son's face she answered with a grin "He deserved it"

"Sure" he winced as the smile tugged on his split lip "Geez that hurts"

"I know but it will fade" she rubbed his arm, not sure how to act around him.

"What are you thinking?" he could practically hear the conflict in her head.

"We should move" he was surprised "What?"

"You're not happy here" she spread her arms to empathize what she just said.

"But I don't want to move" he blinked.

"They will continue to hurt you" she explained.

"We can't move until we find a school with open minded students" he smiled ruefully "What if the next school isn't different or the school after that?"

He was right but she had to do something "You're not happy"

"I'll move on everything I need is time. And what's with you? You are happy! You have friends, you love your job … and you have Keith" he wouldn't let her sacrifice a life she loved for him. He had destroyed her dreams the day he was conceived he wouldn't take the life she loved too.

"You're more important" she said in a gentle tone.

"Mom, be selfish, once in your life chose what's right for you" he begged "I'm almost an adult; I'll go to university and live my own life. Where does it left you? … You'll be alone in a town you don't even like. Everything you had will be lost"

He was right, a few years and he would leave and she would be alone but her son was important too. It was a hard decision "I don't know"

"Let's make a deal" he took her hand "We wait for a few months and if my life continues to go south we move"

She thought about it and nodded, hoping it was the right decision "Okay"

Lucas continued to eat, his mind wandered back to the previous evening.

"Where is Lucas?" Payton asked "I don't know. I'm worried. Something is wrong I can feel it in my guts" Haley looked troubled.

"What's with you girls, you look as miserable as sin" Nathan interfered.

"What do you want?" Haley hissed, clenching her fist.

"I wondered where Lucas is?" he eyed her fist.

"We don't know and even if we did we wouldn't tell you" Payton shoved him away.

The girls strolled down the corridor, searching for Lucas.

Nathan frowned "Where are you?" he followed them.

"Stop following us" Haley hated him so much was clear.

"I want to find him too" he wanted to gain his friendship.

"You can't stop, can you?" Payton glared "You hurt him; you abandoned him because you're scared of what people might think"

"I-I…" he was at a loss of words.

"Yeah that's the problem. I..I… I! What's with him, huh?" she raged.

"He has to understand that we have no future" he wished they had.

"He loves you and we thought you love him too. You promised him a forever, you promised to stay no matter what but you turned your back on him at the first sign of trouble. You should have thought about the consequences before you made promises you didn't intend to keep" she slapped him, followed by Haley. The brunette looked shock. He knew they wouldn't welcome him with open arms but he hadn't expected to be hit.

"Payton…" he started as four police officers entered school. The students looked frightened; no wonder after the last time the police had to interfere.

The principal welcomed them and led them further into the school building.

"Oh god" Haley was scared "not again" Payton took her hand "Don't worry"

Nathan's gaze followed them "I think it's safe for us, whatever they're here for has nothing to do with a shooting spree"

They waited for ten minutes, no body dared to move. The hallway was full of nosy students by the time the officers returned with three schoolmates in tow.

One of the officers enlightened them about their rights "We're innocent" Chris struggled "Let us go" he yelled, locking eyes with Nathan for two long seconds. A cold shiver ran down his spine. Chris's eyes were hard and cold, full of hate.

"What did they do?" Haley squeezed Payton's hand "I don't know, Haley, I don't know"

The principal watched his students and asked himself how far they would go. What else had to happen before they stopped?

Karen's angry voice still rang in his ears. She begged him to protect her son but he couldn't. He couldn't safe him, none of them. He hated himself for that.

Ten minutes after Karen's call he received a call from Dan Scott. He was shocked to have him on the phone. For one moment he was afraid Nathan had something to do with what happened but he was even more shocked as he heard the real reason for his call.

He sought protection for his oldest son; he even used the word son as he spoke about Lucas.

The older Scott had yelled at him and he was relieved not to be in the same room as him. He was sure Scott had hit him or worse. He told him what he had told Karen and triggered off his wrath. It wasn't his choice, his hands were tied. The principal was bound to the law. With a heavy sigh he went back to his office.

Haley and Payton stopped by Karen's house after school "Karen? I thought you work at this time?" Payton was confused as she opened the door.

"Not today" she sounded so resigned.

"Is Lucas home?" Haley wanted to tell him about the police.

"Yes" Karen invited them in "Lucas wake up" they watched a movie in the living room.

"Be careful …. Slowly … good….. okay?" Karen soothed him while she helped him up.

"Did Chris do that to you?" Haley blurted out, she kneeled down in front of him.

"You know…" did everybody know what happened to him?

"The police arrested him and two friends this morning. They dragged them out of school" Haley placed a hand on his knee.

"What did they do to you?" he was relieved Payton asked the question. No one knew what they did, for now.

"Beat the shit out of me" he stated the obvious.

"Why?" Payton couldn't understand why a kind guy likes Lucas got into a fight.

"What do you think?" he looked up at her.

"Your sexuality" she whispered, Karen fled into the kitchen.

He nodded with a sad smile "They used their chance to seek trouble and I was the perfect victim"

"I'll kill him" Haley clenched her fists "I hope they go to jail, for a long time"

Lucas remembered that Haley said they got arrested, who called the police? He didn't report them to the police. Dan! He realized.

"The police will take care of them" Lucas shifted to find a more comfortable position.

"Will you be fine?" Payton sat down next to him.

"Bruises and a cracked rib, nothing to worry about" except from his sense of honor.

"Sounds painful" Haley shuddered.

"Hey girls do you want to watch a movie with us?" Karen carried a tray with snacks and drinks. She wanted to stop the conversation about what happened, her goal was to give him one evening of peace and love.

"I'm going out mom" Lucas yelled through the house, Karen was in the bathroom and got ready for work.

"We're you going?" she yelled back, she hated it when Lucas left the house without her or friends.

"A friend" he tied his shoelace "Do I know him?" she entered the living room.

"I don't think so" he didn't look up; his mother could read him like an open book when he wasn't careful.

"I don't like it" she studied him.

"Don't worry. It's the safest place on earth for me" he smiled at her "at least, I feel safe when I'm with him"

"A new boyfriend?" she raised a brow.

"No" he shook his head, sadly "Only a friend" she believed him, it was nice to know Lucas had someone he could run to when she wasn't around.

"See ya mom" he kissed her cheek "Take care" she ordered.

Lucas stopped in front of Dan's house, he wasn't sure what to expect after their last meeting.

He knocked "Hi" Lucas said and offered him a smile.

"Come in, baby boy" Dan's expression was softer than normal. Lucas remembered Dan calling him baby-boy at the hospital but like the kiss he thought it was a dream. He was so high that night that he didn't even know how he got home.

"Sit down, Lucas. That's detective Bennett" he pointed at a police officer in his mid forties.

"Why is he here?" Lucas thought he was going to panic.

"We need your statement to what happened" the detective explained "We can't punish them without it"

"Lucas we try to prevent a testimony in front of a judge but therefore we need your version of what happened" Dan added "I'm serious Lucas. I'll do everything to prevent a hearing"

Lucas believed him and nodded. He told them everything he could remember, every shameful little detail. Lucas hoped his father wouldn't hate him for what they did to him, what if he thinks that it was his own fault? He asked for it because he was gay?

"Thank you Lucas" the detective had no questions and the boy was distressed enough without him poking into the matter.

Dan talked to the detective while he sent him out; they shook hands and bid their goodbyes.

"You look like you could use a drink" Dan stated, Lucas huffed. He knew his father would never give him alcohol but he was right. He really could use a drink or two.

"Here" the older man gave him cacao "Not as good as Whiskey but healthier"

"Thank you" the blond took the cup; the sweet liquid was calming his nerves.

"I think you should see a specialist" Dan could see the shame in his boy's eyes and was sure Lucas needed professional help; otherwise he would never forgive himself for the assault even though he wasn't at fault.

"I don't want mom to know" Lucas stared at his cacao.

"I'll come up with an idea" Dan reassured.

"Would be nice" he answered, avoiding his father's gaze.

"What did Karen say?" he wondered.

"She freaked out and said we should move somewhere else. But I don't want to go. She's happy with her life"

"I see" he understood why Karen wanted to move.

"Has Keith an idea how to help you?" Dan asked, Keith was always there for the boy and it was kinda soothing to know Lucas had a father figure in his life.

"He hates me" Lucas's eyes watered but he wouldn't let them fall.

"I don't think he hates you, it wasn't your fault and I'm sure he sees it the same way" Dan was surprised.

"He caught me and Nathan kiss a few weeks ago. He screamed and yelled, I was mean and he hit me. That was the last time I saw him" Lucas rushed.

"He what?" Dan frowned; Keith had no right to hit Lucas "Was it the first time he hit you or?" he would make him beg for mercy in cause he abused his son more than one time.

"I told him he was not my father. He had every right to lash out" Lucas believed in what he said.

"No he had not" Dan stated "He may love you like a father but he is not so you expressed an unspoken truth and even if he were your father that's none excuse for abusing you" Dan might not be a great father but he loathed child abuser.

"We do stupid thing when we're angry, emotions are incalculable" Lucas did stupid things out of love.

"Sounds like you have some experiences" the older man refilled his glass.

"I gave Nathan my trust even though I knew better than that" Lucas hid something, Dan was sure.

"What are you not telling me?" he tried to use a fatherly tone for the first time in his life.

"He made a bet with the team. Their goal was to get rid of me. The team made training a living hell and Nathan gained my friendship to use it against me. But somewhere along the way… he fell in love with me, or not. I'm not sure, I don't know what to think" the blond explained.

"I should knock some sense into his head" Dan sighed, his youngest was so much like him.

"Don't tell him I told you or he'll hate me even more"

"Do you think he did it for me?" his guts clenched, he was on the best way to build some kind of relationship with the boy and Nathan's act could ruin what little they had.

"Yes" Lucas said nonchalantly "Your approval is essential for him. He would do everything for you"

Dan thought about it, he was proud Nathan loved him so much but was scared about what he might do to gain his love "I made many mistakes and not showing how much he means to me is one of them"

"It's not your fault, not all of it. We make our own choices" Lucas wasn't mad at Dan, he knew how he could be and Nathan wasn't obligated to be a jerk too.

"Hindsight is easier than foresight" Dan knew he made mistakes but only now he realized which potent effects his doing had.

"You live and learn" Lucas shrugged "He wants to be my brother but I can't do it. I can't be his friend, his brother after….maybe in a few months or years but not right now"

"Tell me about your relationship" Dan offered.

Lucas began his tale; he told him everything about Nathan, school and training. It was great to have a 'father' whom he could tell all these things.


	16. Paternal love II

School was hell. He heard five different rumors during two lessons and that pissed him off.

They said he tried to seduce them; he started the fight because they made a stupid comment or he tried to hit on their girl friends because he wanted to show that he wasn't gay and things like that. The only good thing was that he was able to avoid Nathan the whole morning but his luck ended after lunch.

Nathan searched for Lucas he heard a few rumors and wanted to make sure his brother was alright. He found him in the library because Lucas had a free period that day.

"What happened to your face?" so the rumors where true at least the one which said Lucas got into a fight.

"Chris happened" Lucas didn't look up.

Nathan crouched in front of him and put two fingers under Lucas's chin to lift it up.

Lucas looked at him he was too stressed to fuss over a touch "Happy now? Can I continue to study? Or do you intend to stare at me the whole day?"

"Don't be so mean. I'm worried" Nathan gave him a once over "Do you have more injuries?"

"Cracked rib, bruises and scratches nothing serious" he stated.

"So they got arrested because they used you as a punching bag" Nathan continued to stare, Lucas was still beautiful.

"I ended at the hospital they had to call the police, if I wanted or not" he justified.

"I didn't mean to sound reproachful. They deserve jail for what they've done" they could be happy that the police got them first.

"Thought you would be happier about the beating" Lucas wasn't so sure that Nathan meant what he said.

"I'm not happy! I'm angry and worried. They had no right to beat you up" Nathan said shocked, how could Lucas believe he wanted to see him hurt?

"So no one's permitted to hurt me but you?" his voice was emotionless.

"Lucas" Nathan flung his arms around the startled blond "I love you even if we're not meant to be together" he inhaled Lucas's scent.

"Nathan" Lucas sighed resigned. He enjoyed the warm and comfy feeling of Nathan's embrace but it pained him to know that it meant nothing. Nathan made up his mind and decided rules and friends were more important than their love "Can't you let go of your worries and come back?" he muttered, not aware that he said it out loud.

Nathan squeezed his eyes shut and tightened his hug. He loved Lucas but he was too scared and proud to risk his future "I'm not like you" he whispered against Lucas's neck.

Lucas shivered at the contact "A living punching bag you mean?"

"NO" Nathan kissed his brother's neck "You don't listen to what people say, you don't care. But I can't take it"

Lucas closed his eyes, Nathan was wrong. He did listen and he did care but he didn't show that they hurt him or that they could use his weaknesses against him.

"You don't know me at all" Lucas pushed him away, pain shot through his side and winced.

"I do know you" Nathan was sure he figured him out, he frowned as Lucas winced "I watch you and I think about you"

"That's not enough to know someone; do you really think you truly know me?"

"I know enough" Nathan knew Lucas could be difficult and sensitive at times but he was strong.

"What's my favorite book? My favorite band? When did my best friend in kindergarten die? And why? Do you know when I almost died? Do you know what I'm thinking about when you and your friends give me a hard time? Do you know what I'm doing with my spare time? Do you even know when I was born? Year? Date?" Lucas summarized, he knew Nathan couldn't answer one of them.

The brunette stared at him, his mind racing to find an answer to at least one of the questions but there was no answer. He realized how seldom they talked about Lucas, he talked to Lucas about his favorite things, his childhood, his friends and his worries but rarely did Lucas.

"Go back to your idyllic world and leave me alone" Lucas pushed him away, regretting the act as his side burned like fire.

Nathan placed his hand gently on Lucas's side, feeling the bandage around his torso "Hush" he tried to soothe "Take a deep breath and try not to move"

The brunette was worried, Lucas noticed. He could see it in his ex-lovers eyes.

Lucas waited for the pain to fade "Do you have some painkillers?" Nathan studied him.

The blond nodded and pointed at his backpack, Nathan opened it and searched for the painkiller "Found it" he took them before he went over to the librarian. He used all his charm to get a glass of water and the ok to drink it inside the library. He gave her his best smile and a charming thank you before he returned to Lucas.

"Take this" Lucas obeyed, moving carefully "Thank you" he wished even more to have his caring lover back.

"You're welcome sweetheart" Nathan looked away as he realized that he used his nickname for Lucas. For one moment he had forgotten that they were not a couple, he wanted to cry.

"Nathan look at me" Lucas eyed him, Nathan's eyes glittered slightly with unshed tears and the pain they held made him sick "Can we continue being brother's with benefits? We can be real careful, spending time together from time to time, no dates. No one will notice… and one day we can be lovers again. In a different town with different people" the blond babbled.

Nathan looked around to make sure no one's watching before he cupped his brother's cheeks, rubbing with his thumbs over perfect cheek bones "I-I'll think about it" he let go of the blond and went away. Lucas knew there was no chance in hell for them to be together.

"Hey baby boy how was your week" it wasn't a parental tone but it was nice nonetheless.

"It was okay" Lucas slumped into the comfy arm chair.

"What happened between Nathan and you?" Dan drank lemonade instead of alcohol, Lucas frowned.

"I decided to quit drinking" he noticed Lucas's confusion. He realized that he didn't need alcohol to be satisfied with life, the alcohol was one of the reasons for his problems.

Lucas gave him a genuine smile; the boy seemed to be happy about his decision "Tell me what happened"

"We met in the library and he was worried about me. He called me by my nickname and I asked him to give our relationship a second try. He said he'll think about it but I don't think so" he held the story short.

"I think he taxes his brain. We met yesterday and he seemed to be out of it" Dan took a gulp, Lemonade wasn't that bad.

Lucas nodded and looked at his bottle "He's scared but he isn't the only one"

"I can well believe it" Dan tried to imagine how it must feel and it wasn't pleasant, a shiver ran down his spine.

"I said no one will suspect anything because we're brothers. It can work as long we're careful" the blond nibbled on his bottom lip "but his image is too important to him to risk a relationship with me"

"He's an idiot" Dan sighed "He should know better, he often criticized me when he was a teenager"

"He did?" Lucas tried to imagine Nathan as a ranting and yelling teenager.

"He was a rebellious child. I think that was one of his ways to gain my attention. Didn't work, not the way he hoped"

"You were angry at him" Lucas could see it in Dan's face.

"He got all kinds of negative attention but he got attention. Somehow I believe it didn't matter to him which kind of attention he got"

"I thought you … I don't know … played with him, read to him, cuddled him, protected him from nightmares… things like that" as a child he wished Dan would come and do all this.

"I taught him how to play basketball, I taught him to be strong and ambitious but I never taught him how to love or care for others" He wasn't proud of it but that was the way he was.

"You were raised that way too" that wasn't a question.

"Yes. You're a smart boy" Karen was a great mother, Deb could learn a lot from her. Dan regretted his choice not to accept the boy. Slowly but steady he came to love him.

"How was your father?" Lucas was interested in Dan's history; he wanted to learn more about the man who should be his father.

"He was strict and sometimes he hit me. I was rebellious; I wanted to break out of the life I led. We were not poor but it wasn't much either and I wanted to make it better. I wanted to be someone, not the 'nobody' who got hit by his father and harassed by his classmates. So I started to change. I became strong and stubborn; I started basketball and burnished my image.

… And before you know it you're a star and have 'friends' and your father hit you less because people started to talk" he didn't know why he told Lucas all this but it felt right.

"I'm sorry" Lucas was honest, he felt sorry for the older man and he could understand his way of thinking. It wasn't right but reasonable.

Dan was slightly amused, it was ironic that the boy he abandoned years ago was the one who honestly pitied him "I made my choice and in the end I'm exactly what I never wanted to be. Bitter, cold and abhorrent"

"Last month I would have said you're right but now … I think you can be nice when you want to" Lucas blushed and hid behind his bottle, what was he saying?

Dan smiled in surprise "You mean I'm not despicable?" he let it sound like a joke; he wanted to make it easier for Lucas to answer.

"I like you" Lucas smirked "even though you have a few flaws"

"More than a few but nice to know you like me, though" Dan meant what he said.

Lucas smiled "Do you have had many nightmares as a child?" Dan remembered what Lucas said minutes ago.

"Yes" Lucas seemed to be far away "I had a friend, in kindergarten, he died of leukemia and I …. I watched him fade away. He got thinner, he lost his hair and got weaker and weaker until the day he fell asleep and never woke up. I stayed his friend 'till the end but the memories are burned into my mind. I woke up at night, screaming his name, praying for him to come back. He was a happy child, dark blond hair and clear blue eyes. His name was Gabriel. Like the arch angel, he had said the first day we met. I begged mom to read to me about angels. I wanted to know that he was alright" Lucas smiled sadly; a solitude tear ran down his cheek. Dan bent over the table and reached out to wipe the tear away, a gentle look in his eyes. He didn't know what to say but the little gesture seemed to be enough.

"I miss him" Lucas brushed his cheek against Dan's hand which still lingered near his face.

"I know" Dan whispered, overwhelmed by emotions.

"Mom's nightmares were by far more serious than mine" Lucas remembered his mother's screams.

"Did she dream it was you instead of him?" Lucas shook his head.

"I was hit by a car when I was nine" Lucas shuddered.

Dan's eyes widened, he didn't know that.

"I almost died, I spent four months in the hospital because of a broken leg and a head wound. I lay in a coma for two weeks mom thought she lost me, like Gabriel's mom lost her boy. She still has them from time to time. She thinks I don't notice her slipping into my room and watching me for at least half an hour"

"What happened to the driver?" he was so dead.

"He was drunk and went to jail for six years" that meant he was released a few years ago, Dan mused.

"Mom's lawyer had said that he would have a hard time because he hurt a child" Lucas remembered, his mother's satisfied smile as the lawyer mentioned it.

"Child abusers are the lowest human beings and a drunk driver is not better" Dan decided to look after Lucas. The child was a magnet for trouble.

"I still don't like the sound of screeching tires" he wasn't over it, he liked to believe he was but then a car was too fast or made roaring noises and he remembered the crash.

"I think you'll always be scared" Dan was careful not to sound as if Lucas was less because of his trauma.

"That might be true" Lucas sipped on his lemonade "I think both of us have heavy burdens to carry"

Dan nodded "Yes" they continued to talk for a while about this and that before Lucas had to go home.

"Wait a moment" Dan hurried after him "I almost forgot. I asked a friend for a good psychiatrist and he said Dr. Donovan is the best, he works at the local hospital and I called him. He's coming over next Friday and wants to talk to you"

"Private therapy?" Lucas eyed him suspiciously.

"You don't want to go to the hospital and you don't want Karen to know and I thought you're here every Friday so we can do it here" Dan showed a hint of insecurity.

"I can't afford his visits, I can barely pay for my meds" Lucas looked at the ground, thinking about a way to pay him.

"I'll pay for your meds and I'll pay Dr. Donovan's bill" Dan offered, he was surprised that Lucas shook his head "No"

"Why not? I have money enough" Dan didn't understand.

"I don't want to use you to get money" Lucas explained "We barely know each other, you don't even want to be my father… how can I accept your offer?"

Dan came closer, cupping Lucas's cheeks "Listen baby boy. I offer you my help because I want to; I want to do something for you. I did things I regret, deeply, and I don't want to add more regrets to the ones I already have. I would definitely regret not helping you"

Lucas looked at him in shock, he wasn't sure he heard right "You really want to help me?"

"Yes. I know how money sucking leeches look like and you're not one of them, I trust you not to use me" Dan looked so honest it was almost surreal.

"Thank you" Lucas smiled shyly; he could save the money his mother gave him for the meds and pay her back one day.

"You don't need to thank me" Dan patted his shoulder "and now go before your mom sends the police" he joked.

Lucas nodded and left with a warm and loving feeling in his heart.

Dan went back into his house; one of Lucas sentences wormed like a parasite through his mind 'you don't even want to be my father'. How wrong the boy was. Dan came to the conclusion that a part of him wanted to be his father, the other part was too stubborn and proud to admit openly that he liked the boy he abandoned years ago.

"Hey Lucas" Haley ran over to him "Nice to see you here"

"How are you?" Lucas asked with a smile.

"Great" she beamed "I have a date"

"Who's the lucky guy?" he was happy for her.

"Darren" she pointed at a tall brunette "Isn't he from the science club?" Lucas asked surprised. The guy was good looking but a science geek and Lucas was surprised that Haley lost her heart to someone who was not a school playboy.

"Yes" she blushed "He asked me out and his smile melted my heart. I couldn't say no"

"He's a good guy" Lucas knew him; they worked at a few school projects together. Darren was intelligent, friendly and he had potential to make Haley real happy.

"Yeah" she looked at her date "Do you want to join us. I'm sure he'll understand"

"No Haley" Lucas waved at Darren "It's your night. I grab something to eat and go home. I'm tired and not in the mood for a night out"

"Okay" she hugged him "Be careful" Haley warned.

"I promise" he patted her back and bid goodbye. Nathan watched him from afar; he wished he could switch places with Haley. He missed to hug Lucas.

Lucas went to an Italian restaurant to get take-away pizza, he didn't notice Nathan following him.

He took the money out of his pocket and wanted to pay as a hand appeared next to his head and the owner of the arm paid for his pizza. Lucas turned around with a frown and was speechless to see Nathan.

"How are you?" Nathan asked with a smile on his beautiful face.

"What do you want?" the blond sighed.

"Buy you a meal and talk" the brunette looked hopefully at him.

Great, Lucas thought, more talking "I don't think it's a good idea"

"Au contraire" Nathan looked serious "I think it's a good idea because I'm prone to give us a second chance"

Lucas's mouth opened and closed before he said dumbly "Huh?"

Nathan smiled "You heard right" he took the pizza box "Come"

Lucas followed him, still surprised by Nathan's change of heart. Nathan opened the door of his car and motioned Lucas over to him "Get in"

Lucas wasn't sure if it was safe to do so "I don't bite" Nathan said gently "I want to talk somewhere else"

Lucas nodded and got in; they remained silent for the whole drive.

The brunette stopped in front of his apartment and led Lucas upstairs.

"Make yourself at home" Nathan went into the kitchen to get a couple of beers.

"Thank you" he took the bottle and took a small gulp "You want to talk so talk"

Nathan settled down next to the blond, unsure of what to say "I thought about what you said and I want to give it a try"

"Why?" Nathan's intentions were important.

"Because I love you" he started "I miss to be close to you. I miss your voice, your smile and your presence. I don't like to see you unhappy and it hurts even more to know it's my fault. Don't get me wrong I'm miserable too without you, I don't want you back out of pity"

He almost dug his own grave "I love you and I don't want to be with someone else. I tried to flirt and forget about us but that's not possible. I see you in everyone I talk to, I have compared every girl with you and I realized that I can't be happy with women. I wanted a wife and kids, because I'm scared of what might happen when the truth comes out but I would be miserable all my life and life is too short to waste it"

Lucas thought about Dan and his regrets, it seemed he was right. Nathan didn't want to end like Dan "I love you Lucas, I never stopped"

"I love you too but what if people notice you're gay? What will you do? Take the next best girl and start a family, leaving me behind. How can I give myself to you when I'm not even sure you'll stay? You possibly leave me after a week, a month or maybe a year but picturing a future without you leaving me is impossible for me"

"I can't promise I'll stay forever but I'll try, please, give me a chance" Nathan begged, he needed the blond "I'll get used to it and then I'm ready to stay, forever. This time I don't make promises I can't keep. I underestimated the impact of our relationship"

"That's an attempt I accept. I want to start at the beginning. I don't want to start where our relationship ended"

"Okay" Nathan agreed this was better than nothing.

Lucas wasn't sure it was the right decision, his heart reached out for Nathan but his mind warned him to be careful.

"Do you want to watch a movie? Or play a console game?" the silence between them grew more uncomfortable by every passing minute.

"Let's play Need for speed" he saw the game which lay next to the TV.

Nathan smiled at him and got up to start the game, he had to search for the second controller because he seldom played with others.

The relaxed atmosphere while they played was comfortable and after a while they sat close together. Nathan's head rested on Lucas's shoulder, their legs brushed together ever so often.

They talked about the game and cursed from time to time "You won again" Nathan groaned.

"You won twice" Lucas replied.

"Yeah but you five times" he nudged his brother's side "I'll get you this time" they started a new round.

Three hours and many rounds later Lucas decided it was time to go home "You win outright, geez" Nathan put on his shoes.

"That was a cheap victory" the blond grinned "I think we should play something else next time"

"Yeah" the brunette decided to practice until he was ready to beat Lucas.

"You don't have to bring me home" Lucas wanted to walk.

"No back talk!" Nathan ordered, he would be damned if something happened to Lucas because he was too lazy to leave the house.

"You win, this time" Lucas sighed.

Nathan smirked at Lucas; this was a discussion he intended to win every time. He would protect his brother no matter what.

Karen was surprised as Nathan's car stopped in front of her house, panic rose in the pit of her stomach and she headed outside "Nathan?" she searched for Lucas who choose that moment to get off the car "Hi mom, you're early"

She sighed deeply "I want to spend some time with you"

"Sorry mom, I thought you work late" he apologized.

"You couldn't know" she smiled at him "Nice to see you get along"

"We give us a second try" Nathan explained "I realized we are meant to be together"

She nodded the happiness on her son's face kept her from yelling at the brunette for hurting him "Do you want to join us? I rent an action movie"

"No thank you" Nathan didn't want to rush things "I have to work tomorrow morning"

"Okay" she was relived but hid it well.

"See you at school" Lucas patted Nathan's arm and went inside.

Nathan was surprised how fast Karen's expression changed "Don't play games with him" she warned "You hurt him again and I'll make your life a living hell"

He nodded, shocked by her outburst. She was a kind woman and he was frightened by her attitude even though she had every right to hate him. He climbed into his car "Great, three people who want me to suffer" he muttered but it was okay, it was his own fault anyway.


	17. Decisions

Nathan mutated to Lucas personal watch dog, he kept an eye on him the whole day and walked him home at night. It was annoying but facilitating at the same time, Lucas wasn't sure what outweighs.

"Nathan you don't have to follow me around all day. Go out with your friends or do something you like" Lucas decided that Nathan needed free time.

"I do what I like" Nathan replied.

"It can't be fun to watch out for me" the blond said unbelievingly.

"You're wrong" it gave him a reason to spend as much time with Lucas as possible.

"So you say" Lucas liked Nathan's presence and people didn't suspect anything. They thought Nathan was in an immoderate, brotherly, protection mood.

"I don't want to spend time with the team and I don't want to be somewhere else. I'm where I belong" the brunette was scared they could revive the bet. He had the feeling they planned something in the background but maybe it was his imagination. Skills gave up on it, he was sure.

"Do what you want" Lucas shrugged; he was too tired to complain. Nathan would stop on his own when he had enough.

"I don't want you to get hurt" Nathan whispered sadly "We hurt you so often, physically, mentally…"

"As long as you don't hate me, everything is fine" it was true he could bear the team, Chris and his friends but what he couldn't bear was the thought that Nathan hated him.

"I'll never hate you" Nathan swore.

"I hope so" for Lucas it was one more promise Nathan could break.

Nathan nodded; he felt that Lucas didn't trust him enough to believe what he said "Are you hungry?" he changed the topic.

"No" Lucas didn't eat much these days.

"But you should" Nathan insisted "You lost weight"

Lucas rolled his eyes "You win"

"Good" the brunette said in a cheerful tone "I'll cook"

Lucas frowned but before he could say something Nathan grabbed his arm and dragged him into the next supermarket. Nathan strolled through the aisles and grabbed here and there ingredients; Lucas followed him with a small smile on his face.

Back in Nathan's apartment he started to cook, Lucas continued to watch him. Not sure if he should call the fire brigade or attach a biohazard warning sign on the front door in the first place, it was better to be on the safe side that no one got hurt or poisoned.

After thirty silent minutes Nathan faced him with a satisfied smile on his face "Dinner is ready!"

Lucas tried to look over Nathan's shoulder to get a glimpse of the pseudo-food. It smelled nice and looked pretty good, his right eye brow rose "If I didn't know better I would say someone else cooked it"

"Har-har-har" Nathan mocked "I'm capable of learning new skills you know"

"It looks that way" Nathan chuckled and gave him a peck on the cheek "Stop nagging and try it" he led Lucas to the table.

The blond obeyed and hoped it tasted like it smelled, he stared at it like it was his last meal "Open your mouth" Lucas was all of a dither "Huh?"

Nathan stood next to him with a fork in his hand "Open your pretty mouth or do I need to make sweet little train noises?"

"Don't you dare" Lucas frowned even more "I'll kick you….hmpf" Nathan shoved the fork into his mouth "How does it taste?" he grinned.

Lucas chewed carefully before he swallowed. He was surprised how good it tasted "That's good"

"HA" Nathan cheered "I'm so good"

"A clear case of megalomania" Lucas tried to look serious and succeeded for a while before he couldn't suppress a chuckle any longer.

Nathan laughed and slapped him on the back "Cheeky boy" he sat down and they started to eat. The silence was comfortable, their body language spoke volumes. They grew more and more comfortable with each passing day. Nathan was confident that they were on the best way of being lovers again.

"Where did you learn to cook?" Lucas shoved his plate aside after he finished the last bite.

"I bought a cookbook … or three" he coughed slightly.

"You did this for me?" Lucas felt warm inside.

"I- I thought I should be prepared if we meet again, as lovers" the brunette stared at the table.

Lucas stood up and walked around the table, he kneeled in front of Nathan and took his hands into his own "Thank you" he smiled and pulled his brother into a kiss. Not passionate but filled with love and devotion.

Nathan shivered; he had missed his brother's kisses. They were so soft and loving it almost hurt. Pushing him away was the biggest mistake he ever made.

"I love you Lucas, never doubt my love for you even though I'm a jerk. I won't make the same mistakes this time I promise"

"Don't make promises you don't intend to keep" he realized too late that he spoke out loud. Nathan could see the pain in the blue eyes he loved so much; it pained him to know the sadness in them was his doing. He had a lot to do to make things right.

"I'll try" Nathan tried again "I'll try to avoid the same mistakes. I'll try to be a better boyfriend and brother, I'll try to make you happy" and I'll definitely try to ban the sadness from your eyes, he added mentally.

Lucas nodded; a small smile appeared on his face "I know you'll try"

Nathan wasn't sure if it was positive or negative he concluded that it might be both "I'm sorry"

"Nothing to be sorry for" Lucas avoided the topic Nathan tried to bring up.

"There is a lot to be sorry for" Nathan frowned, they had to talk about this or Lucas would remain so sad.

"We talked about it and that's enough for me" Lucas had a different opinion on this matter.

"We talked but was it enough?" the brunette wasn't sure at all.

"It's enough" Lucas said gently. Nathan realized he had to do more than convince him to believe that he did what he did because it was part of personality. It would have been too easy any other way.

"Okay" Nathan gave in. Maybe it really wasn't an argument, he could have changed, he could have tried harder but he didn't and that was the hard reality. His love wasn't strong enough to win over the old fashioned part of his personality.

He had to change and that fast before he would lose Lucas for good "I hope you're not too full I prepared Tiramisu"

"When did you do that?" Lucas was thankful that Nathan let the topic go.

"Yesterday evening" Nathan prepared healthy food and desserts for weeks hopping for Lucas to show up on his doorsteps.

"Great" he returned to his seat "I hope it tastes like it looks like" Nathan put it out of the fridge.

"Your cooking skills convinced me. It can't be as bad as I thought" the blond grinned.

"Thanks" Nathan said sarcastically before he gave his lover a huge peace of the dessert.

"Taste good" Lucas mumbled before he swallowed his second bite "I'm relieved" Nathan put the spoon into his mouth "I wasn't sure it would taste"

"You could have told me before you used me as a lab rat" Lucas joked, the mood lightened and he was thankful for that.

"Where's the fun when I warn you?" Nathan smirked, he laughed as Lucas sent him a glare "You see!" he pointed at the blond "That's fun"

"You're an idiot" Lucas pouted "But I'm your idiot" the brunette smiled and Lucas couldn't pout any longer "Yeah, you're my idiot"

"Good" Nathan refilled Lucas's plate and the blond ate everything Nathan gave him. Lucas wanted to make his brother happy and neglecting himself obviously displeased the brunette.

He took it as a good sign that his lover worried about him and tried to care for him.

"I'll wash the dishes" Lucas cleared the table "Let me help" Nathan tried to snatch a towel but the blond swatted his hand away "You cooked, I wash the dishes, period" the brunette gave in and sat down. He watched his big brother and analyzed his behavior; he tried to figure out his mood and to find an opening in his defense. But he found none; Lucas guarded his feelings well only the sadness in his eyes gave him a little hint. Lucas wasn't happy but that was all he knew. He wanted to know what he thought and what he really felt inside. Nathan hoped time could heal the wounds and close the gap he created between them.

"What are you thinking about?" Lucas asked; he still looked at the sink while he toweled a plate. Nathan was surprised his brother wasn't even looking at him "I can hear you think" the blond said as no answer came.

"How?" the brunette frowned and thought about what could have given him away.

"You sigh very softly and you tend to tip with your fingers against the table" Lucas explained.

"Oh" it was the first time Nathan realized his habits "You're right"

Lucas turned around and grinned at him "I spent a lot of time watching you"

"That's for sure" Nathan raised a brow.

"I like watching you" Lucas put the plates away.

"Why?" the brunette couldn't understand why Lucas was so interested in what he did.

"Because I love you" was the simple reply.

Nathan stood up and approached his brother slowly. He put his arms around him and kissed his neck as he felt his brother flinch "What's the problem?" he asked irritated.

"Nothing" the blond tried to calm himself down, he was a little jumpy since the attack but he wouldn't tell his brother.

"Can't you even stand to be touched by me anymore?" he let go of him.

"That's not it" Lucas backpedaled, he loved his brother's embrace but the associated flashbacks hit him hard.

"Sure" the brunette huffed before he returned to his chair.

"It's not you…" Nathan raised a hand to stop his sentence.

"Don't give me a 'it's not you but me' speech. I know them all too well, I used them often enough"

"But…"

"No buts. I think you should leave" the younger man ordered and left no room for arguments.

Lucas sighed as he grabbed his things "It has nothing to do with you" he said before he left.

Nathan buried his head in his hands. The evening went so well, when did it start to go south? He asked himself.

Lucas stood in front of the house, his eyes watered but he was too stubborn to let them fall. He cursed himself for his stubbornness. All because he wasn't able to articulate what happened to him. What pissed him of most was that he was sure Nathan would have understood why he was uncomfortable being touched "Damn it" he turned around and left.

Both men lay awake that night, thinking about the evening.

"Hey sweetheart" a young man approached him after he closed his locker.

"Who are you?" Lucas frowned; he tried to remember that face but was sure he never met him before.

"Oh that hurt" the young blond put a hand above his heart.

Nathan watched them from afar and his blood began to boil, he walked over to them.

"I don't know who you are" Lucas intended to leave but the young man stopped him as he saw Nathan.

He spun Lucas around and kissed him without a warning. Lucas's eyes widened and he felt sick. He showed him away and rubbed his lips "What the hell?" he gasped.

He looked at Nathan and saw the rage in his beautiful eyes "It's not what you think"

"Oh love" the young blond started to cry "I don't want to hide us anymore. I can't stand it. Tell me if you found someone else. Be honest once in your life" and he began to ran.

The corridor was full of curious students; they whispered and stared at him in disgust.

Nathan turned around and left before he did something he would regret. Lucas followed him "Nathan wait" he grabbed his arm.

Nathan pulled away and hissed "That's why you didn't want to be touched two weeks ago"

"NO. I swear I don't know who he is" he pleaded "I don't know who he is and why he pretends to be my boyfriend"

"Liar" Nathan glared at him "I never thought you're a whore. Stay away from me or I'll hit you for sure"

"I can find him and get the truth out of him" Lucas offered "You'll see he lied"

"Do whatever you want. I don't believe you or your little boy toy. I want you to vanish from my life. Change schools or die, doesn't matter to me but I don't want to see your face ever again"

Nathan's outburst had hit him hard; he felt the pain in his heart and soul. They walked on eggshells around each other for the last two weeks and even before things didn't go well but Nathan was never so enraged. Lucas knew his brother meant what he said "Okay" the blond agreed and ran as fast as he could. He could stand the hate in Nathan's eyes; he couldn't stand the disgust in his classmates' eyes. He couldn't stand his life.

Lucas walked around for hours before he was ready to go home and face his life. He ran into his mother as he opened the front door "Mum?" he frowned. She looked great. She wore a tight black dress, not too short but short enough to look sexy. Her hair was perfectly styled and her make- up accented her beautiful eyes.

"I have a date" she beamed "Keith asked me out and I said yes"

Lucas cringed as she mentioned the older man's name "Keith"

"Yes. I know he was mean but I think he's truly sorry" he knew his mother was in love with him for years and he was happy for her even though he felt sick at the thought of him. He loved Keith like a father but he let him down, that had hurt.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her boy was different.

"I'm fine" he forced a smile on his face "Have fun" he hugged her.

"Dinner is in the fridge" she patted his back.

"Thank you. And now go before you're late for your first date in years" Lucas shoved her out of the house. She giggled and kissed him goodbye.

Lucas closed the door and sunk to his knees. He was alone. His friends were in relationships, his mother would be in a relationship very soon and the love of his life hated him more than anything. He cried silently until he was too weak to care. Lucas went upstairs and crawled under his blanket.

Nothing changed over the weeks, his mother went out on dates, Haley was happy with her boyfriend, Payton got closer to Skills and Nathan avoided him like the plague.

The only constant in his life was his father until the day Dan asked him not to come over anymore. Nathan had seen him leave the house and assumed that he tried to use Dan against him. Dan was overwhelmed by the situation; he wanted to stay close to Lucas but on the other side Nathan and he started to get along. He chose his youngest son, Lucas understood why he chose Nathan over him but it hurt nonetheless. Lucas had seen the pain in the older man's eyes and was happy that he showed some emotion. It meant that Dan had thought about his decision and didn't sort him out immediately. Dan granted him a hug before he left; the little gesture meant everything to him.

Lucas stood in front of his bathroom mirror. Three weeks passed since he lost the last person in his life. Nathan's hateful words echoed through his mind for weeks. He reached for his meds but stopped millimeters in front of them. Lucas stared at them for a while before he drew his hand away and closed the medicine cabinet. Nathan wanted him dead? So be it!

He got dressed and walked to school. Ready to face what may come.

The day was as lonely as the days before, Haley talked about her boyfriend, Payton talked about how well her relationship with Skills was developing and Nathan looked calm.

But Lucas could swear he saw a hint of sadness as their eyes locked for a moment. Nathan wasn't as unaffected as he thought but it was too late for them. There were too may rocks on their way to happiness they couldn't overcome.

"Oh sorry" a dark haired girl apologized as one of the basketball team shoved her in Lucas direction. The hot tea on her plate spilled over and landed on Luca's leg "Geez" he jumped up. It burned but it wasn't her fault at all and she looked honestly sorry "No harm done" he tried to smile at her.

She grabbed a tissue and tried to clean the hot liquid from his leg "I'm so sorry"

"Not your fault" he stopped her "Don't worry" he rubbed his leg. She nodded and went to her friends.

"Are you okay?" Haley asked worried "I'm fine. I go to the restroom" she nodded.

Nathan felt the urge to help him but fought it down. Lucas had betrayed him and didn't deserve his help. He watched him as he left.

Lucas tried to wash the dark stains out of his jeans; it would be an embarrassing day with the stains on his jeans. He sighed "Why me?" he spoke to the mirror.

He went on for two weeks without his meds until he felt how much it affected him. He was constantly tired and out of breath. He went running after school and worked as much he could. He was surprised he didn't kill himself already.

His mom didn't notice that he neglected himself more than normally and Dan never asked why he sent the money for the meds back to him.

Lucas was sure that no one was interested in him; sometimes he asked himself if his family and friends would notice his death. Would he end like one of the poor old people without family? Dead for weeks until people start to notice there's someone missing?

Lucas put on his running shoes; it was time to leave but the time lay in god's hands. He was waiting day by day for him to collect his soul. If god and angels exist will Gabriel be the one to take me with him? If not will I be reborn? Or does it all ends with the last breath? Lucas thought about it a lot and hoped it wasn't the third option.

"Hey Lucas" Skills ran next to him "nice evening for a run, isn't it?"

"Yes" Lucas wondered why he spoke to him.

"How are you?" he slowed down as he noticed Lucas falling behind.

"Fine" he lied.

"You don't look fine to me" Skills eyed him.

"I think I caught a cold" the blond tried the next lie.

"Nathan is mad at you, I think that's what's wrong" he saw right through his lie.

"He's often mad at me" Lucas took a deep breath.

"I see the way he looks at you" Skills studied the blonds reaction, he got none "I know he loves you more than he should"

Lucas almost fell as he stumbled over a stone "What?" he stopped.

"and I see the way you look at him" Skills added "I'm not disgusted or mad"

"You're not?" Lucas frowned.

"No" he replied "You didn't grow up like brothers and I thought about it. I came to the conclusion that I'm fine with it"

"Why?" Lucas couldn't believe his ears.

"Nathan is my friend, I like you and I love Payton. I don't want to lose one of you" Skills seemed so honest.

"Thank you" Lucas looked at the ground "He thinks I cheated on him but I didn't"

"I know" Lucas looked up in surprise "I heard a rumor that the team paid a guy from theater class to set you up. He was so scared of them that he took the money and did as he was told. I can't prove it yet"

"I think it's too late for us anyway" Lucas swallowed "We have too many differences. He hates being gay, he hates the thought of losing his status and he has no faith in us"

"He'll come around. You'll see" Skills tried to offer him some comfort. Lucas smiled sadly "I have to go home" he started to run.

"You can't run forever" Skills mumbled before he continued his training.

School was hell the next day. They talked nonsense about him even though he stood right next to them and Nathan seemed even more pissed as hours before. The rumors and gossip got to him and the brunette had problems to handle them.

"Hey" a big guy stopped in front of Lucas and shoved him against a locker.

A second guy stood next to the other guy "You little fag, too much of a pussy to fight back?" he laughed.

"No man enough to know how to behave, kid" Lucas shot back and collected a slap in return. The blond glared at them ready to fight as his chest constricted painfully.

"Shut up fag or I reconstruct your pretty face so don't even your mommy recognizes you"

"Leave him alone" Nathan grabbed his arm and turned it around until he screamed.

"Run to your mommy before I punch your ugly face" the brunette hissed. They ran as fast as they could even they weren't stupid enough to mess with a Scott.

"Thank you" Lucas whispered.

"I've done it to save the family honor. Don't get used to it" Nathan said coldly.

"Nathan…" Lucas tried to start a conversation.

"Don't! Don't talk to me you bastard" Nathan yelled at him. He turned around to leave as he heard a gasp. He spun around to look at Lucas as he saw how his brother pressed a hand above his heart and slid down the locker.

"Lucas?" Nathan kneeled down next to him "Lucas" he stroke through the soft blond hair. Lucas looked at him with panic in his eyes "Love you" he mouthed, he smiled at something behind Nathan only he could see.

"I love you too" Nathan whispered into his ear. Lucas smile faded and he closed his eyes. He was tired and his chest hurt.

"Lucas" Nathan yelled as Lucas slumped against him "I need help" he screamed.

The director and two teachers ran to them. They lay Lucas on the ground and started CPR; the director called an ambulance and told them something about a heart failure. Nathan stared at Lucas's still form

_~ He lied! He lied! He's sick and kept it a secret. Why did you do it? We could have killed you during training or the game to keep you on the team. Why didn't you tell me…._

_His pale skin…. His cold hands, it all makes sense_

_I should have noticed it, I should…_

_Please don't die …. Don't leave me alone ~_

The paramedics arrived and tried hard to keep the blond alive. Nathan watched them while his mind raced with questions and prayers.

"Don't leave" he yelled at the unconscious man "Don't dare to leave" tears ran down his face.

Skills put an arm around him "I drive you to the hospital" he helped him up "Come" he led him away as the paramedics rushed to the ambulance.


	18. Clarity

Nathan and Lucas's friends sat in the waiting room as Karen arrived. He didn't notice her at first but she shook him gently "Nathan?"

"Why didn't he tell me?" he seemed apathetic.

"What do you mean?" she sat down next to him, rubbing her eyes to get rid of the tears.

"His heart" Nathan continued to stare at the wall.

"He didn't tell me immediately either. I think he doesn't want us to worry" she put an arm around the young man.

"We could have killed him" Nathan said, Skills got up and kneeled down next to his friend.

"He did what he could to prevent an attack" the man said "He quit basketball, he takes meds, he tries to stay calm even though we harassed him"

"Liar" Nathan blinked "He continued to play, he accepted our challenge, he's going for a run every evening"

"You caught me" Skills licked his lips "but tell me what would have changed?"

"I could have taken care of him, I could have protected him" Nathan was sure it was his fault. He told him to leave his life, he had regretted what he said the time the words left his mouth but he was too angry to take them back.

"Karen!" they heard a man, she turned around to see Keith.

"How is he?" he looked frightened, Nathan felt the anger grow "What do you want?" he hissed.

"What do you think?" he grumbled.

"Stay away from him" Nathan looked at him "Don't hurt him or you'll be the one in there" he pointed at the treatment room.

Keith looked ashamed and sat down next to Karen.

"You should stop hurting him" Haley hissed "You're the one who caused most of his pain"

"I know" she was right.

"The bet hurt him most but he stayed by your side" Nathan's eyes widened, he knew?

"He knew everything, that's why he didn't quit immediately, that's why he told no one about his heart" she yelled but lowered her voice again as she remembered where she was.

"He knew?" Skills whispered, Payton stared at him before she slapped him.

"You" she panted "How could you?"

"I was jealous of him and… I wanted him out of my way. You spent so much time with him. But I stopped after he told me that he was gay"

"Oh, so that makes it right?" she narrowed her eyes.

"No" he shook his head "I made mistakes but we talked about it and there are no hard feeling left. We build a little friendship"

"I neglected him, I should have seen it but I was too busy with myself" fresh tears poured down Karen's face. Keith put an arm around her "It's not your fault. He's good at hiding"

"That's not true" Nathan glared at him "You can see it in his eyes. I should have acted the first time I saw the look in his eyes but I was too angry to bother" he stood up and hit the wall.

"Are you part of Lucas's family?" a young nurse asked and eyed Nathan.

"I'm his mother" Karen got up "We stabilized him and the doctor says he's out of danger, as long he stays calm"

"Can we see him?" she wanted her baby.

"He's still asleep but I think it's good for him to have his family around" there was a strange look in her eyes.

"What aren't you telling us?" Keith frowned.

"Doctor Richards will talk to you" she turned around and led them to Lucas.

He was pale like death and the machines around him beeped in an unsettling manner.

Nathan took Lucas hand into his own, Karen took Lucas other hand.

"Hello" Dr. Richards entered the room "he had a heart attack and we had to reanimate him two times but I don' think there are lasting effects on his brain or heart. Everything he needs is rest"

"Thank you doctor" Karen swallowed hard.

"When was the last time he took his meds?" Richards asked bluntly.

"He takes them regularly, why?" Karen's hand shook.

"There are no traces of them in his blood. I think he stopped a few weeks ago. I'm sorry ma'am but I think he attempted suicide"

Karen's legs gave away and Keith caught her "Love, it must be a misunderstanding" he tried to sooth.

Doctor Richards shook his head as she looked at him with hopeful eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut "Lucas" she whined.

Nathan sat down on the edge of the bed and studied Lucas "I didn't mean it, you should know that" he whispered into his brother's ear.

Richards watched the girls cry, the men seemed to remain their composure but the question was for how long. He hated it to see families break. Guilt and what ifs would corrode their hearts from now on. He took a deep breath and left.

They calmed down after an hour and waited for Lucas to wake up.

"Lucas?" Nathan squeezed his hand as he heard a groan. The heart monitor started beeping more irregular "Lucas calm down" his mother caressed his cheek.

"He has a nightmare" Haley suggested.

Lucas opened his eyes, where the hell was he? Why did his body hurt? Did they come for him again? Where was Dan? "Dad, help me" he said, looking at the door. Keith stood next to the door and thought Lucas was talking to him. Karen nodded at him "Lucas" Keith came closer. Lucas eyes widened "Keith?" he struggled. Keith's face fell as the young man he loved so much seemed to be scared of him.

"Daddy" he repeated disorientated. Struggling against his mother and Nathan "Calm down Sweetheart" the brunette tried again.

"Baby boy calm down!" a strong voice entered his mind and he searched for the owner of the familiar voice. Dan rushed into the room "Do you want to die that bad?"

Lucas shook his head "Thought so" Dan bent forward and grabbed his shirt right above the heart, he whisper into his ear "I'm here baby boy no one can hurt you while I'm here" he caressed Lucas's head.

The heart monitor calmed down and Lucas breathing slowed down "That's good. Sleep. You need rest. We can talk when you wake up okay, okay?" the young man nodded before he closed his eyes. His breath evened out "Good boy" Dan smiled slightly.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Karen nagged after she regained her composure. Keith and the others stared at him with open mouths.

"I'm his father" he stated the obvious.

"No you're not" Keith hissed.

"I am" Dan glared at him and stepped closer to him.

"You abandoned him, what do you plan? Do you need him for one of your plans?" Keith spat.

"You have no right to judge" Dan said dangerously calm "You hit him and told him it wasn't normal to love"

Keith's eyes widened "Who told you what happened?" Karen asked. Nathan wouldn't dare to talk with Dan about his love to his own brother and Lucas wasn't in touch with his father.

"Oh come on" he spat "Where do you think he spent his Friday evenings?"

"He told me he was visiting a friend" she thought about it.

"I prevented an attack and took him home. We talked and we continued to meet"

"Dad?" Nathan looked utterly surprised "He didn't use you against me?"

"No" the older man looked at his older son "He needed help and I offered it to him"

"Why?" Nathan didn't understand.

"Not your concern" Dan was angry "Fix this mess or I knock some sense into your thick skull, and when I say fix it I mean it, kiss and make up got it?" he was serious. Nathan nodded "And while we're on the subject of knocking some sense into someone…" Dan hit Keith in the face "I have to talk with Richards" he left the room. They stared after him "Did he call him baby boy?" Haley blinked, she was happy that Dan cared and she was totally not interested in Keith's well being.

"Does he truly care?" Payton hoped so and ignored the older man on the floor.

"I think he does" Nathan was surprised about his father's behavior, he seemed truly worried.

"I can't believe it" Karen sunk to the floor and studied Keith's face, nothing seemed broken "He knows my boy better than I do"

"He doesn't" Keith rubbed his chin and winced, he deserved it but he didn't see it coming. Dan seemed different and he wasn't sure what to think about it.

"Yes he does. He loves my baby" she smiled sadly. Her biggest wish came true but the price Lucas had to pay was by far too high.

"Come" she helped him up "I get you an ice pack" she strolled out of the room. She needed some space. It hurt to see Lucas like this. Keith had deserved the punch, she loved him but she wasn't sorry at all. He hurt her boy and got what he deserved.

"Dan" she approached him "Can we talk?"

Dan and Richards looked at her "Sure" Dan thanked the doctor and turned his attention back to Karen.

"I want to thank you" she looked ashamed.

"What for?" Dan knew the answer.

"For taking care of him" she played with her fingers "What else did you do for him?"

"I pay for his meds but the incident explains why he sent the money back" there was a look in his eyes Karen couldn't decipher, was he feeling guilty? She mused.

"I helped him through the assault and I took care of the bullies, with Lucas help of course" Dan felt uncomfortable with the situation.

"I hate to see him in a hospital" she mumbled while she tried to collect her thoughts.

"The accident must have been frightening, especially after he lost his best friend" Dan didn't know why he said it.

She stared at him in shock "How…?"

"He told me" the older man explained "I meant it when I said we talked"

"He never talks about it" Karen felt like a bad mother.

"I think he wants to protect you. He said you have nightmares and I'm sure he tries to keep the illusion of a perfect world upright"

"He should learn to think of himself first" Karen hated his selfless side from time to time.

"Lucas is Lucas" Dan chided "He would end like me when he gives up his caring side"

"It seems you found your heart again" he was right her son wouldn't be so adorable without his big heart.

"He made me realize that I chased the wrong dreams" Dan stated.

She tilted her head "I like you that way"

"Me too" he chuckled "I can look into the mirror without hating the reflection"

"It's a gift" she smiled "He loves to help and make things better"

"We should keep an eye on him" Dan changed the topic "We have to make things right. We are his parents after all"

She nodded and went back to Lucas's room.

"Good morning Lucas" Dr. Richards checked his vitals.

"Hey Dr. Richards" Lucas looked sleepy but he looked better.

Karen and Nathan frowned. Lucas was unconscious most of the time and he wasn't awake once while Richards was in the room.

"How are you boy?" he noticed Lucas's nervousness.

"I don't feel well" Lucas rubbed his eyes.

"I'm sure you don't" the doctor looked at the heart monitor "I have to touch you for a short moment, okay?" Lucas eyed him but nodded.

Richards removed the canula and listened to the sound of Lucas's heart beat. It sounded strong and normal "I think you can go home in a few days"

Nathan watched the interaction and wondered why the doctor asked for his approval "Do you know each other?" he asked.

"I attended to his wounds after he got assaulted" he patted Lucas's shoulder.

"They were sentenced to five years" the blond whispered.

Karen frowned, five years was a long time for a relative 'slight' case of malicious wounding. She was happy but something felt wrong aside from the fact that she didn't even know they were sentenced.

"Good" the doctor smiled "Dr. Donovan is here to see you. I'll send him in if you're ready" he added.

"I'll never be ready but send him in" Lucas wasn't thrilled but it was necessary.

"Who's Dr. Donovan?" Karen asked surprised.

Richards looked at Lucas and waited for an answer, the young man nodded "He's Lucas's psychiatrist" the doctor answered.

Karen was speechless and Nathan squeezed Lucas's hand. They didn't speak since he woke up a few hours ago. All three of them sat together in an uncomfortable silence.

"Dan paid for private sessions" it was the first time in hours Lucas talked to them.

"Why?" Karen understood a beating wasn't a cake walk but Lucas was strong enough to get over it on his own.

"They … harassed me sexually" Lucas winced as Nathan's grip on his hand tightened his gaze was filled with shock and burning anger. Nathan took a few deep breaths to calm his nerves before he took Lucas into his arms "You could've told me…I would've understood. Damn, I kill them" he finally understood the real reason behind Lucas dislike of being touched by him. It was nothing personal; it was the memory that kept them apart not an affair.

"I was scared" Lucas swallowed "I thought you.. . I don't know maybe I thought you'd use it against me"

"Never" Nathan stared into Lucas's beautiful eyes; they were wet with unshed tears.

"They…" Karen wasn't able to articulate a complete sentence. She settled down on the edge of the bed "Why didn't you tell me? I'm your mother"

"You were scared enough, I didn't want to make it worse for you" Lucas looked at his mother.

"But to remain silent made it even worse for you" she chided "You can't bottle your emotions up forever. You're a strong man you could handle it differently"

"I did talk about it" Lucas defended himself "I talked to Dan and Dr. Donovan"

"Why to him and not me?" Karen sniffed.

"He was there" Lucas didn't mean to sound reproachful "I called him and he took care of me"

"It was easier for him than to talk to you" Dan listened to the conversation and decided it was time to show up.

"Why?" she glared at him.

"Think about it Karen" Dan ignored her glare "Imagine you got assaulted and you have the choice to talk with your mom or a person who's not involved in your life but trustworthy, who do you chose?"

"My mom" she said confident.

"Are you sure?" Dan asked "Do you want to see the pity in her eyes? The fear? Blame? He felt guilty Karen and he still does. He's a man; society expects him to be strong and not victim of rape. Like you said Karen he's strong. A man should be strong enough to fight; a man shouldn't be a victim. A man should get over it in no time but this isn't how reality works. He needed a man to talk to, someone who makes it better. Someone to tell him it wasn't his fault and he isn't less of a man because he lost the fight. It's the same for girls only the expectations change"

Karen nodded. That was a time in life Lucas needed a father and not his mother. She could have not said what he needed to hear, she couldn't have understood what went through his mind. Anger and worry would have fogged her mind "I think I understand what you try to say"

"Good, I'm not good at it" Dan watched his oldest son "You look better"

"I hope so" Lucas gave him a small smile "I fetch Donovan" Dan left. He couldn't stand the sight of Lucas in the hospital bed.

"Geez, you look terrible" Dr. Donovan winced.

"Thanks doc" Lucas liked the carefree way Donovan used during his sessions.

He smiled "Let's talk" he ushered Karen and Nathan out of the room before he sat down on the chair next to Lucas's bed.


	19. Broken

Hi, sorry it took me so long. Thanks Master of Grimoire Heart for kicking my lazy as a little. How can I not write when someone asks so nicely? My writers block got less serious and I was able to write a little :)

Ahhh thank you ( all the reviewers) for bearing with my freaky muse.

I'm currently hunted by ideas for a Danny/Martin (Without a trace) and Steve/Danno (H50) stories and I want to finish what I started before I write it down but it's getting in my way of finishing them. Do you like one of them? Maybe I should write down at least one of them. They're haunting me for weeks, sigh…

- Overwhelmed, banging my head on the desk-

And no I still don't own anything but my delusions of lunacy, and I'm proud of it

I hope you have fun, see ya

* * *

><p>Nathan came back after Dr. Donovan left. He settled down next to the bed and took Lucas hand. Lucas looked at him, not saying a word. Nathan decided to break the awkward silence.<p>

"You scared me" he sounded close to tears "I was never that scared before. I thought you were gone. I didn't mean it when I told you to die… I swear. I didn't mean a single word. I immediately regretted what I said but was too stubborn and proud to take the words back. I felt so betrayed even though I had no right to feel that way. I betrayed you again and again and you were strong enough to let me in again and again"

"Not strong" Lucas squeezed Nathan's hand "desperate"

"I love you too" Nathan leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Lucas's lips.

A nurse entered the room and stared at them with wide eyes. Lucas was sure Nathan would find an excuse and run but he was wrong. Nathan grinned at her and kissed him again while he caressed his brother's cheek.

She looked at him with disgust but it seemed as Nathan wasn't bothered at all "Got a problem?" he glared at her. She shook her head and checked Lucas vital before she strutted out of the room.

Lucas was utterly surprised by Nathan's behavior "What changed?"

"I changed. I finally understood that life is too precious to waste. What is my life worth without you?" Lucas didn't answer; Nathan smiled "Nothing at all. Life is worthless without love and dreams. I want you and I want to become a lawyer. I want to protect people like us; I want to be my own master"

"What will dad say?" Lucas wasn't sure Nathan thought it through "Daddy says he's damn right and thinks his youngest will be a great lawyer" Dan walked into the room with a slight smile on his face.

"I must be still high on the good stuff" Lucas squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.

"No not high, maybe a little, we finally understood what's important in life" Nathan caressed Lucas's hand. Dan patted Lucas's shoulder "You made us realize that life isn't about money and prestige. We live to love and care. Earning lots of money isn't fun at all. Sure you get a house, a car and fancy clothes but money makes lonely. People befriend you because you've got plenty of money; women ensnare you to please their parents and to marry a walking pension plan. But what you offered me was real. You're affection is real; you're not interested in my money at all or in prestige. You searched for a chance to connect with me your whole life. You're not scared to give it to me straight when I'm wrong, again. You're not scared to show you care. You know, what breaks my heart is that you're scared of showing how you feel. You invest so much time into caring for others but what we give back to you isn't much at all. Things will change from now on, you gave me something to believe in, you gave me precious dreams and I'll make your dreams come true.

What do you think about studying, a nice wedding and adopted kids? I really do like the possibility of your future. Do you know what my dream is? My dream is that you and Nathan are happy, that you love your job and I dream of a long life with big family gatherings, at least, twice a year. Your mom and Keith, both of you with my adopted grandchildren, your friends…"

Lucas stared at Dan in awe. He realized how enormous the impact of his action had been. Lucas though no one would care if he was gone but he was wrong, so wrong. He hurt the people around him deeply. He gave Nathan and Dan a scare, he broke his mother's heart, he made his friends cry. It wasn't his intention to cause so much pain.

"I like that" he said half hearted; not looking at Dan or Nathan.

"I'm open for variations of your dreams" Dan smiled at him.

"It's not that" Lucas gazed at the ceiling "I'm not sure I'm ready to dream"

Dan narrowed his eyes and glared at Nathan. Nathan looked ashamed "Lucas we can make our relationship work, we can have it all"

"I have to learn to trust you, how am I supposed to know your change of heart isn't temporary? How am I supposed to know that Dad sticks with me even though you want us to part? How am I supposed to know mom and Keith doesn't leave me once they're married? And in addition to that we can't marry or adopt children; we are brothers for god's sake"

Nathan was stunned, it felt like the first time Lucas was so honest with him, or was it the first time? "Give me a chance to prove myself to you"

"I gave you countless chances, every time you promised to change but you couldn't. I love you Nathan…" Lucas began to cry. Dan and Nathan hugged Lucas to make their point clear "Hush, baby boy we don't leave. I'll stay as long as I live and I'll watch over you until you join me in heaven and even there I'll protect you" Dan believed in what he said.

"I don't want you to go" Lucas panicked; it was the first time he took into consideration that one of them might die.

"Lucas" Dan said gently "everyone has to go one day. That's the only occasion in life we have no control over. The rest is variable, what we do between birth and death… it is on you"

Lucas clung to Dan, Nathan had to back away for a moment. He watched them with fear in his eyes. He came so close to losing his brother, the dam of his emotions broke "You are scared?" he almost yelled "You're the one who chose to leave us behind, to leave me behind. I had to stare in your eyes while the life was fading. I held you in my arms while you took your last breath. I had to watch them reanimate you. I saw them taking you away from me. I prayed for you to live, I prayed for you to come back to me, I would have sold my soul right away to get you back. I know I got what I asked for but I didn't mean it… I didn't mean it…" he sunk to his knees, not able to stand anymore. Dan rushed to his youngest son and held him tight "I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry"

Lucas got carefully out of the bed and kneeled down next to Nathan "You're forgiven" he said gently "you're forgiven" he touched Nathan's cheek to get a reaction. Nathan leaned into the touch. Dan released Nathan from his hug and Nathan fled into Lucas's outstretched arms. Nathan pressed his head tight against Lucas chest, listening to the heartbeat. Lucas rubbed Nathan's back, his chin rested on top of his lovers head "Hush" he placed a kiss on Nathan's temple.

The blond realized that Nathan cared for him for real. Nathan hated himself more than Lucas was angry at him. He knew his brother had issues with being gay and social status but he had no idea how much Nathan suffered from his own personality.

"I can't forgive myself" Nathan interrupted his thoughts, Lucas frowned "What?"

"I can't forgive myself" he blubbered out "How can I live with what I've done? It started as a game! Our love is based on a fucking game and lies! How can you say you're forgiving me? It's unforgivable. I shall burn in hell for what I've done"

"You've wanted a new chance a short while ago. Are you backing out now?" Lucas changed his tactic, he knew there was nothing he could say to sooth Nathan's pain but he could try to give him hope.

"I had too many chances, you said it yourself" Nathan looked at the wall, not daring to look at Lucas or his dad.

"Maybe I was wrong?" Lucas pulled his brother closer "You get one chance to prove your love for me"

"I'm scared I'll fail again" Nathan said after a while.

"Don't worry" Lucas forced Nathan to look at him "In case you fail… you'll get another chance and should you fail again I'll drag you to the altar and force you to stay, you can't escape from me in a sweet little prison cell"

Lucas desperate attempt to make a joke got rewarded with a soft chuckle "You see, there's nothing to worry about"

"Why Lucas, why?" Nathan couldn't understand why Lucas was willing to give him more chances all of a sudden.

"Because I love you" Lucas sighed "I can't be happy without you and I can't be unhappier with you, so I'm choosing the less heartbreaking path"

"I don't understand…" Nathan tried to clear his mind.

"I'll be definitely unhappy without you by my side. Constantly wondering what if we never had broken up, what if I had given him a chance, what if we could have been happy after all.

One thing I know for sure, I'll never love anyone else as much I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I believe that we stand a chance to make it work, call it blind faith if you want but I KNOW we will be happier that way"

Nathan chuckled sadly "We can't live with nor without another, can we?"

"Looks that way, doesn't it?" Lucas hoped he made the right decision.

Dan watched them and had to suppress his own tears. How long does it take, before one of them is breaking for good? He asked himself. Lucas granted him a chance because of his big heart but Nathan was too desperate to see "Are you sure?" he mouthed as Lucas looked at him.

"No" he mouthed back; Dan nodded "Come" he helped Nathan up "Let's grab something to eat. Lucas needs his rest"

The blond went back to bed and tried to relax "He might hurt you again" Dan said after Nathan left for the restroom.

"I know" Lucas rubbed his eyes "but I think this time he's truly honest with me and himself and… how am I supposed to live without him? He's my world since the day he was born. I fell in love with the pictures mom gave me. I rather get hurt than spending my life all alone"

Dan understood, he truly did but that didn't mean he had to like it "I hope you get what you wish for and I'll help as much as I can. Starting with your meds young man" he chided.

Lucas smiled "Yes sir" he closed his eyes and fell asleep moments later.

Dan watched his son while they ate in silence. Nathan seemed to be lost in thoughts, his eyes were still red from crying and his skin was pale.

Nathan's state of mind worried him; he was scared Nathan could be the next one in a hospital bed "Do you wanna talk about it?" he offered.

Nathan continued to gaze at his spaghetti "I love him, you know, I really do but I'm selfish. I take what I want without hesitation. Lucas is… selfless he indulges my every whim, without complaining. I think a lot about what he'd said and I'm sure he's giving me a chance because he can't say no to me. Crying in his arms was surely not helpful either"

"I think you see it the wrong way" Nathan looked surprised "You've poured your heart out to him. You were honest, so honest it hurts and that's what he needs. He's seen your love for him, there was no game or lie this time. From now on your love is basing on fidelity and trust"

"You really think we have chance?" Nathan wasn't sure at all, he trusted Lucas but he didn't trust himself at all.

"Lucas told me you had dates and spent a lot of time together" Nathan blushed "Lucas was happy. His eyes gleamed when he talked about you, Nathan arranged a picnic for me, Nathan and I went to the cinema, Nathan cooked for me… You're capable of leading a harmonious relationship, Nathan. On the other hand you're good at hurting people, that's my fault altogether. I raised you that way but I assure you once you get a hold of your inner demons your way of living will change. I'm sure you will be a loving husband and father, so unlike me"

"You're changing now" Nathan was thankful for his father's encouragement.

"It's too late Nathan. Lucas grew up without his father, he grew up with a single mother who had to work nonstop to survive. He was alone most of the time and you… you were alone too. A drunk mother, a father who only cared for prestige. No Nathan I'm not a good man and I can never atone for what I did to you, your mother, Karen and Lucas" Dan smiled "but I think I come as close to being a good person as possible"

"I love you that way even more" Nathan blushed as he told his father what he felt.

"I love you too son" Dan patted Nathan's cheek "Let's go home for a while. Lucas is out of it for a while and we need sleep and a good long shower" Nathan didn't look convinced "I'm sure Karen is coming soon to watch over him, don't worry so much"

Nathan nodded and got up "Thank you" he pulled Dan into a tight embrace.


	20. Salvation

"Hey Lucas, how are you today?" Karen looked tired but her tone was cheerful.

"I'm fine. How was your shift?" Lucas was bored.

She smiled at him "a lot of customers asked for you, hey miss their favorite waiter"

"They're only polite" Lucas didn't believe they're worried about him.

"No" she took his hand "They mean it. I met three classmates of you. Six seniors and four students seemed to be a few grades lower than you. I think they are outsiders like you"

"Outsiders" he sighed.

"There is nothing wrong about being different. I learned that 'outsiders' are friendlier, more helpful and stronger than jocks and upper-class wannabes" she continued to smile "I'm proud of you, you know"

"I tried to kill myself, how can you be proud?" he was angry at himself.

"You had to endure so much. It's our fault you made a mistake" Lucas could see love and guilt in her eyes "You were always so strong and you grew stronger while you bonded with Nathan and Dan but we took away your lifeline. We took your strong personality for granted, not realizing how important we were for your inner strength. Your strength contains your mother's love, Keith's love, the love of your friends and the approval you seek from Nathan and Dan"

"It's not your fault I'm weak" Lucas didn't want to hear his mother talking bad about the people he loved.

"But we are Lucas. How are you supposed to be strong if your mother leaves you alone? Going on dates or working late. How are you supposed to get help when no one is around? Payton fell in love with Skills, Haley tried to snatch Nathan away and after that she found someone else.

And how are you supposed to overcome the problems at school when, in private life, the love of your life is stomping on your heart, again and again? There is a lot more we did to you, Keith, Skills, Dan…the assault…the shooting… We should have been there for you afterwards"

"I'm happy when you're happy mom. You love your job and you love Keith. I'm happy that my friends are happy, Payton and Haley deserve it. The problems with Nathan were my own fault, I knew what he planned and I knew it would be difficult" Lucas felt the urge to protect his mother.

"Yeah" she said gently "but whom could you turn to?"

Lucas opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't. He had Dan for a while but he left too.

"You see. I told you so" she wiped a tear away "Things will change from now on. We will include you more in our lives"

"But" Karen pointed with her index finger at him "No but, I can live a perfect life without working nonstop and going on dates every evening"

"Now you exaggerate, mom" Lucas couldn't suppress a little smile.

"So?" she wiggled her finger "My point is I want to spend more time with you. I want us to be a family again and I hope you get along with Keith. He misses you and he's sorry for what he did"

"Sure he is" Lucas whispered but Karen heard him.

"He was here the whole time and waited for you to wake up. He was so nervous; his acting skills aren't that good. I'm sure he is sorry… but he's proud and it isn't easy for him to say sorry, in this regard he's like Dan and Nathan" she hoped Lucas would forgive him.

"He's like a father and it hurts" Lucas looked away from her.

"I know it does" she comforted him "But I think both of you will be happier after a long talk"

He thought about it for a while "Okay mom" he sighed.

"You don't have to do it for me, you have to want it too" she patted his head.

"I want" he wasn't sure if he really wanted to see him any time soon but he knew that he missed the older man and life was too short to stave off a talk.

"I'll send him in okay?" she moved away from the bed.

"He's here?" Lucas was shocked, he had to talk now?

"Yeah" she tilted her head "He waits outside. He comes everyday but hasn't the gut to come in" Lucas realized that his mom had tricked him.

"You're the devil" he mocked "I know sweetie, mommy loves you too" she grinned broadly. Lucas laughed softly and shook his head; he took a few deep breaths while he waited for Keith.

"Can I come in?" Keith knocked against the doorframe.

Lucas gestured him to enter "How are you?" the older man asked, not sure what to do.

"Fine" he replied, not sure what else to say.

"I had a lot of time to think about… about you and Nathan and my attitude. Uhm… Lucas I'm so-sorry" he stuttered, it wasn't what he planned to say at all. He had replayed the mind-movie of their talk over and over again and he hated himself more and more. He thought about hundredths of different ways to make it alright but he came to the conclusion that he couldn't make up for what he'd done.

"It'd hurt, it still does" Lucas looked at him. Keith was surprised to get an answer and he was even more surprised about the fact that Lucas talked about his feelings. He hadn't planned on that. He thought Lucas would remain silent or nod and accept his apology even though his heart wasn't in it.

"I saw it in your eyes as my hand connected with your cheek" the image still haunted him in his dreams.

"Why did you do it?" Lucas shifted slightly to get a better look on Keith.

"I was overwhelmed with emotions, I mean he's your brother and I…" he struggled for words.

"I know why you hit me. I want to know why you didn't hear me out" Lucas knew he'd hurt Keith when he said he wasn't his father.

"You know why I hit you?" Keith frowned.

"I said you're not my father, which was pretty mean. You are my father, kind of. You were there for me while I grew up. You went with me to Disneyland, you guided me through puberty. .. You held my hand while I lay in the hospital, after I got hit by that car…" he suppressed his tears but Keith could see it nonetheless. He approached Lucas and hesitated briefly before he settled down on the bed, taking Lucas hand in his own.

"I was angry" he took a deep breath "I saw you with him and everything I could think of, was 'They are brothers'. It's against law and it shouldn't happen. I grew angry at me, at you and Nathan. I didn't see it coming and you let him into your heart even though he's your brother. I felt like I had to protect you somehow but I failed. I can't really put into words what I felt that day but I know the way I acted was wrong"

"So do I but I can't do anything against my feelings. I never chose to love him and I'm not strong enough to fight against my feeling" Lucas looked sad.

"It has nothing to do with strength. No one can fight against their feelings. You can ignore them or try to learn to love someone else but that wouldn't make you happy, would it?"

"No" Lucas sighed "but I do know it's wrong"

A lonesome tear ran down Keith's cheek and Lucas raised his hand to wipe it away. Keith held on to Lucas's hand while he touched his cheek. He lowered their hands until they were chest high "I love you Lucas, like my own son and I'm terribly sorry. I had a lot of time to think and I've come to the conclusion that it's alright as long as you stay a part of my life. Can I ask you a favour?"

"Everything" he trembled, shedding tears of relief. The question was asked in a loving way.

"Let me remain your daddy" Keith almost choked on his words.

Lucas started to cry even harder and flung his arm around Keith's neck "Forever" he was so happy to have Keith back in his life.

"Careful kid" Keith pressed his boy close to his chest "or they'll never release you"

Lucas chuckled "I'm so high on meds I can't get an infarct and I'll be damn if I die of joy"

"I missed you" Keith whispered "Life is lonely without my little sunshine"

"Keith" Lucas groaned while he blushed furiously "I'm not a baby anymore"

"You'll always be my little boy" Keith rubbed his back "I remember how you used to smile, you're smile could brighten a cave"

"You're exaggerating" Lucas chuckled "Oh do I? Let's take a look at the photo albums when we're home"

"Dear god, no" Lucas loosened his hug.

"Why not ashamed of your naked ass?" Keith grinned.

"Oh no, not that! Don't you dare showing them to anyone" Lucas was scared he would show them to Nathan or Dan.

"Maybe" he winked "All jesting aside, why don't you want to see them?"

"I'm not that boy anymore. I can't take the smiles 'cause I lost that smile somewhere along the way reaching adulthood" he looked at Keith's chest not daring to look into his eyes.

"I'm sure it's somewhere in there" he pointed with his index finger at Lucas heart "All we have to do is find it" he smiled gently while he put his hand against Lucas's chest, right above his heart "You'll see, one day I make pictures showing the bright smile on your face"

Lucas sniveled softly; he believed in Keith "You promise?"

"Yeah kid I do" he ruffled Lucas hair "And now lay down before the nurse catches us. I think she'll not be amused when she finds you in my arm, crying and blushing deeply because I mentioned your baby ass"

Lucas laughed and punched his shoulder "Hey" Keith played hurt "That wasn't nice"

Lucas stuck out his tongue and happiness returned to Lucas's eyes; that was worth a little punch, Keith thought "Sleep a little" he turned around to leave after he tucked his boy in.

"Stay" Lucas mumbled, Keith turned around and watched Lucas for a while, he felt his gut clench while he remembered the last time they spent at a hospital. He held a vigil while his little boy was fighting for his life. His frail little body bandaged and pale still haunted his dreams from time to time and he knew, this time wouldn't be an exception, he would dream about the last few weeks for a very long time "I'm not going anywhere kid" Keith sat down on the plastic chair next to the bed and held Lucas's hand while he slept.


	21. A new beginning

I'm terribly sorry for not posting sooner but I have a serious case of writers block.

This chapter is a little short but I wanted you to know that I did not abandoned this fic and even though I have a lot of trouble to write anything at the moment I will not give my stories up. Not this one nor all the others.

I thank you so much for all your nice words and encouragement.

It would be nice if you could help me a little with this story. I have a slight idea for their last school year and for a way to make a few of their dreams come true even though their related but that's all at the moment.

I thank you all!

Weeks passed until the doctors released him. They estimated his mental state as dangerous and he had to attend countless counseling session before he could convince his psychiatrist that he was fit to go home.

Nathan picked him up at the hospital and brought him home "Take it easy" the brunette fussed.

"I will not break because I walked up a few stairs" the blonde sighed. Everyone treated him like an invalid but it was his own fault. He messed up and had to pay for it.

"It's not that I think you'll break, it's just worry" Nathan justified his behavior.

"I know" Lucas sighed "I'm sorry"

"Don't be" the brunette shook his head "Let's tuck you in, it's late" they had a little get together at a restaurant after Lucas's release.

"Stay?" Lucas sounded hopeful.

"Of course" Nathan smiled "Karen got a few of my belongings while I kept you entertained" he winked.

"I appreciate your efforts but the time at the hospital was boring nonetheless"

"Ouch" Nathan mocked "I tried so hard to brighten your days"

Lucas chuckled "I think hospitals are meant to be depressing" Nathan added.

"Yeah" Lucas wanted to forget the time he had to spend there.

"Do you remember Zak from the chess club?" Nathan helped Lucas to get rid of his shirt.

"Yes" the blond answered.

"He and Haley's lover boy founded a new club or rather an unarmed self-defense militia.

They fight against intolerance and bullying. The shooting, attempted suicides, hurt feelings and violence made us think and we decided to stop watching and act instead" Nathan explained, he too was a member of the group.

"They did that just because of us?" Lucas sounded surprised.

"People are people nobody is worth more or less. It is time to act and stop the harassment and torment. I love you Lucas and I learned to appreciate people with less money, less prestige, black white, rich poor, gay hetero bi, these things doesn't matter anymore. And they should never have in the first place" Nathan tried to tell his lover what affected his decision but it was hard to find the right words for all the injustice in this world.

"I hope we don't provoke even more violence" Lucas hoped they'd be successful.

"Words against fists" Nathan promised "Well chosen words, not aimed to hurt" he added quickly.

"Good luck" Lucas smiled at him "It's hard to believe how much you changed over the last few months"

"I can't believe it either but hey it's true" he spread his arms and a wide grin appeared on his face.

"I think you're worth the risk" Lucas said out loud, a little shocked because he didn't intend to let Nathan know what he thought.

"I hope so" the brunette crawled on the bed and pulled Lucas down "I'm happy you're back" he murmured before he kissed Lucas gently.

"Me too" the blond placed a hand on Nathan's hip, snuggling closer until his head rested on his lover's chest.

"Sleep well" Nathan put an arm protectively around Lucas.

"You too" one more week before he had to face his classmates and the team, and all the others he didn't want to see ever again.

"Don't think so much about it. I'll be there, Haley, Payton, Skills, we all will be there" Nathan could read his lover like a book.

"Doesn't sooth my fears" Lucas mumbled sleepily, the medics he had to take made him sleepy; he didn't like the feeling they gave him at all.

"I know, but you have a week left. Enjoy the time we've got and fret when the time comes"

"I'll try" Lucas yawned. Nathan rubbed soothing circles over his lover's stomach while he watched the blond "I'll protect you, for better or for worse"

Lucas hummed sleepily not hearing a single word Nathan said.

"Morning boys" Karen stormed cheerfully into the room. Keith had proposed to her after breakfast in bed.

"Mom?" Lucas rubbed his eyes "Did you get lucky last night?" he asked still half asleep.

"Watch your mouth" she chided "but yes"

Nathan suppressed the urge to put his hands over his ears and use a bucket of brain bleach.

"And he proposed to me" she wiggled her fingers.

"Mom that's great" Lucas was fully awake now; he jumped out of bed and took his mother into a bone crashing hug.

"Congratulation" Nathan smiled at her, he felt truly happy for Karen.

"You know" her smiled faded, she wasn't sure if it wasn't too soon "I'd like to spend some time with Keith and…" Lucas put a finger over her mouth "Spend as much time with him as you like. I have Nathan, don't put your life on hold because of me. I don't want that"

"I love you, you know that don't you?" she placed a motherly kiss on his cheek.

"I know mum, I know" the blond smiled lovingly.

"I made breakfast for you boys and I'll be back before you realize I was gone" she strolled out of the room, humming the wedding march.

"She reminds me of you when she smiles that way" Nathan got out of bed and put on his trousers.

"Really?" Lucas buttoned his shirt.

"Yeah, really" the brunette took Lucas hand and dragged him into the bathroom.

"I think you got dad's smile" Lucas talked around his toothbrush.

"I'm not sure" Nathan put his toothbrush into his mouth.

"I never saw your mum smile, not genuine anyway but I saw dad smile, once. And it reminded me of you"

"Nice to know you think about me that much" Nathan leaned against the sink.

"You're always in my mind" Lucas put his toothbrush away.

"I knew you love me" Nathan smiled lovingly but used a playful undertone.

"Hey what do you think, I share my bathroom and toothpaste with you" Lucas laughed.

"Let me style your hair" Nathan just continued to smile and took the brush.

"Looks good" Lucas eyed his knew hairstyle. A little messier than normal and Nathan created spikes with some hair gel. His hair wasn't as short as it used to be but Nathan asked him to keep that length and he had to admit that he liked his hair that way.

"I know" Nathan grinned self-confident "Let's eat before your mother spanks my sorry ass"

"Spanking" Lucas gave his lover a look he couldn't define but he the shiver down his spine signaled that he liked what ever caused that look on Lucas face.

"What are you thinking?" he finally asked.

Lucas expression remained unreadable until a naughty grin appeared "I think we have a lot of time until mum comes home"

"Oh" Nathan finally understood and the idea let his blood rush downwards.

"Food first" Lucas left the bathroom with a happy laugh on his lips.

"Damn tease" Nathan yelled but he felt happiness too. It felt like the time they spent at his apartment, Just Lucas and him. He was happy that their relationship was out in the open, more or less, and they could act in front of their family like the couple they are.

_Family_, Nathan thought, _that's how it's supposed to be._


End file.
